sleepless night

才刚睡下去没多久，就有醒了。那时大概是凌晨一点时分... 好久没有这种感觉了，还蛮累的，但就是睡不着。好希望自己能快点睡下去，但就是睡不着。光躺在床上，什么也不做，只会让我想很多事情。所以在床上翻了大概两个钟头后，便起床干点事儿了。

I suspect this has something to do with that something which i suspect is that something. Haha... I guess a person can go mad at 4 am due to insomnia :P

How is it possible for one to feel happy, hopeful, yet sad and worried? But that's exactly how i feel right now! While tossing and turning for 2 hours, wondering how I'm feeling exactly, that's what I get. All of a sudden, the emotional self has taken over the calm one. Perhaps it's a sign of the arrival of the monthly one. eeks.. ok random. Sat on the bed hugging my pillow while wrapped in my super thick and comfortable blanket, I thought of things that i could do while going through a sleepless night. Computer wasn't available back then coz it was occupied :P Haha.. brother was playing dotA. What came to my mind? First, comics! Coz i'm currently re-reading some books of conan. Second, milo. Haha... so it'll be drinking milo while reading comics. :) Third, pride and prejudice vcd. Seems like it's my all time favourite.

-sidetrack-
Pride and prejudice vcd. Since the time i bought it, it had been with me through quite some stuff. Remember crying over all the sad things and all the happy things when I'm sad, thinking that all the good things rarely happen in real life. But also grinning at all the happy stuff, funny stuff AND sad stuff when I'm happy, thinking that all the things happening are just part of the happy ending. Keira Knightley's so beautiful. Ha.. random too.
-moving back to main topic :P-

All of a sudden, while I thought and thought (and perhaps had thought too much) about the thing, I felt like crying. Seriously I think it's a sign of the monthly one. haha... oh no, :( I feel like crying again. hahaha... sure sign already. It's not that bad things had happened, it's the reverse! Good things had happened!! In fact, many good things had happened. Everything's good (if we ignore academics :P). Just the 2 arts related events are good enough already! I've also moved back to dancing last saturday (which reminds me, I have to contact my friend who hadn't been attending for a long time) after a few weeks of skipping. And the balloon that seems to be hope is showing again! I'm just worried...

我很怕... 怕这一切只是我一厢情愿的想法。我担心一切的一切，只因为我非常在意，而显得特别。眼中的希望，或许只是我太敏感而幻想出来的。他说的一句话，不断地在我脑海里，重复的出现。我听起来，那句话非常特别，似乎有双重意思，英文把它叫做 "pun"。可是，我就是担心那只是我一厢情愿的想法。我害怕说者无意，而听者多心呀！为什么事情就不能简单点，清楚点，让一切都明了，省得我心里七上八下的。唉~ 不禁让我在心中呐喊着：

“单恋好辛苦呀！”

猛然发现，沉浸在这痛苦的单恋里的我，竟变成了一个小女人。真不知该喜还是该忧。