In pain

I'm in pain... emotionally and physically. Sigh... Stupid menstrual cramps. HATE IT!!! yes... HATE IT!!!

Here's my crazy attempt to clog up my blog with posts all happening on one day!! Hmm... This is the second post.. so let's see how many I'll be posting today.. Here's before my brother uses the com.

Well... Watched Goong just now, and some things touched my heart.. eg. "He can be nice to you occasionally, but the person he likes is still ____ ..." and "one-sided love is so tiring..." Yes.. exactly how I feel!

One of my friends used to say that I'm lucky enough to know the person I like, because some people don't get to know their crush. However, it's not so simple. Not knowing that person, doesn't make you like that person that much. Knowing him in person, makes you realise that you like him really much, and makes everything even more painful! Sigh... And to know that he knows you, without knowing that you like him! It's just like the chinese saying "The furthest distance is when I'm right beside you but you have no idea that I like you so". Yep..

And to think that I've been thinking so much when all along, he's been liking her! All along, he hasn't once fallen for me... How many times have I tried to get myself out and failed... Right at the beginning, I've told myself that I shouldn't venture too deep because it'll do me no good, I knew all along that I'll be hurt in the end but.... but....... but I just can't help it. While getting myself out of the endless pit, he comes by again and a "hi" from him pulls me lower, a tap from him cuts the rope I had been holding on to.... And I fall right down, knowing that he'll never be there to catch me, knowing that no one's gonna save me.

He's been nice to me... but that's just friendship. I've been constantly reminding myself that. It's just friendship! I made myself think in the bad way all the time, forcing myself to think that he dislikes my company to keep myself from finding him too often. I had forced myself to do as little as possible, so that I'll know if he does dislike my company. And several times, he had shown that I was wrong, that he doesn't dislike me! He finds me instead of me finding him! I even got to know that sometimes when he didn't approach me, it's because he had thought that I was busy doing things! Knowing all these just made me feel so happy... that I'm not being disliked. That at least there's still a speck of hope. Knowing all these now makes me feel so sad... that he's just a friendly creature being nice to me as he always does to everyone else.

My friends suggested that perhaps he's shy, just like me. I had thought of that before too because he does seem like a shy person. But, he had been very enthu with his crush. He did a lot of things.. but me? me? me??? what he had done to me is NOTHING to what he had done to her. So... there is nothing...

nothing...

nothing...

nothing...

nothing...

nothing...

nothing....

Perhaps, I should start convincing myself all over again that he dislikes me.

Goodbye!

And maybe i'll tell him one day that I had once fallen for him.