Suddenly... relapse?

沉默...
并非无所谓
而是无可奈何

为什么明知毫无结果，却仍想博一博。
我到现在，似乎还未完全的找回自己。
只能对自己说声加油了。

这是我重新拥抱“多愁善感”的象征吗？

Am so addicted to Hana kimi now :P also addicted to the songs, esp the 2 songs by tank.
Waiting for the next episode to come out on youtube!!

Yet another attack

Split-eyed monster alert!! Split-eyed monster alert!! As usual, the monster left some barang barang to prevent us from closing before it is back. And as usual, the monster is ridiculous. How can monsters not be ridiculous anyway. It showed its fangs to another victim today as I cowardly escaped and backed into the bushes. Felt sorry for the victim but was impressed as the victim wasn't scared away by the fangs.

*A round of applause please*

But the victim called for help quietly. Once i got the message, I turned on the "Split-eyed Monster Alert" and 2 villagers came to help. Seeing more people, what's more, 2 who are stronger and slightly armed, the monster was less ferocious (but it's still ridiculous). Luckily, we managed to chase the monster away from our village and perhaps back into its cave before sun set, so all the other villagers can wander safely about the village when night falls.

Erm, is this considered chapter 2 of the "Slaying of the Split-eyed Monster"?

When's results coming out, anyone?

attack!

I was attacked by the split-eye monster. Previously, I thought it's an okay monster, but it turned out to be a really horrible monster. This split-eye monster never comes at the right time, dragging the time I go home. I ran away from the split-eye monster although I really REALLY wish to kick its ass, because I have no choice but to run from the monster. I wasn't armed, and was unable to protect myself, that's why.

URGGHHH!!! smack smack smack smack smack!!!

deviantart

So happy!! I officially joined deviantart some time ago, and started submitting deviations too. What am I excited about? COMMENTS!! There are actually people commenting! YEAH! Not many, but at least got comments. Good enough, hee... What's more, the drawing i gave chaky was being downloaded and the person requested for a bigger file, to see the details. The same person also favourited my "carefree" (to view this piece, check my drawing blog :P). So, so happy!! EEEEEEEeeeee... hahaha... k, time to sleep, working tomorrow again.

OH! I was late for work today, eeks!

No life

This blog is dead, yes this blog is dead. I'm merely trying to make the heart pump a little with this pathetic filler entry. Haha... k larz, to update a little more about me.

I'm still working at MOM, just got my pay recently but no point asking me to give you a treat or anything like that coz they're almost all gone! Eeks! The rest of the money would be my food allowance this month. Sigh... I still want to buy a pair of roller blades and a new bottle of perfume for me to "pen xiang xiang" :) Sigh... It's erm, around, 25 more days to the next pay day? Haha.... bet it'll be gone soon too.

What did i spend my jan pay on? 80 to my dance fees, 100 to hospital fees, 50 to a bag, 20 to a wallet, 109 to zara (:P), near 30 to IP zone, and of course food and more food. :) No idea how much I spend on food, just keep eating when i'm hungry and stop when i'm full or when i've empty pockets.

Added 1 new colour to my nail polish last month, a deep red. Love it! Recently added 2 new ones too, one dark flesh tone and one purplish glitter, which i can only see the glitter. Haha... Not so nice to use for the whole nail so I guess I'm only gonna touch that in the future when i've more things to play with in that collection. :D Also a new eyeliner, and eyeshadows in earth tone! YEAH! My new year colour is brown. Got 2 sets of clothes in brown, 1 pair of new shoes in light brown and a pair of untouched shoes found in the cabinet in dark brown. Yep, so that new bag i bought is white and brown and the new wallet is light brown too! What a coincidence! Oh well. :D

I wanna buy paint, but no money left. My allowance would still be a little dependent on my coming ang pao money. Anyone wanna make donations?! *grins*

