Sigh.. I've been with my friends recently, and i had this gut feeling that they know about it, that they have a perfect idea who "he" is... Some time ago, i found out tt one of those i think know abt it, does know abt it. Ha.. Today... I found out that the other one whom i suspect know abt it, does know abt it too! What's more, one whom I do not think will sense, sensed it too!! Well, i'm not worry about it, because I know that these people are trustworthy, unlike some others :P Haha...
So what's wrong with them knowing, you might ask.. Well... these people know about it, but him? HIM? I bet he has no idea at all. Sigh... After 'A's, i tell myself, after 'A's... And after 'A's, they tell me, after 'A's... haha... but chances aren't high, i kept telling myself. I think he still likes that other girl a lot.. I have this gut feeling that he really likes her a lot. *shrugs* We shall see then... abt a month later...
Ehhh... hooked to this song, that's not very new.. hahaha... Here's the lyrics:
If you're not the one - Daniel Bedingfield
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
Tuesday, 31 October 2006
Friday, 27 October 2006
bound by love
The meaning behind a marriage is love,
....Bound by love....
Well, just some experimental photos. :) First saw this thing on net, and I was random enough a while ago to try it out myself. Well, as you can see, the shadow's not very clear, that's because I'm doing stuff in broad daylight, and i'm getting the sunlight as the source of light. That explains the faint shadow. But well, it has been a fun experience :) You should try it out yourself.
I guess I'll be posting more photos than before, with this new phone :) YAA~ heh heh. I guess you can see that i really love this phone a lot. So please please please don't let me lose it! Thanks! Oh, and if you look carefully at the photos and read the words there, you'll realised what book that is. :P
It's rather amazing how i can finish reading a 700-odd-paged Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix so fast (considering my reading speed) when I can't even finish one booklet of econs notes, or one page of chinese literature essay/notes. Eeks.. Nope, that book in the picture's not the fifth book, but the sixth book. You see, I've finished the fifth book, and am currently moving to the sixth already. :P I really ought to lock myself in a hotel with notes and notes only. Hahaha...
This last photograph, is just like one of my stickman drawings... Some sorta "Being alone in this big big world" thingy. Yep. You see that helpless little girl, standing alone in a gigantic world (in her opinion), which is my room. hahaha... she lives in a wooden box in my cupboard, with a human friend who looks just like her, several dressed teddy bears, and a hamster as roommates. Her neighbours include a relatively large tigger puppet waving a flag, a forever friend bear, a miniature piglet in a crez mug, and i can't remember what else. hahaha...
Enough crapping, it's time to read up on Feminism! Surprised I'm doing work? What's more, GP... Haha.. well, i woke up this morning remembering that there are about what, 5 more days to GP? Eeks.. really eekss...
just as the shadow of the ring is shaped as a heart.
....Bound by love....
Well, just some experimental photos. :) First saw this thing on net, and I was random enough a while ago to try it out myself. Well, as you can see, the shadow's not very clear, that's because I'm doing stuff in broad daylight, and i'm getting the sunlight as the source of light. That explains the faint shadow. But well, it has been a fun experience :) You should try it out yourself.
I guess I'll be posting more photos than before, with this new phone :) YAA~ heh heh. I guess you can see that i really love this phone a lot. So please please please don't let me lose it! Thanks! Oh, and if you look carefully at the photos and read the words there, you'll realised what book that is. :P
It's rather amazing how i can finish reading a 700-odd-paged Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix so fast (considering my reading speed) when I can't even finish one booklet of econs notes, or one page of chinese literature essay/notes. Eeks.. Nope, that book in the picture's not the fifth book, but the sixth book. You see, I've finished the fifth book, and am currently moving to the sixth already. :P I really ought to lock myself in a hotel with notes and notes only. Hahaha...
This last photograph, is just like one of my stickman drawings... Some sorta "Being alone in this big big world" thingy. Yep. You see that helpless little girl, standing alone in a gigantic world (in her opinion), which is my room. hahaha... she lives in a wooden box in my cupboard, with a human friend who looks just like her, several dressed teddy bears, and a hamster as roommates. Her neighbours include a relatively large tigger puppet waving a flag, a forever friend bear, a miniature piglet in a crez mug, and i can't remember what else. hahaha...
Enough crapping, it's time to read up on Feminism! Surprised I'm doing work? What's more, GP... Haha.. well, i woke up this morning remembering that there are about what, 5 more days to GP? Eeks.. really eekss...
Thursday, 26 October 2006
New sketchbook!!
I've been eyeing several sketchbooks from kinokuniya for some time already, and all of them are rather expensive... Today, I finally decided to buy one. I LOVE THIS BOOK!! One of my concern earlier was that there is a price tag inside.. so ugly. And because it's stuck inside, on the paper, I guessed it'll be quite a challenge to remove it. Then recently, they brought in some new stocks!! They placed some wrapped ones! WRAPPED ONES!! hahaha.. and one of the wrapped ones is the colour that I want, lime green!! hahahahaha... so i bought it today. =) And here are the pictures!!
