我不知道。。。我真的不知道

刚从学校回来，洗澡后，便到世界城去了。

本来以为我还蛮有精神的。怎么知道，到了以后，读了一些东西便开始点头了。我无法专心地做作业。

很难专心。

除此之外，另外一个很大很大的原因是。。。

我一直在想，一直都在想。。。

想他。

回家的路上，突然想起了梁静茹的那首《对不起我爱你》。想一想歌词，当中说的一些部分，不就是我吗？

“喝水想着你，搭车想着你，合眼闭眼间，出现的全是你”

“读书想着你，听歌想着你，大地和蓝天，出现的全是你”

回到家以后，好想唱唱这首歌。刚才，我便随着音乐，跟着唱。怎么知道，歌词打到了我内心深处。。。

眼泪，涌出。

有好多东西我想说，在这里说，但实在是不方便。

在这么一个关键时刻，我竟然被他打败了。我必须专心一点。

“不要在想了！”

我告诉自己。

不要在想了。。。

对不起，我做不到。

眉毛，皱。

眼中的悲伤，你们看得到吗？

虽然发生了一些让我感到甜蜜的事，但是在希望刚出现的时候，便马上又消失了。

好像有希望了。啊！我猜错了。咦？可能有一点点地希望！算了，我想我真地会错意了。

就这样的，没完没了。

心里有好多的感触。

原来，这就叫做“痛”。

我懂了。

我懂了吗？

对不起，我爱你 （歌词）

没别的只想说对不起
对不起我真的爱你
不管你会怎么想你怎么说
也不会改变我的决定
你知道有时候感情事很难说
很难说爱人或朋友
从前到现在我真的感觉要
一想你我的心就发烧

想给你听我的心跳
想你知道我睡的不好
喝水想着你 搭车想着你
合眼闭眼间出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情
我等不到你的回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

没别的只想说对不起
怎么样我都会珍惜
不管你会怎么讲 你怎么做
也不会影响我的心情
你知道有时候男孩更难捉摸
难捉摸爱人或朋友
现在到永远我真会感觉要
一想你我的心就狂跳

我的模样记不记得牢
情人卡有没有收到
读书想着你听歌想着你
大地和蓝天出现的全是你
我才不管你的表情
我才不理你回不回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

你听一听我的心跳
你看一看我睡的不好
喝水想着你 搭车想着你
合眼闭眼间出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情
我等不到你的回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

梁静茹?对不起！我爱你

green polo tee day!!

Today's green polo-T day!! xD

went out with piggy to buy a new pair of specs since my current specs's not much of use now. can't see clearly. Blur images. =P

Next we went to gwc. =D as usual. we went separate ways once we reached e building coz i wanna go to e washroom and she needs to go to e bank. So... i went off to macs on my own, walked past e open space, thought i heard a guy calling me (but who do i know hangs out there?) which i concluded as i've misheard. yeah.. no seats for us at e usual cosy corner, so i have to choose some other seats. Was waiting for piggy to reach, when i saw a big big bright lime green shirt with longs. Didn't look up at first, though that person was facing me. Just thought that he was looking for seats or trying to chase me away. =P So i ignored him. haha... dao as usual. Then he tapped e table, which made me look up. Got a shock of my life!! Haha... it's my IJ friend! No wonder i heard someone calling me. xD so it wasn't my imagination. =P As for why he's there, i have no idea at all. haha.. though he tried explaining, i only managed to catch "GV". So i assume that it's some movie trip?

Quite funny. Coz i know that he doesn't stay around that area (well most ppl in IJ don't -_-), i asked him what is he doing there? Aft he told me e GV things (which i still haven't figured out what xD), he asked me what am i doing there? hahaha... well, that's an easy question to answer. I live around that area, and i go down there almost every sunday. I've been hanging out there since... sec 3 =D when i met piggy and know that she lives around tt area. We ended up always going there aft school to do hw and eat and chat... read comics... nap. xD

Haha... it's green polo tee day! I'm wearing my fav green polo tee. I'm not the only one in green polo tee. I saw a bunch of people in green polo tee at gwc. Eh... blend in with e crowd arh. xD oh ya... my friend was wearing a lime green polo tee too, if i'm right. =S so bright arh, his shirt...

ouch, my eyes. xD

Eh... finally gotta know that han jin still remembers me. xD saw her while i was on my way to GP class on thurs. Saw her with her usual friend, and caught her staring at me. I stared back, and smiled. Hahaha.. she walked to me and grabbed my arm, telling me that she kept thinking if i was from crescent xD. muahaha... coz of my haircut, she couldn't recognise me xD Eh... wonder what house she's in now. Hope that she's in taurus too xD then can help us earn A LOT of points xD.

Though apologies don't work, I would still like to say that i'm sorry. Bash me up if you want.

ermm.. sorry?