I "can't wait" for the results to be out, how nice it'll be to spoil the new year. -_-"

where am i

Hello ppl, sorry for my disappearing act. Not that you all care though. Haha... I've been working larz. since 8th jan. Too tired to blog when i'm home and I was addicted to this new american series called "House", so I had been watching "House" whenever i'm free. =) For those who do care, the next question would be what am i working as... I'm working as an e-service warden at Ministry of Manpower (MOM) now. Basically, we're supposed to guide customers on the various e-services we provide, such as online application for work permit. Yup.. basically. Actually, that should be all for this job. HOWEVER, customers ask us all sorts of questions so we have to try our best to answer them. So, what happens is that we'll be walking around a lot from our e-service lobby to the information counter to ask questions on behalf of our customers. What's bad about this job now, we're short of people, and sometimes, every terminal needs help. At these times, the 2 ppl there will be running around doing all the stuff for them and making other customers wait.

Well, some customers are really nice, very understanding and patient, while some others are not as patient but we just assume that they've tried their best. What I don't like is the extremely strong cigarette smell we have to put up with at times as some of our customers are smokers. Felicia will cough to death there arh. :P I nearly fainted one day when I had an extremely sensitive nose. Haha... Anyway, visit me when you're free larz

Currently, right now, at this very moment, I wanna go PS to buy new shoes. But i promised my mum to stay for dinner so I'll see if i'm gonna be un-lazy. Haha... I really wanna buy new shoes.

Sense of relief

The truth was revealed last night, near the end of the end of 2006 and the start of the start of 2007. Yep... Shall cut the story short though there are really a lot of things going on inside which i would like to dump here. No happy ending, heh heh... but at least I've one less thing to ponder on :) And of course, I feel smarter now xD From now, I'm going to gradually bid the silly me farewell, till the next person comes into the picture to make me a silly girl again. :P

I shan't lie and say that I'm not sad. I am sad, but I'm alright. Everything's fine... I'd rather have this than to stay in the agonising fogged world. So, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. *wink*

Oh, and thanks to all those ppl I've talked to, really helped... alright, kinda helped. haha... Just kidding... xD Love you people! Special thanks to pig for being there to help, and offering to come over to my place in the rain. Haha.. although that was meant as a joke, I know you care :) Really appreciate that you wanted to console me, to cheer me up, although I stopped you halfway from consoling me. :P Thanks to him for being truthful and straightforward, and for the attempt to make me feel better (or less dreadful. haha).

I'm a day late in saying this but, whatever.. Happy New Year peeps! :)

The future source of laughter

I feel like crying, so hopeless.... haha.
I love the walk home from great world city, quiet...
Just now, while walking back, I felt so much like crying...
just so I can get rid of the unhappy monster living inside me currently.
It's time I realise that there isn't hope, it's time...
and it's time I give up gracefully and stop feeling so useless and stupid.

My last decision was to wait till I hear from him,
but it never came, and it will never come.
I know it, this time, I'm dead sure...
It's the "now or never" kind of thing.
It's the last day of the year... nothing came...
No more speculation, no more...

It's not easy getting out even if you know that you'll get nothing staying inside.
I guess that's the hard part that we all have to learn the hard way.
But, learning doesn't mean you'll be able to get out of it. Ha...
Perhaps I should move on with my plan and just spit it all out,
then wait for the harsh words to come,
the harsh words that i need to hear in order to wake up.

I can only console myself,
"All these things I'm experiencing now will be a source of laughter in the future. I'll just look back at these stupid times and chuckle!"

Gorie Cup 2006

This group is the champion, and you can see why they won the Gorie Cup. Amazing, aren't they? :D How i wish I had the chance to learn all these stunts when I was their age. Now I'm kinda rusty and don't really dare to flip aroudn anymore. :P Except Cartwheels.

Oh and of course, they're all so cute!! kawaii!! ^^

Heather Martin - When Are You Coming Home

Found this video from Youtube.com, and it made me cry. I wonder if the little girl knows what she's singing, does she still remember the times she had with her big brother?

"War" sounds like history to me, but in fact it's still around. When will it really be called history?

