In Memory of ...
14 December 2007, Friday
He was in pain, and was sent to the hospital by his son. Emergency. There was something wrong with his intestines, or at least that's what I've heard. He had to go for operation immediately, and the result was no good news. The doctor told the family to prepare for the worst. He was in the ICU after the operation. Relatives were informed, relatives were informing other relatives, relatives paid visits, showed their concerns. The wife was persuaded to go home and take a rest.
15 December 2007, Saturday
I called my mother after dance practice at about 9 pm, to ask if there was food at home, there was not. I received information from her that he passed away, and that I should go straight to his place. There is no need for me to buy food back as food is prepared there. I imagined his place, packed with concerned relatives, with food prepared... by who?
I reached the building, looked up and see no light from his windows. I walked up the stairs slowly while calling my mother. She said to walk across the street, it's at the void deck there. So it was not his apartment to visit, I didn't know that everything would be done so fast, but it all seems logical now that I looked back. Was everything this fast when it was my grandmother who passed away?
I reached before my parents did, and saw his daughter and daughter-in-law. I greeted them. She seemed to be coping well, but I guessed she was just putting on a tough front. I saw his wife, who seemed to be better than I thought, but like the daughter, I thought that she was just trying to be strong. I saw his son, who is the first one I thought looked sad, but was still fine. I saw his grandson, whom I think was not as close to his grandfather as he used to be. My family came. We stayed till around midnight.
16 December 2007, Sunday
I was told that his birthday is 17 December; the next day. My family had to wear the white shirt and pin the coloured cloth on our left sleeves. His eldest daughter and her family came back from their overseas trip late at night, when most people have left. She looked grim. Her younger sister walked with her to the coffin to see him. She was the first person there I see crying so honestly. It was impossible to hide it, I guess.
I saw him for the first time since he died. The tip of his nose was already turning grey, even with the make up on his face. Was it like this with my grandmother? I don't remember seeing that happening with my grandmother.
17 December 2007, Monday
Some buddhists came to chant some sutras, the family members and close relatives have to join in. His wife, daughters(and their family), daughter-in-law did not join in. The daughters are christians, the in-law was pregnant, the wife... I wondered if she couldn't get herself to do it, because she would be too sad. We went home around midnight again.
18 December 2007, Tuesday
Monks came to do the chanting, we were not required to chant along with them, but have to go along with the rituals. As usual, it was just his son and eldest grandson joining, with the closed relatives. His siblings are either dead, or too old to join in the kneeling. I stayed with my parents till around 2 am as my mother had to do the fruit hampers.
19 December 2007, Wednesday
This is the day when he will be sent to the temple and be reduced to ashes. We reached before 9 am, the ceremony started at 10 am. It began with the monks chanting, and we joined in the ritual, with more relatives joining us. This time round, the daughters stood by the side to watch, even though they cannot join in. The wife joined in the final part, when the family and those who joined in the ritual had to walk around the deceased's body.
This is the first time that the wife joined in, and the first time that I heard someone cry in the wake, first time I see her cry so sadly. So i guess she didn't join in previously because of this. The other person who cried quite badly was his second sister. While walking around, after the 2 old ladies showed their immense sadness, I saw my brother's face in pain. I was surprised to see that he was crying too. I kept telling myself to force my tears back. It was very hard. When we walked back to our original position, my tears did drop but i managed not to go as far as grimace.
It is sad to see someone die. It is even more sad to see someone you can relate to die. His death is sad, but not sad enough to bring me such pain. I think that it is normal to die, especially when one is old. I guess we all have preparations when we age, so it is nothing that shocking, though it will still be very painful to those closest ones. What pricked my heart was to see the wife crying. It was so painful.
We had to walk after the vehicle carrying the coffin for a distance. When we are about to start walking, the wife ran out, unable to see him leave just like that. Leaving her just like that after all those years. Relatives held her back, trying to console her. when we left for the temple, she did not come with us. I asked my mother if she came along, and my mother said, "No, if she had came along, she'll cry so hard that she'll faint." It was another round of chanting, and we walked around the body one last time. As I walked back, I saw her eldest daughter standing by the chairs. Her eyes were closed, I think she was praying. The ceremony ended with the coffin being sent to be burnt.
All this while, I only dropped a few tears. Death is a normal part of life. On the way back, in the bus, sitting beside my brother, I couldn't help but think about the wife who cried so hard, and the children trying so hard to be strong. I started shedding tears again. The emotions were so intense that I actually grimaced for a while. These tears are tears for the living, not for the dead.
--The Deceased--
He is my third granduncle. My grandfather's youngest brother. His wife used to take care of my brother and I during the day when my parents work. If I am right, it was from when i was in kindergarten till around 9 years old. They are a family of good people. They nurtured their kids well and the children are all doing very well. They are all happily married, and are all living good life. Although we are not as close as we used to (only representing myself and that family) ever since we stopped staying there after school till our parents end work and come to fetch us at night, I still like the family a lot, even if I do not show it. It really hurts to see my granduncle's wife in so much pain.
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