This book's paper is rather thick, so I think i'll be using it for my crazy drawings... ink work, you see. :) And most probably I'll keep the rough work away from here.. Haha.. below's a close up to show you what word is printed there. It says [etcetra], juz in case you still can't read it :)
Some information abt it:
- Acid-free premium 180 gsm cartridge paper.
- Produced using eco-pulp derived from sustainable forests.
I really, really love it. Don't you? :)
Monday, 23 October 2006
I'm adapting...
Gradually, I got used to not seeing him... gradually, I got used to not chatting with him... gradually, I seem to have forgotten about him (sometimes)... Well, that's a good sign isn't it? But me mentioning it now is a bad sign... coz it shows that I still care :(. Haha.. as a matter of fact, yeah, I still care about it, and sometimes still brood over it and make myself sad... But well, at least I'm showing improvements *smile*
I guess I'm sticking with the idea of ignoring it until 'A's had ended... so as not to distract myself too much. I mean, while ignoring it, it's such a trouble already, can you imagine if I don't ignore it?! Haha... Well, till then... goodbye (to him).
As for the preparation for 'A's, erm.... *guilty* I... suppose.... .... I'm quite ..... fine..... *LIAR*. Haha.. I've been slacking, as usual. Sigh... can anyone stay by my side 24/7 and make sure tt i study?! Or can anyone say things like... "If you get an A for math, I'll get you a scanner." :P Muahaha...
I got my new phone today! YAA!!! heh heh... so happy. :) I better make sure I don't ever lose this phone... EVER! I'll get killed by my parents if i ever do lose it... Nope, they won't do the job, killing me.. but they'll make sure that I feel so bad that I'll do the job of killing myself. :P Haha... well, please... anyone... just make sure that i don't lose this phone!! Oh, and force me to study... haha...
I guess I'm sticking with the idea of ignoring it until 'A's had ended... so as not to distract myself too much. I mean, while ignoring it, it's such a trouble already, can you imagine if I don't ignore it?! Haha... Well, till then... goodbye (to him).
As for the preparation for 'A's, erm.... *guilty* I... suppose.... .... I'm quite ..... fine..... *LIAR*. Haha.. I've been slacking, as usual. Sigh... can anyone stay by my side 24/7 and make sure tt i study?! Or can anyone say things like... "If you get an A for math, I'll get you a scanner." :P Muahaha...
I got my new phone today! YAA!!! heh heh... so happy. :) I better make sure I don't ever lose this phone... EVER! I'll get killed by my parents if i ever do lose it... Nope, they won't do the job, killing me.. but they'll make sure that I feel so bad that I'll do the job of killing myself. :P Haha... well, please... anyone... just make sure that i don't lose this phone!! Oh, and force me to study... haha...
Tuesday, 17 October 2006
new drawing
Felt like I should do some real people again... so i flipped the magazine.. and got this picture... erm.. I'm not satisfied with this piece coz I screwed up the eyes... sigh..... And i realised that the hair is REALLY hard to draw.. sigh... I'm enjoying shading more and more now though :)
Actually there's more to the clothes larz.. but there's sooo much detail! So i decided to drop it... :P What's more.. it's 1 am in the morning.. time to sleep. Actually if it wasn't for my brother, who kopped the com, I would've been playing on e com bah.. instead of sleeping. Yeah..
Happy drawing!
Actually there's more to the clothes larz.. but there's sooo much detail! So i decided to drop it... :P What's more.. it's 1 am in the morning.. time to sleep. Actually if it wasn't for my brother, who kopped the com, I would've been playing on e com bah.. instead of sleeping. Yeah..
Happy drawing!
I'm supposed to be studying with kai li now at liang court macs :P But i just can't give it a rest till i've uploaded the picture.. Heh heh... paiseh arh kai li... so ya.. that's all. Comment pls.. thx.
----updated---
Yep.. this is the picture.. This is maggie Q. And yes, I was supposed to be drawing maggie Q, but... they don't look alike, do they.. Haha.. now you know why i'm not satisfied with this piece :P
Sunday, 15 October 2006
Hope will always be there
I've not given up hope.
Usually, that'll be something good, to be hopeful. This time round, I really wonder if it's alright to leave myself with some hope. Hope will always be there no matter what, but... is it going to help me through this? Or is it gonna ruin my life? Alright, perhaps not so serious that it'll ruin my life... just hurt me, I guess.. Anyway in my vision, I have a good life in the future!