A rather happy christmas with a bit of sadness

Was I too late?
Did I miss it by just a fraction of a second?
Or has nothing happened at all?

There's a clique gathering coming up, but I don't feel like attending. Kinda bad of me, but well.. just don't feel like it. There's a cca gathering this weekend, and I don't feel like attending that either. Sigh... what's the point? I'm not really attached to the club, it's like a 35 min ride there, or more since I most prob will go from the dance studio. But i need and want to pass christmas cards to my friends, whom I most probably won't get to meet since they're not exactly in my clique. I've to pay for it, and I've to wear my uniform, on a saturday? sigh... it's alright if i get to choose my seat, then i can sit with ppl i know, but if we've no choice but to sit in our own dept, erm... Hmm... A few hours ago, I've just decided to go for the gathering and now, I'm wondering abt my choice. We'll see. Perhaps till the time I've finally made a decision, it's too late to decide, so save me the trouble :D

Got some expected cards and gifts, and some unexpected cards. :D It's quite a happy christmas, with several dates and gatherings, and of course lotsa laughter... oh, and lotsa rain! Haha... It would've been a really great christmas if certain things were in place. Well, that's just too bad.

Things hadn't been as good as I would've preferred, and it got a lil worse since some time ago, when I kinda got reminded of a thing that had bothered me for quite some time all because of a stupid dream that's actually really nice (except for the after-effects). Dreams are just dreams, the sad part about them is that they are just dreams! Haha... Some people say that dreams are the opposite of reality, so if that's true, I should just bang my head on the wall hard enough to make myself less stupid.

Why must that dream come at this point of time?! It made my life worse! WORSE!! URGHHH... I'm looking forward to a day, which I actually am kinda scared of it coming my way. Haha... sounds like the day we get back our 'A' lvls results. :p Well, yeah, that is one of the days that are so, but this day I'm talking about is different, but similar. It's kinda like an indication too, or perhaps a last verdict. Haha... AHHHH!!

I've enjoyed all my christmas presents, except this very one I got from my grandaunt right on Christmas itself! It's bloody! Oops... and painful... and just makes me feel even more sad if i'm sad already. Make a guess. :P

Dream

I had a dream last night, a rather good dream. Well, it sounds great doesn't it, but the after-effects weren't that magnificent. It's not till the extent of pain, but it just isn't nice. Anyway, while trying to find lyrics for "dream a little dream of me", I ended up interpreting that dream online. *chuckles*

To get your dream interpreted online, it's not that easy. They have symbols and it's kinda complicated. But well, I looked through some of them and squeezed out several keywords from my dream to be interpreted as symbols. I'm gonna put up some of the keywords found in my dream and what they symbolise:

Friend(s) - Joy and consolation. Aspect of self ready for integration.
Night - Darkness. There is a mystery that I want to penetrate.
Rain - Release. Feelings pouring down on me.
Road - achievement of sth. Direction. Life's path.
Smiling - Looking for something that makes me happy
Stairs -Aspirations .Looking to get to certain point against all opposition.
Vehicle - Looking for a medium to get where I want to be.
Walking - Freedom. Movement. Ask yourself where do you want to go.

Yeah.. these are the ones i can draw from my dream. So, basically, many of them are regarding me finding something, and what I want to do etc. Hmmm... Well, I won't totally trust these things, but it's fun do it xD though you might think it's quite a waste of time. haha...

Anyway, I am currently addicted to Jamie Cullum's version of "Lover, You Should've Come Over". It's one of those unforgettable love songs. :)

Here's my webby!

Hi peeps! ^^ I'm happy coz I got to watch my Eragon just now, BIG SCREEN!! Nope, not the biggest one in vivo, but still... :) It's nice, but as all movies ripped from books are, some parts are shortened, and I do mean shortened. Some other parts are changed, like how that old rider died. Well, the movie moves a lot faster than the book, and I'll say that both are nice :) Oh and Christopher Paolini's a damn rich young fella now. *chuckles*

And I remember my other blog add now :) it's HERE! <-- click pls

The webby add should be quite easy to remember, and I'll add a link in my list of links so don't worry if you miss that. Hahaha.. I'll make sure I force all of you to visit my other blog, and post comments!! :P Erm, please just show some support! thanks!

