突然想用华文打打字...
我非常讨厌沉浸在恋爱中的自己，或许因为这一次是单恋吧。当我这样子喜欢这一个人的时候，我变得好傻，好蠢... 白痴到我自己都受不了。一直以来，我都向往独立，坚强的那一面，但在这个时候，我却变得脆弱，无助，也开始依赖他人。我讨厌愚笨的自己... 但是，我不得不承认在这段恋情里，我是如此的愚昧，如此的看不清现实。
一开始，我便清楚的知道不该踏进这滩烂泥，但却仍然让我自己陷进去。很笨吧！唉~ 我真的有股冲动，向就那么告诉他：“我喜欢你...” 但是，我是个胆小鬼。胆小鬼！
虽然我没掉那么多的泪水，但我清楚的知道我还蛮难过的，也非常明白自己很被这事件所影响。为什么？其实，很明显的。自从着一件事过后，我变得安静了。奇怪吧。平时吵吵闹闹的我，竟然会安静？所以说嘛，就是有问题啦！那一天在学校里，死死的。昨天和朋友出去，也异常的安静。那几个男生还说怕我静静地在他们后面走回走丢，说要把我绑起来，拉着走，像小狗一样。哈哈。。。但我昨天是比较静啦，也走得很慢。或许是因为地点吧。他们所选择的地方，竟是那个拥有着一些回忆的地方。
昨天，搭车回家时，眼泪涌出，但我并没有让它们落下。当时的我在想，同样的地点，搭着同样的巴士，也同样是站在里头，心情却那么不同。快回家时，过了马路后，我们便分头走了。他们都搭地铁，所以最后只剩我一个人走到巴士车站。走过之前和他走过的路，但这一次，我是孤单的。一路走着，不免回忆起那只存在于回忆的兴奋与快乐。当时所抱有的希望，如今已不再。这静静的悲伤正静静的侵蚀着我的肉体，侵蚀着我的心灵。不久后，或许你们所认识的我永远都回不来了，我所认识的自己也永远都不在了。
Something's no longer there. That something that i had been hoping for will never be there anymore. I've grown to realise that I shouldn't be waiting for that something anymore. It wasn't meant for me, that something... neither was he meant for me. It is indeed a bad time to have discovered that, as it takes my mind off often, distracting me...
It's really hard to put on a mask, and i seldom do that. But even just a thin layer of mask hurts me a lot... like today. I had been smiling a lot, which just makes the pain even worse....
Yesterday, I survived through the whole day with one sandwich (homemade) and hazelnut hot chocolate from starbucks. I was worried that I'll go on like that, though I won't mind if it's just a short period of time, meaning that my weight will go down for the first time! Haha.. But well, I guess I worried for nothing, for now, I AM HUNGRY!! YEAH! :) Being hungry is a good thing. I never knew that feeling hungry can make me so relieved. Heehee... no no ... hee hee's no longer here.. heh heh...
and I saw him a few times today... sigh....
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