It's like I'm still clinging on to it. Although I don't really pin that much hope already, I think I can't bring myself to believe everything to be true, that he hadn't felt anything for me at all, until I hear it from him. So I guess this whole matter can only get a rest after 'A' Levels, when I'll be free to ask him, just in case I get too sad to study.. :P In the first place, I don't study when I'm happy anyway. Hahaha...
Ehh... And about my vision, no idea why but I just seem to trust my vision. I feel like I'm Phoebe(not sure if i spelt it correctly), having these visions. haha... It might sound kinda weird to you, for me to be so naive and believe this kinda things. Sometimes, I just suddenly, randomly, have this feeling that something will happen. And when I get this kinda feeling, I'll feel very strongly about it. Evidence? need some evidence? Sure! haha..
1. Primary 6 -- I've this friend of mine, she's the kinda kid who fails practically everything except chinese. Her math grades are usually 40+, and I can't really remember if she had ever passed her math before. So anyway, one fine day, around prelim I guess, I saw her, and I had this feeling that she'll get 70+ for her math. And, I just told her about it. Haha... she, of course, naturally, did not trust my "gut feeling", and said it's impossible coz her usual grade's far from that. In the end, she did get 70+ for math!! But I don't think she remembered what I told her. Oh, well.. I was really thrilled when i know that I got it right. Haha...
2. Secondary 4 -- Piggy.. She's quite hardworking.. Well, if you compare the 2 of us, then she's VERY hardworking. :p I'm a sloth. So well, she got a 2-digit for her L1R5 for prelim. But I got this feeling that she'll get a single digit, or a 10 for her 'O's. However, this time round the feeling's not that strong. Oh, and she got a 9 in the end. Haha...
Yeah... those 2 are the only evidence that i can remember. :p So anyway, in my vision, I'm some busy woman, dressed like those 9-to-5, the higher end kind, leading a high life... ok.. not THAT high, but quite well-off. :) Hopefully I'm right again this time!
And it seems like I get all these "visions" when major exams are approaching. Haha... PSLE, 'O's, 'A's.. :P Let's hope there'll still be exams for me for the next 2 to 3 years... In Uni.
Usually, that'll be something good, to be hopeful. This time round, I really wonder if it's alright to leave myself with some hope. Hope will always be there no matter what, but... is it going to help me through this? Or is it gonna ruin my life? Alright, perhaps not so serious that it'll ruin my life... just hurt me, I guess.. Anyway in my vision, I have a good life in the future!
It's like I'm still clinging on to it. Although I don't really pin that much hope already, I think I can't bring myself to believe everything to be true, that he hadn't felt anything for me at all, until I hear it from him. So I guess this whole matter can only get a rest after 'A' Levels, when I'll be free to ask him, just in case I get too sad to study.. :P In the first place, I don't study when I'm happy anyway. Hahaha...
Ehh... And about my vision, no idea why but I just seem to trust my vision. I feel like I'm Phoebe(not sure if i spelt it correctly), having these visions. haha... It might sound kinda weird to you, for me to be so naive and believe this kinda things. Sometimes, I just suddenly, randomly, have this feeling that something will happen. And when I get this kinda feeling, I'll feel very strongly about it. Evidence? need some evidence? Sure! haha..
1. Primary 6 -- I've this friend of mine, she's the kinda kid who fails practically everything except chinese. Her math grades are usually 40+, and I can't really remember if she had ever passed her math before. So anyway, one fine day, around prelim I guess, I saw her, and I had this feeling that she'll get 70+ for her math. And, I just told her about it. Haha... she, of course, naturally, did not trust my "gut feeling", and said it's impossible coz her usual grade's far from that. In the end, she did get 70+ for math!! But I don't think she remembered what I told her. Oh, well.. I was really thrilled when i know that I got it right. Haha...
2. Secondary 4 -- Piggy.. She's quite hardworking.. Well, if you compare the 2 of us, then she's VERY hardworking. :p I'm a sloth. So well, she got a 2-digit for her L1R5 for prelim. But I got this feeling that she'll get a single digit, or a 10 for her 'O's. However, this time round the feeling's not that strong. Oh, and she got a 9 in the end. Haha...
Yeah... those 2 are the only evidence that i can remember. :p So anyway, in my vision, I'm some busy woman, dressed like those 9-to-5, the higher end kind, leading a high life... ok.. not THAT high, but quite well-off. :) Hopefully I'm right again this time!
And it seems like I get all these "visions" when major exams are approaching. Haha... PSLE, 'O's, 'A's.. :P Let's hope there'll still be exams for me for the next 2 to 3 years... In Uni.
Friday, 13 October 2006
Don't like myself when....
突然想用华文打打字...
