...I'm back to tt moody me...
After such a long time of happy and carefree days, I'm back to that moody me. I'm disliking school life again, finding it stressful and too demanding for me to survive. I don' feel like going to school, don't feel like doing work, don't feel like attending lessons, don't feel like studying. Being back to that moody me also mean that my tears can't wait to be released... go to school, go through lifeless days, walk around unhappily, attend lessons without the proper attitude. Today, I actually had thought, seriously, of going home once the back gate is open, and not attend all the other lessons because I'm just so unhappy. But I also considered how my parents will react if they got to know that I skipped lessons.
Why am I unhappy? What happened? I have no idea. I suppose it's just my regular fluctuations. Nothing new, happens all the time.
This time, it's even worse. I was actually thinking of destroying my own body in order to get myself out of school early and go to some polyclinic to get MC. What did I do? I was very hungry, but I didn't eat. So I had gastric, and was enduring the pain the whole time. During lunchbreak, I just sat in the little house with my classmates (who ate already), twirl my phone round and round, daze, lay my head on the table, continue dazing...
快流出来的眼泪最后却被逼回去了。我也 不知道我为什么会突然很想哭。就连现在，我还是很想哭。我知道我这么做狠傻，为了我自己都不知道的理由哭泣， 甚至搞坏我那已经快彻底的坏掉了的身体。 我想，哪一天我会就这么倒在地上突然死去吧！我这样的生活，会让我成为朋友圈子中，第一个过世的人。那一天到来的时候，希望你们不要太惊讶。不过，会有人 惊讶吗？会有人管我的死活吗？我觉得，我这样的生活，也算是在自杀吧。不过，与普通的自杀方式不同的是，我这是慢性自杀， 并不会立即见效。
无聊的生活。。。 无聊的来了，活了。。。 又无聊的走了。 生活就是这么得无聊。如此无聊的生活，不过也罢。放心，我并不会真的寻死，只不过是突然丧失了生活的原动力罢了。乏味的生活，反复无常的过着同样的日子，每天，每天。。。
我会就这么突然的死去吗？我不知道，你也不知道吧！
我就这样无聊的结束了这一切。。。 多么想真正结束一切的一切。
我又累了，又想休个长假了。又想什么都不想，什么都不管，什么都不做，就懒洋洋的躺在床上。
“别担心，你们就让我平静得走吧。“ 哪天，我若说出了这一句话，就真得让我平静得走吧。那一天，因该不会这么快到来吧。
想哭。 又不想哭。哭了也无济于事，虽然我也不知什么事。
Why am I unhappy? What happened? I have no idea. I suppose it's just my regular fluctuations. Nothing new, happens all the time.
This time, it's even worse. I was actually thinking of destroying my own body in order to get myself out of school early and go to some polyclinic to get MC. What did I do? I was very hungry, but I didn't eat. So I had gastric, and was enduring the pain the whole time. During lunchbreak, I just sat in the little house with my classmates (who ate already), twirl my phone round and round, daze, lay my head on the table, continue dazing...
快流出来的眼泪最后却被逼回去了。我也 不知道我为什么会突然很想哭。就连现在，我还是很想哭。我知道我这么做狠傻，为了我自己都不知道的理由哭泣， 甚至搞坏我那已经快彻底的坏掉了的身体。 我想，哪一天我会就这么倒在地上突然死去吧！我这样的生活，会让我成为朋友圈子中，第一个过世的人。那一天到来的时候，希望你们不要太惊讶。不过，会有人 惊讶吗？会有人管我的死活吗？我觉得，我这样的生活，也算是在自杀吧。不过，与普通的自杀方式不同的是，我这是慢性自杀， 并不会立即见效。
无聊的生活。。。 无聊的来了，活了。。。 又无聊的走了。 生活就是这么得无聊。如此无聊的生活，不过也罢。放心，我并不会真的寻死，只不过是突然丧失了生活的原动力罢了。乏味的生活，反复无常的过着同样的日子，每天，每天。。。
我会就这么突然的死去吗？我不知道，你也不知道吧！
我就这样无聊的结束了这一切。。。 多么想真正结束一切的一切。
我又累了，又想休个长假了。又想什么都不想，什么都不管，什么都不做，就懒洋洋的躺在床上。
“别担心，你们就让我平静得走吧。“ 哪天，我若说出了这一句话，就真得让我平静得走吧。那一天，因该不会这么快到来吧。
想哭。 又不想哭。哭了也无济于事，虽然我也不知什么事。
2 comments:
while i look at this entry, my tears finally got what they want. They're out now. 眼泪不听使唤，还是我其实是很想哭的，但是就是强迫自己忍着泪。
maybe you should tell your parents about this.. don't make your embarassment a factor in making your decisions.. talk to them and tell them what you feel.. or your lecturer or anybody.. if you don't give a try, you can't just jump to conclusions thinking it doesn't help at all.. i talk to my mom about everything, almost everything.. and i thought she would repel every single thing i told her.. ain't that a great revelation.. who knows, miaow, your parents might give you support instead.. at least you have a brother to talk to as well, right? =D cheer up some bit yeah?
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