Somehow, I feel that it's not that I don't know why I'm sad, it's just that I don't wanna face it. One other thing, I really hate being tied down. Just leave me alone and give me some personal space! What's the point of forcing me to go with you all if I'm not gonna enjoy myself there? I'll just be ruining the atmosphere for all of you anyway. I juz feel like being left alone for a while...
This is getting emotional... how emotional? I wanted to write and/or draw in the room just now, and I asked my brother to leave the lights on. He wants to sleep, so he asked after I came out from the toilet if he can turn off the lights already. I told him my purpose of turning on the lights, but decided to off it anyway. I've made a good decision, coz he started to grunt a little that i'm gonna leave the lights on. Ya, so what's so emotional about it. After that, I walked into the toilet again, locked myself in and started crying. Sigh... I've found out why I'm so emotional anyway, it's the usual cycle... yeah, that. Sigh... like things aren't bad enough, I have to get emotional and make everything look worse.
I'm very much addicted to the song "Angels and Devils". The whole song sounds so sad, exactly how i felt some time ago... listened to it everywhere I go, pushing myself deeper inside, burying myself in the mount of sadness.
My will is shaking... should i? should i? I know there's nothing to lose anymore, now that it's all coming to an end... But the only way to let myself go is for me to let go. I need to let go, before I can be free... I want to just throw it all out, regardless of the outcome. I'm pessimistic about the outcome anyway, so how much worse can it get?
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