我非常讨厌沉浸在恋爱中的自己，或许因为这一次是单恋吧。当我这样子喜欢这一个人的时候，我变得好傻，好蠢... 白痴到我自己都受不了。一直以来，我都向往独立，坚强的那一面，但在这个时候，我却变得脆弱，无助，也开始依赖他人。我讨厌愚笨的自己... 但是，我不得不承认在这段恋情里，我是如此的愚昧，如此的看不清现实。
一开始，我便清楚的知道不该踏进这滩烂泥，但却仍然让我自己陷进去。很笨吧！唉~ 我真的有股冲动，向就那么告诉他：“我喜欢你...” 但是，我是个胆小鬼。胆小鬼！
虽然我没掉那么多的泪水，但我清楚的知道我还蛮难过的，也非常明白自己很被这事件所影响。为什么？其实，很明显的。自从着一件事过后，我变得安静了。奇怪吧。平时吵吵闹闹的我，竟然会安静？所以说嘛，就是有问题啦！那一天在学校里，死死的。昨天和朋友出去，也异常的安静。那几个男生还说怕我静静地在他们后面走回走丢，说要把我绑起来，拉着走，像小狗一样。哈哈。。。但我昨天是比较静啦，也走得很慢。或许是因为地点吧。他们所选择的地方，竟是那个拥有着一些回忆的地方。
昨天，搭车回家时，眼泪涌出，但我并没有让它们落下。当时的我在想，同样的地点，搭着同样的巴士，也同样是站在里头，心情却那么不同。快回家时，过了马路后，我们便分头走了。他们都搭地铁，所以最后只剩我一个人走到巴士车站。走过之前和他走过的路，但这一次，我是孤单的。一路走着，不免回忆起那只存在于回忆的兴奋与快乐。当时所抱有的希望，如今已不再。这静静的悲伤正静静的侵蚀着我的肉体，侵蚀着我的心灵。不久后，或许你们所认识的我永远都回不来了，我所认识的自己也永远都不在了。
Something's no longer there. That something that i had been hoping for will never be there anymore. I've grown to realise that I shouldn't be waiting for that something anymore. It wasn't meant for me, that something... neither was he meant for me. It is indeed a bad time to have discovered that, as it takes my mind off often, distracting me...
It's really hard to put on a mask, and i seldom do that. But even just a thin layer of mask hurts me a lot... like today. I had been smiling a lot, which just makes the pain even worse....
Yesterday, I survived through the whole day with one sandwich (homemade) and hazelnut hot chocolate from starbucks. I was worried that I'll go on like that, though I won't mind if it's just a short period of time, meaning that my weight will go down for the first time! Haha.. But well, I guess I worried for nothing, for now, I AM HUNGRY!! YEAH! :) Being hungry is a good thing. I never knew that feeling hungry can make me so relieved. Heehee... no no ... hee hee's no longer here.. heh heh...
and I saw him a few times today... sigh....
我非常讨厌沉浸在恋爱中的自己，或许因为这一次是单恋吧。当我这样子喜欢这一个人的时候，我变得好傻，好蠢... 白痴到我自己都受不了。一直以来，我都向往独立，坚强的那一面，但在这个时候，我却变得脆弱，无助，也开始依赖他人。我讨厌愚笨的自己... 但是，我不得不承认在这段恋情里，我是如此的愚昧，如此的看不清现实。
一开始，我便清楚的知道不该踏进这滩烂泥，但却仍然让我自己陷进去。很笨吧！唉~ 我真的有股冲动，向就那么告诉他：“我喜欢你...” 但是，我是个胆小鬼。胆小鬼！
虽然我没掉那么多的泪水，但我清楚的知道我还蛮难过的，也非常明白自己很被这事件所影响。为什么？其实，很明显的。自从着一件事过后，我变得安静了。奇怪吧。平时吵吵闹闹的我，竟然会安静？所以说嘛，就是有问题啦！那一天在学校里，死死的。昨天和朋友出去，也异常的安静。那几个男生还说怕我静静地在他们后面走回走丢，说要把我绑起来，拉着走，像小狗一样。哈哈。。。但我昨天是比较静啦，也走得很慢。或许是因为地点吧。他们所选择的地方，竟是那个拥有着一些回忆的地方。
昨天，搭车回家时，眼泪涌出，但我并没有让它们落下。当时的我在想，同样的地点，搭着同样的巴士，也同样是站在里头，心情却那么不同。快回家时，过了马路后，我们便分头走了。他们都搭地铁，所以最后只剩我一个人走到巴士车站。走过之前和他走过的路，但这一次，我是孤单的。一路走着，不免回忆起那只存在于回忆的兴奋与快乐。当时所抱有的希望，如今已不再。这静静的悲伤正静静的侵蚀着我的肉体，侵蚀着我的心灵。不久后，或许你们所认识的我永远都回不来了，我所认识的自己也永远都不在了。
Something's no longer there. That something that i had been hoping for will never be there anymore. I've grown to realise that I shouldn't be waiting for that something anymore. It wasn't meant for me, that something... neither was he meant for me. It is indeed a bad time to have discovered that, as it takes my mind off often, distracting me...