I think i hurt someone yesterday... you might have guessed it right.. it's you.. yeah you... are you still... you haven't gotten over it yet? Maybe i'm just being over sensitive, but that's e impression i have from your responses last night... If i did hurt you, I apologise for i didn't mean to do that. I had assumed that you had gotten over it and will not feel anything much from listening to what i've got to say. Perhaps i'm wrong in whichever part i've mentioned above, but well... still... sorry.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word? but that's only for people who meant what they say when they apologise. They are sorry. But for now... it just seems like we say tt too often such that it no longer has its original effects.

Still.. sorry.

Com crash =(

Well, my com crash aft my net's back. How sad is that... once again, i'm back to using com in e sch library. So pathetic... sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh... come, come... who wants to fix my com? =) for free? =) =) haha.. fine.. i'll pay 50 cents if you insist xD i suspect it's a virus.. but e com's daddy (my kor kor) is not at home to give permission to take it to a doctor. It might be just a minor flu which its daddy can solve in no time. Of course, that is if he's in singapore... boo hoo... when i thought that i can finally have the com to myself... it went bonkers.. i think it misses its daddy... come back kor kor!!! come back and fix the com then go back to brunei for your ns stuff!!

what a bad sis i am.. well, i'm not just that. I'm a bad friend, a bad student, a bad daughter... a good slacker though =) hahaha.. i'm very pro at tt.. i can teach you ^^

Well, NMA has a new project again... and the theme is "clash of the titans". What is my idea?

::Blank::

I have no idea at all to what i should do!!! can you ppl give me ideas?? Anw, feel so sad tt no one visits my blog as often now... sigh... Oh and finally i can get my mad drawings scanned!! coz zek wants to scan it.. haha... yay yay yay... hooray!! so tmr, which is a wednesday, a CCA day.. i'm gonna scan my mad drawings!!! whoa!! maybe can post here.. haha.. it's too big for this blog... your eyes will rot.. But Swee Sien said that there's no cca tmr coz e J1s are having their OAC. -_-... he said that he'll be there though... zek too. now i'm thinking if i should stay back with them to research since my com crash =( my com crash... com crash.... com crash.... my GB..... no more GB for me....... =( ......

T-T

anw.. got back my Pw results of course... disgrace... i got a band 3!! actually, it's kinda expected arh... since i didn't really put in effort. Well, it's quite scary because I think that it's sorta a reflection of what kind of grades we will be getting for our 'A's... But the problem with me is that though i know that i have to work extremely hard -- since i'm not one of e smart kids with high quality brains and photographic memory -- i still don't put in enough effort. I need someone scary to push me into doing it. >.<>

Seriously gotta go for dance practice le... coz i've been missing dance practice for 3 consecutive weeks!! I need to go to e studio earlier to refresh my memory so that i won't be a nuisance... oh no... come to think of it, i better do stretchings... i'm getting stiff for not practising. who wants to stretch with me? I'll break your bones... muahaha... and mine too.. >.<

about yesterday...

Don't feel like talking much today... juz tt i didn't do anything yesterday coz i was too tired. Slept from evening onwards... missed my da chang jing =( didn't even shower, or remove my lenses. Didn't wash clothes, hang clothes also.. so today got a lot of work. Sigh... Anw, finally got back all my papers yesterday. Hmm... Not very nice, but well...

Here are my results (roughly):

GP(only essay) - 27.5/50

[better than i expected]

CL A - should be a B bah...

Math - definitely an F

[if CA's not counted]

Econs - F/AO

[depends on calculation]

so in the end i only passed the 2 languages... sad case...

had promised myself to do hw from the time i reach home till 10 pm when i watch da chang jing, but well, now i feel like playing GB, so i shall go play GB and do math later lorz...

ate dinner on my own today.. lonely day...

many many things...

。。。迷失。。。

在人群中迷失

在内心里迷失

在家里迷失

在无人的世界里也感到迷失

。。。 。。。 。。。

我讨厌这种茫然，但要如何才能找回方向，找回斗志呢？谁来引导我呢？

was watching 娱乐百分百 just now, and it's the singing competition thing. The theme was 周华建 . 2 of the contestants are the twins 2 moro. Well, i was expecting some not very good singing and when they were singing for the competition, it's almost as i expected, except tt one of them sang better. So my impression changed a little. But what really changed my impression of their singing is when they had their 加分表演. Both did imitations of other singers. One imitated Aaron Kwok, which was quite good, the younger one imitated 张学友, which was quite good. xD Both of them were quite funny when they were performing. Both received comments from the judges that they look very nice on the screen. Well, for that i have nothing to say since they are indeed blessed with good looks. Too bad they're not tall, or it'll be perfect. =)

overslept and woke up only at 10 plus. so i decided not to go to school after consulting yuan yuan. Anyway there's nothing much on tuesday for me since i don't take hist/geog. Just that I have to do a make up session for pe. sigh... oh, and there's no one to write a letter for me. Was thinking of writing a letter and ask my uncle to sign. But well, I haven't written e letter yet and he's not home. Oh, well.. shall just tell Miss Chua that i forgot to bring the letter.