Hurt my pinky today, it bled :(

Singapore Indoor Stadium

Went to Singapore Indoor Stadium for the first time in my life last evening to watch "Sound of a Thousand Years" organised by the buddhists in Singapore to commemorate something, which I'm not certain what and shall not try to speak of it here as I might say it wrongly and that won't be nice. Haha... Anyway, I went in my mum's place, and Mr Lee Kuan Yew went too! Amazing to see him. :) They invited a performing group from China that is really famous and had performed in about 50 countries and had won several prizes. The dancers are handicapped. Some lost their limbs, some are deaf, but the performance was fantastic! The Singapore Chinese Orchestra performed several pieces too, along with a female soprano, joi chua, a group of monks, and a choir which consists of people from Shanghai, NUS, TPJC, MJC and I think AJC. And a children choir from a buddhist primary school. :)

Please forgive me, I'm gonna talk more about the dance :D I've watched them dancing on YouTube.com before, and had wondered how they managed to be hitting the beats so nicely when they're deaf. Yesterday, I learnt that there are 2 helpers at 2 different corners of the stage, directing them with hand signals. Just watching these 2 helpers is pretty amazing too. Haha... It's not an easy feat to dance without listening to the music, yet to be in sync. I'm really impressed by the whole outcome though I have to say that I was pretty disappointed that the female dancers didn't really get to show off the flexibility and do stunts. But again, they're not really professional dancers. With their body language and facial expressions, it's already extraordinary. As a dancer myself, I can't help but be awed by the magnificence and by the will power of these beautiful young ladies and handsome young men! Mind you, they are really a group of beautiful people, especially the ladies.

For the “千手观音”(qian shou guan yin), they've generally captured the style of dancing. If I'm right, that dance is considered as 敦煌 (dun huang), which is a really tough kind of chinese dance. Not my favourite type of dance to dance, but it's extraordinary to watch it :) The group pulled 2 more dances too. In one of the dance, the male dancers awed me with the uncountable number of open-legged jumps they did. Haha.. i don't know what that jump's called. Anyway, they are really amazing!! I can't ask you to watch the performance coz it was only for a night. Yep. But you can watch the qian shou guan yin on YouTube.com :)

Oh, and the Indoor Stadium isn't that big either. Cheh!

Ah, talking about dance. Something not very nice is going on. Hahaha... now that i'm back to dancing weekly, i mean only for the normal dance lessons. Now that I'm school-less, with no need to worry about exams (hopefully "yet") and currently jobless, my dance instructor's trying to pull me back to the troupe and not just go for normal lessons. :P Oops.. but I've made up my mind not to go already, and it's 9 in the morning! no, no... Haha... Oh, something really bad happened too. I realised today during dance that I kinda pulled my muscle or vein on my left thigh. Can't even do a split after warming up, and there's a painful spot! Eeks! Hope that it'll be fine, dun really wanna go for acupuncture. And while I suffer from an injury, I realised that the other girl sprained her ankle, someone else had an injury for about a year, another one juz got herself injured again, and another... bah.. everyone of us is injured. Haha.. I guess that's what we can't avoid.

*Eragon tomorrow!! YAY!! Finally got to watch it :)*

New blog

Heh.. i created a new blog, specially for my drawing stuff. So, i guess the drawing stuff's not gonna appear here bah. :) err.. forgot the URL le.. tell you all some other time :P

My silent cry for help

"Help!" I cried, "Help me!"

I realised that I've been silently crying for help all this while,
Even though I know that no one could hear me.

Placing my cheeks against the pillow wet with tears,
and no, I did not sleep just like that.
I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling,
turning occasionally with my eyes tightly closed.
All the nights, I've been forcing myself to sleep before dawn.
All the nights, I just couldn't get myself to do that.