It's really hard to put on a mask, and i seldom do that. But even just a thin layer of mask hurts me a lot... like today. I had been smiling a lot, which just makes the pain even worse....
Yesterday, I survived through the whole day with one sandwich (homemade) and hazelnut hot chocolate from starbucks. I was worried that I'll go on like that, though I won't mind if it's just a short period of time, meaning that my weight will go down for the first time! Haha.. But well, I guess I worried for nothing, for now, I AM HUNGRY!! YEAH! :) Being hungry is a good thing. I never knew that feeling hungry can make me so relieved. Heehee... no no ... hee hee's no longer here.. heh heh...
and I saw him a few times today... sigh....
Thursday, 12 October 2006
In pain
I'm in pain... emotionally and physically. Sigh... Stupid menstrual cramps. HATE IT!!! yes... HATE IT!!!
Here's my crazy attempt to clog up my blog with posts all happening on one day!! Hmm... This is the second post.. so let's see how many I'll be posting today.. Here's before my brother uses the com.
Well... Watched Goong just now, and some things touched my heart.. eg. "He can be nice to you occasionally, but the person he likes is still ____ ..." and "one-sided love is so tiring..." Yes.. exactly how I feel!
One of my friends used to say that I'm lucky enough to know the person I like, because some people don't get to know their crush. However, it's not so simple. Not knowing that person, doesn't make you like that person that much. Knowing him in person, makes you realise that you like him really much, and makes everything even more painful! Sigh... And to know that he knows you, without knowing that you like him! It's just like the chinese saying "The furthest distance is when I'm right beside you but you have no idea that I like you so". Yep..
And to think that I've been thinking so much when all along, he's been liking her! All along, he hasn't once fallen for me... How many times have I tried to get myself out and failed... Right at the beginning, I've told myself that I shouldn't venture too deep because it'll do me no good, I knew all along that I'll be hurt in the end but.... but....... but I just can't help it. While getting myself out of the endless pit, he comes by again and a "hi" from him pulls me lower, a tap from him cuts the rope I had been holding on to.... And I fall right down, knowing that he'll never be there to catch me, knowing that no one's gonna save me.
He's been nice to me... but that's just friendship. I've been constantly reminding myself that. It's just friendship! I made myself think in the bad way all the time, forcing myself to think that he dislikes my company to keep myself from finding him too often. I had forced myself to do as little as possible, so that I'll know if he does dislike my company. And several times, he had shown that I was wrong, that he doesn't dislike me! He finds me instead of me finding him! I even got to know that sometimes when he didn't approach me, it's because he had thought that I was busy doing things! Knowing all these just made me feel so happy... that I'm not being disliked. That at least there's still a speck of hope. Knowing all these now makes me feel so sad... that he's just a friendly creature being nice to me as he always does to everyone else.
My friends suggested that perhaps he's shy, just like me. I had thought of that before too because he does seem like a shy person. But, he had been very enthu with his crush. He did a lot of things.. but me? me? me??? what he had done to me is NOTHING to what he had done to her. So... there is nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing....
Perhaps, I should start convincing myself all over again that he dislikes me.
Goodbye!
And maybe i'll tell him one day that I had once fallen for him.
Here's my crazy attempt to clog up my blog with posts all happening on one day!! Hmm... This is the second post.. so let's see how many I'll be posting today.. Here's before my brother uses the com.
Well... Watched Goong just now, and some things touched my heart.. eg. "He can be nice to you occasionally, but the person he likes is still ____ ..." and "one-sided love is so tiring..." Yes.. exactly how I feel!
One of my friends used to say that I'm lucky enough to know the person I like, because some people don't get to know their crush. However, it's not so simple. Not knowing that person, doesn't make you like that person that much. Knowing him in person, makes you realise that you like him really much, and makes everything even more painful! Sigh... And to know that he knows you, without knowing that you like him! It's just like the chinese saying "The furthest distance is when I'm right beside you but you have no idea that I like you so". Yep..
And to think that I've been thinking so much when all along, he's been liking her! All along, he hasn't once fallen for me... How many times have I tried to get myself out and failed... Right at the beginning, I've told myself that I shouldn't venture too deep because it'll do me no good, I knew all along that I'll be hurt in the end but.... but....... but I just can't help it. While getting myself out of the endless pit, he comes by again and a "hi" from him pulls me lower, a tap from him cuts the rope I had been holding on to.... And I fall right down, knowing that he'll never be there to catch me, knowing that no one's gonna save me.