Days had passed since my parents had gone to china, and i haven't been able to keep up with the schedule. First, of course, I failed to wake up every day for school. One day down, that 's not good. Second, though about 5 days had passed, I haven't been warming the car engine as my dad had asked me to do. This is really really bad. Third, I also did not water the plants every day, though my mum said that i have to water the plants even if it rains. Hmm...

Really lost these days... Feel aimless. I need to get back the momentum lost since chinese new year. There are many things waiting for me to do, but I just don't have the drive? That's what fred says about my current situation.

Oh.. back to 2moro... there's sth about them that's so cool!! something tt happened in e show. Because the elder brother said that he's nervous singing like that, the younger one asked him to look at him when he sings, which he did. So the hosts were like "why are you looking at your brother with so much feelings?" you know.. tt weird weird way. hahaha... one of the judges, even though he didn't know that the elder bro was looking at e younger one, he just sorta felt sth and automatically turned to look at the younger one. He said tt he felt some kind of power, strength, whatever you call tt. And when it was the younger bro singing... when he was singing his last sentence, he smiled. The elder one said tt he must be smiling because he was thinking about him being the only one till then who did not forget his lyrics. And guess what, that's exactly what the younger one was thinking about!!! Talk about telepathy!! WOW!! so cool...

Oh.. and Kinia's coming back this sunday =) so we'll be meeting lorz.. at great world =D

雨天

慢慢的，我开始感觉到那份恐惧。

它渐渐地靠近，但我却无路可逃。

我不能逃，我必须面对！

但是。。。

有些时候，要面对那份恐惧并不是件简单的事。

我很想逃，但我不能逃。

我很想逃，但我无处可逃。

我逃不掉，我躲不了。

为了走这条路，我也只能悲伤的承受一切。

再怎么不愿意，我都得撑着。。。

******************************************

有些事，开始了便很难结束。

或许你会说，“爱”便是如此。

我想说的是，

当你开始不信任人之后，

你就很难停止这感觉。。。

好像所有人都无法信任。

***

重新信任人很难，

但我会尝试。

只不过，

如果我又失败了，

要相信别人，便会更难了。

***

心事，我会说出来。

但是有些东西却永远都是我的秘密。

比如，

当我喜欢一个人的时候，

没有人会知道的。

因为我从不说出口。

我曾经被一个好朋友骗过，

感觉好像被出卖了。

也许，

就是从那时候开始的吧。

****************************************

今天，

雨下得很大。

真得很大。

矛盾

不知道为什么，总觉得生活里缺少了什么。

在人群中会觉得茫然，单独一人又觉得孤单。

人，真的很矛盾。

是因为我们不懂得满足吗？

是因为我们不懂得珍惜吗？

关于人的问题，都没有标准答案。

总之。。。

人，真的很矛盾。

真的。

finally changed my blogskin

Yay... i finally changed my blogskin =)
to sth so cute!! love at first sight, you call this sort of thing. xD

so happy...

but.. i woke up late today when i was supposed to go for dance =( so in e end i didn't go. so sad... then i've been using the com all the way till now. Not bad right.. haiz.. i planned to do econs today and math tmr, by this rate, how am i gonna do my work properly? and i juz realised tt i haven't hang e clothes in e washing machine to dry yet.

Haiz~

hopefully it won't rain tmr. sun, pls shine as bright as you can.

It's been such a long time since i can use net at home. perhaps tt's why i'm using it so much now. Of course tt's only part of the reason why.

my papa and mama went to china, for 10 days... so there's, let's see.. there's about 8 more days to go? oh well... don't be surprised if i'm late for school for the whole week. that will make a record i guess. xD oh and my kor kor went to brunei for commando training, 3 weeks... muahaha...

eh.. ppl, nothing.

some time back, i had been overstressed. and now i'm slacking like nobody's business. Whoa... that's bad. I'm having too good a time. That's bad bad bad...

slap me awake!! someone!! quick!!

i feel like going shopping. buying some girl stuffs. =)
but
i dun have the financial support required to do so.
=(

i can grab my kor kor's card and spend his money since he insists that i use his money and not ask from my uncle if anything happens xD i'm not tt bad to do that of course. i mean, not tt bad YET. xD

oh well, any one of you who would like to sponsor me, pls contact me =D please.. DO contact me ya...

well, think i'll hang e clothes later, then do econs... i'm feeling sleepy already.. look at the time! oh my.. i didn't eat a lot today. think i'll suffer from malnutrition. I'M GONNA DIE!!!

-_-

well... anw, i love tt little thing there.