He's been nice to me... but that's just friendship. I've been constantly reminding myself that. It's just friendship! I made myself think in the bad way all the time, forcing myself to think that he dislikes my company to keep myself from finding him too often. I had forced myself to do as little as possible, so that I'll know if he does dislike my company. And several times, he had shown that I was wrong, that he doesn't dislike me! He finds me instead of me finding him! I even got to know that sometimes when he didn't approach me, it's because he had thought that I was busy doing things! Knowing all these just made me feel so happy... that I'm not being disliked. That at least there's still a speck of hope. Knowing all these now makes me feel so sad... that he's just a friendly creature being nice to me as he always does to everyone else.
My friends suggested that perhaps he's shy, just like me. I had thought of that before too because he does seem like a shy person. But, he had been very enthu with his crush. He did a lot of things.. but me? me? me??? what he had done to me is NOTHING to what he had done to her. So... there is nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing....
Perhaps, I should start convincing myself all over again that he dislikes me.
Goodbye!
And maybe i'll tell him one day that I had once fallen for him.
I'm still sad
Yes, I'm still sad.
Actually, I've been waiting for the chance to see you, to see how you treat me, to see if it really is true... that scene I saw after the fog has cleared, that scene that broke my heart. However, I never got the chance to do it. I did see you, but you didn't see me. That very time you saw me, you didn't even say hi. Fine then.. I guess it's true then.
After some time, some tears finally dropped today.
I had been so dead yesterday, and you're part of the reason why.
You still like her don't you? And you had never liked me at all... I just wanted to hear from you... to know if it's true... to know that it's true, and that's when I'll finally decide to move on.
I have this urge to just tell you that I like you, even though I know there's no hope now. I just want to tell you, as if it'll relieve me from all the pain I'm having now. Maybe I will tell you.. some time... maybe...
Actually, I've been waiting for the chance to see you, to see how you treat me, to see if it really is true... that scene I saw after the fog has cleared, that scene that broke my heart. However, I never got the chance to do it. I did see you, but you didn't see me. That very time you saw me, you didn't even say hi. Fine then.. I guess it's true then.
After some time, some tears finally dropped today.
I had been so dead yesterday, and you're part of the reason why.
You still like her don't you? And you had never liked me at all... I just wanted to hear from you... to know if it's true... to know that it's true, and that's when I'll finally decide to move on.
I have this urge to just tell you that I like you, even though I know there's no hope now. I just want to tell you, as if it'll relieve me from all the pain I'm having now. Maybe I will tell you.. some time... maybe...
Tuesday, 10 October 2006
I'm fine, thank you :)
Seriously, I'm better than I would've thought! Hmm.... why's that so? I've no idea too. It's like.. life goes on for me.. Not much changes. It's just that I'm sure I'm not going to have any more expectations.. Hope still remains, somehow.. Oh, well...
I guess I have this idea that I should've known it all along bah, though that piece of news still came as a kind of shock. Eeps.. haha..
Self-proclaimed: NO SCHOOL TODAY!! haha.. coz i woke up late.. had a bad headache last night. sigh... anw, tuesday's a free-period day... 2 and 1/2 hours of free period for me to rot, draw, do homework (*ahem* sometimes), study (*ahem* once more.. xD), think through things, feel sad and lonely, feel excited, sleep, read magazines (i mean TIME, national geographic kinda magazines)... ... ... ... Yep! So, I missed ECONS LECTURE AND TUTORIAL!!! and that's very bad. Sharks...
as for tomorrow, self-proclaim: NO MATH LECTURE!! Haha... that's like a permanent claim. :P Erm... I guess I got addicted to skipping math lectures? Yep.. addicted. Amazing isn't it? So, you better not try it, or you'll end up like me!
I guess I have this idea that I should've known it all along bah, though that piece of news still came as a kind of shock. Eeps.. haha..
Self-proclaimed: NO SCHOOL TODAY!! haha.. coz i woke up late.. had a bad headache last night. sigh... anw, tuesday's a free-period day... 2 and 1/2 hours of free period for me to rot, draw, do homework (*ahem* sometimes), study (*ahem* once more.. xD), think through things, feel sad and lonely, feel excited, sleep, read magazines (i mean TIME, national geographic kinda magazines)... ... ... ... Yep! So, I missed ECONS LECTURE AND TUTORIAL!!! and that's very bad. Sharks...
as for tomorrow, self-proclaim: NO MATH LECTURE!! Haha... that's like a permanent claim. :P Erm... I guess I got addicted to skipping math lectures? Yep.. addicted. Amazing isn't it? So, you better not try it, or you'll end up like me!
Monday, 9 October 2006
An end marks a new beginning
I've changed my blogskin again, as you can see. And for that welcome message, I didn't type that... but it just fits in so nicely... So i left it there.
Since the day my heart broke (haha.. so cliche :P), nothing much has happened. Not much changes too.. It's just that sadness had moved in once again, and the tears are reluctant to move away. How I wish I can cry my heart out, but I only managed to drop a couple of tears today. The rest were for watching "Finding Neverland".
Oh, it's a nice movie, do watch it.
Perhaps I'm just deceiving myself, forcing "life goes on" into me. I... still miss him. Though the balloon of hope has deflated, but it's still tied to me... or rather, I'm still holding on to it. Hope's still there, but not the expectations.. So, I guess that's alright, since hope is always around. :)
I've been defeated, and it takes time to heal. Just want to say that I'm alright, it's just that sometimes, I would prefer to be left alone.
Since the day my heart broke (haha.. so cliche :P), nothing much has happened. Not much changes too.. It's just that sadness had moved in once again, and the tears are reluctant to move away. How I wish I can cry my heart out, but I only managed to drop a couple of tears today. The rest were for watching "Finding Neverland".
Oh, it's a nice movie, do watch it.
Perhaps I'm just deceiving myself, forcing "life goes on" into me. I... still miss him. Though the balloon of hope has deflated, but it's still tied to me... or rather, I'm still holding on to it. Hope's still there, but not the expectations.. So, I guess that's alright, since hope is always around. :)
I've been defeated, and it takes time to heal. Just want to say that I'm alright, it's just that sometimes, I would prefer to be left alone.
Sunday, 8 October 2006
Recovering
I'm fine, I guess. At least I've managed to gather the shattered pieces... I'll start to glue them back soon, and one day, I'll be good!! :)
Surprisingly, knowing more about the truth makes me cry less. Actually, I don't cry after knowing the truth... hmm... perhaps I've accepted this piece of news. But, I still have to admit that I am sad about it... and I do think a lot about it. I've turned back to drawing to clear my mind and my mood when I'm not studying (or playing :P).
Not crying.. to me, this is a good sign. :)
Somehow, after analysing the situation again in this new perception, I realised that I was really silly... but I somehow think that there's still this little speck of hope. Ha.. Whatever...
Anyway, I just want to say that I'm recovering already... I'm accepting this fact better than I thought. Yup. So... I'm almost fine! :) bye bye
Surprisingly, knowing more about the truth makes me cry less. Actually, I don't cry after knowing the truth... hmm... perhaps I've accepted this piece of news. But, I still have to admit that I am sad about it... and I do think a lot about it. I've turned back to drawing to clear my mind and my mood when I'm not studying (or playing :P).
Not crying.. to me, this is a good sign. :)
Somehow, after analysing the situation again in this new perception, I realised that I was really silly... but I somehow think that there's still this little speck of hope. Ha.. Whatever...
Anyway, I just want to say that I'm recovering already... I'm accepting this fact better than I thought. Yup. So... I'm almost fine! :) bye bye
Saturday, 7 October 2006
Curiosity kills the cat
An attempt to unfold some things so as to get to know my current situation better... ... left me heartbroken.
Curiosity kills the cat. That's what I get for my attempt to un-fog the situation a little. I got myself killed.
I've been so silly all this while, thinking that some things seem like hope... I guess the fog's all gone now, revealing the ugly scene that's so painful to look at. The hopes turned out to be "friendship", nothing else. Now it's back to "friendship" being something that sounds so depressing.
All the encouragements I've gotten from my friends, along with my hopes, my expectations, my assumptions, my predictions, my short-lived bliss and my memories, have turned into disappointments. Now you know why I kept telling myself not to be hopeful. I nearly cried, but somehow, the tears went back inside... and somehow, I kinda became numb.
And to think that I had actually dreamt of something good this week... ouch! plaster!! I need plaster!! FIRST AID REQUIRED!! hahaha...
Well, I'll get well... don't worry (that is if you're actually worrying :P) I had been sad that there's so little time left, but now, i'm glad about that! At least there's something for me to feel glad about :) Erm.. if you're still not convinced that I'm quite alright, go ahead and do all sorts of things to cheer me up... like... ... buy me stuff, crack all sorts of jokes, distracting me with all your might, and .... if i happen to seem like I'm about to cry, hand me some napkins (can't promise that i'll take them though :P), stay by my side but don't talk to me... Haha... that is IF i ever seem like I'm gonna cry. Ehh... actually, this thing happening today, it should be quite expected bah..
Curiosity kills the cat. That's what I get for my attempt to un-fog the situation a little. I got myself killed.
I've been so silly all this while, thinking that some things seem like hope... I guess the fog's all gone now, revealing the ugly scene that's so painful to look at. The hopes turned out to be "friendship", nothing else. Now it's back to "friendship" being something that sounds so depressing.
All the encouragements I've gotten from my friends, along with my hopes, my expectations, my assumptions, my predictions, my short-lived bliss and my memories, have turned into disappointments. Now you know why I kept telling myself not to be hopeful. I nearly cried, but somehow, the tears went back inside... and somehow, I kinda became numb.
And to think that I had actually dreamt of something good this week... ouch! plaster!! I need plaster!! FIRST AID REQUIRED!! hahaha...
Well, I'll get well... don't worry (that is if you're actually worrying :P) I had been sad that there's so little time left, but now, i'm glad about that! At least there's something for me to feel glad about :) Erm.. if you're still not convinced that I'm quite alright, go ahead and do all sorts of things to cheer me up... like... ... buy me stuff, crack all sorts of jokes, distracting me with all your might, and .... if i happen to seem like I'm about to cry, hand me some napkins (can't promise that i'll take them though :P), stay by my side but don't talk to me... Haha... that is IF i ever seem like I'm gonna cry. Ehh... actually, this thing happening today, it should be quite expected bah..
Friday, 6 October 2006
Clear the fog pls!
I miss you-know-who(or to some of you, you-don't-know-who) quite often these days... And i bet i'm gonna miss him even more soon... Sigh... can everything be less fogged? can it just be clearer? And singapore's reacting to my current state, getting foggy eh.. k lame.
Can you just make everything clearer?
I thought in the good way... and the bad way...
my friends thought in the good way.... and the bad way...
Can you just, show more?! Even if you don't like me, just show more so that I'll know!! It's all so blur now..
Everything's so confusingly confusing that it's confusing my already confused mind! Are you confused too? Haha...
URGHHH...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
You don't know and I can't blame you for that, because... you don't know. Haiz...
Can you just make everything clearer?
I thought in the good way... and the bad way...
my friends thought in the good way.... and the bad way...
Can you just, show more?! Even if you don't like me, just show more so that I'll know!! It's all so blur now..
Everything's so confusingly confusing that it's confusing my already confused mind! Are you confused too? Haha...
URGHHH...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
You don't know and I can't blame you for that, because... you don't know. Haiz...
Wednesday, 4 October 2006
Work hard!!!
Miss Lim gave me one mark, coz 44s are pushed up to 45 to pass. Ha.. lucky me. That means I pass everything!! But that's not what i want of course, i mean, I need at least ABC? sigh...
Was supposed to be studying today. But because i forgot to bring formula list, I gotta come home first. And i got stuck to the com. Boo hoo... I shall move over to great world now, for 3 hours, and i'll be back to study. how lame.. perhaps I should stay at home. no no no .. great world.. AHHH!!
Found a new place to study. A very nice place to study :) Clarke Quay's coffe bean where it's nice and cosy with tables that are big enough and most importantly, NO PEOPLE!!! hahaha.. YEAH!
这短暂的幸福，留下的却是永无止境的伤痛。
一切仍模糊不清，一切仍无法断定。
我想，我不该报多大的希望吧。
Was supposed to be studying today. But because i forgot to bring formula list, I gotta come home first. And i got stuck to the com. Boo hoo... I shall move over to great world now, for 3 hours, and i'll be back to study. how lame.. perhaps I should stay at home. no no no .. great world.. AHHH!!
Found a new place to study. A very nice place to study :) Clarke Quay's coffe bean where it's nice and cosy with tables that are big enough and most importantly, NO PEOPLE!!! hahaha.. YEAH!
To all the muggers out there...
GOOD LUCK MUGGING UP!!!
这短暂的幸福，留下的却是永无止境的伤痛。
一切仍模糊不清，一切仍无法断定。
我想，我不该报多大的希望吧。
Monday, 2 October 2006
Sunday, 1 October 2006
More about me
Wondered why i love doing all those tests, and I guess it's because I find it a way to know how i really think about myself. Why? Because if the test results are different from my opinion, I'll dismiss the results as "not true" and doubt the test's accuracy. Haha... So, that's a way of finding out how I really think. :)
Next, the bigger matter... him
It's just so, like that lorz... Although my friends are hopeful (when my hope's almost gone), nothing much has happened since then!! Sigh... Hope, I just need a little more hope!! Or, I need a lot of hope!!
I guess I miss him. Hmm.. ok. I'm pretty sure I miss him.. This is bad. He's occupying my thoughts!! This is so unfair! How can he claim so much space from my thoughts when i'm insignificant to him?? Sigh... It's back to days of waiting for him to come online, waiting for some signs that might seem like hope, waiting for the chance to see him, and i mean see, only..
I hate it when you don't reply my messages! It just makes me feel so insignificant!
Next, the bigger matter... him
It's just so, like that lorz... Although my friends are hopeful (when my hope's almost gone), nothing much has happened since then!! Sigh... Hope, I just need a little more hope!! Or, I need a lot of hope!!
I guess I miss him. Hmm.. ok. I'm pretty sure I miss him.. This is bad. He's occupying my thoughts!! This is so unfair! How can he claim so much space from my thoughts when i'm insignificant to him?? Sigh... It's back to days of waiting for him to come online, waiting for some signs that might seem like hope, waiting for the chance to see him, and i mean see, only..
I hate it when you don't reply my messages! It just makes me feel so insignificant!
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