Don't be silly, this is not about him. For this once, I'm sure it's not about him.
Or at least, it's not just about him and he doesn't play a big role either...
It's just me.

Going through the same routine
day after day, night after night......
Gradually, I realised that I'm ill.

I'm so afraid... so afraid, but no one knows!
No one will realise the fear growing inside me until I tell them.

I'm not dumb enough to seek death, it's too dumb,
yet I'm dumb enough to lock myself in the toilet, crying...

I've not managed to find the reason for my being ill,
but I guess the best thing to do now is to stop thinking about it,
which is very hard.

"Short"

Just watched the documentary called "Short". Well you see, my family's relatively tall for East Asians so we don't understand how short people feel. Wah.. that sounds kinda mean. Anyway, I planned to watch it coz it seems interesting and yeah, it proved to be interesting. And you people who think that you're short, be thankful! You know how short is short? There's the 1% population with people around the height of 130 cm when they're 14, and mind you, they're guys! And I've been complaining about the 3 cm that I need to reach my dream height!

It seems like height matters more to guys, I mean, height issues are more important when talking about guys. There's this kinda typical situation where girls like tall guys and guys like shorter girls, I'm not saying everyone of course. Guys are supposed to be the strong figures who support and protect, and height seems to be an area of concern here. Well, as a female, I do admit that I look at guys height too. Haha.. and for my height (which is considered tall in Asia), height matters A LOT!! Which is kinda sad coz guys in Singapore are kinda short. Haha... The average height is above 170, taller than me but doesn't seem to be tall enough. Well, but i guess that's just an ideal since *ahem* someone's not that tall anyway! Haha...

Now a question for the girls, will you be able to date someone shorter than you? And I don't mean like 3 cm shorter, I mean like, 10 cm shorter kinda shorter. Will you be able to do that? Okay, erm.. you might think it impossible to find a guy that short, oops! hahaha.. but just imagine. For me, I doubt it'll be easy to do such a thing. Not looking down on short guys since it's really the inner self that matters more, but I doubt I can say that I will date a guy shorter than me. Is this considered as discrimination?

People like to be tall, why? Since I was a little kid, it seems like we're always competing to see who's the tallest, who's grown taller etc And several kids like me would be envied coz of our height. Is is really good to be tall? Well, statistics have proven that tall people on average get a higher pay than the average height people. Heh! Sounds great to me. Especially in business, tall people seem to have a certain advantage. But what's bad about being tall? I can list a few, I guess:

1. You just stick out (which can be good or bad, depending on situations)
2. Sometimes if you're not careful, you'll be attacked by all sorts of things hanging eg. branches, advertising boards, or the ring handle in trains.
3. In many situations, you either have to bend your knees or bend your body more than usual (like when you're taking pictures with friends). And guess what, for a dancer like me, I have to bend a lot lower than usual for some actions because we need to be in sync! Which means, more work for me to do!

Erm... can't think of much now, and don't feel like typing anymore. Oh one update about me, I've got muscleaches and they really ACHE!! Eeks! Having muscleaches really make you realise how much work you're putting on your different muscles in simple actions such as getting yourself up in the morning and out of your bed, or just sitting on the toilet bowl and standing up after you're done.

原来爱情这么伤

最近迷上了梁咏琪的新歌 《原来爱情这么伤》。 歌词非常有意思，也很贴切。若你还未听过这一首歌，不妨上网找找。

原来爱情这么伤，比想象中还难
泪水总是不听话 幸福躲起来不声不响

歌词中是这么说道。这令我有很多感触，蛮有感染力的。的确比想象中还难！但是，泪水不再不听话，或许早已习惯了吧。幸福就想歌词里说的，根本就找不到了。

太多道理太牵强 道理全是一样
说的时候很简单 爱上后却正巧打乱

我想大家对这一段也有同感吧。大道理说了很多，但当自己陷进去时，却什么都不会了。

。。。那一天不会到来吧。。。

Prom Night

Just came back from prom! Ok, not exactly "just". Haha... went to Balcony with frenz, and then did some things at home before coming online :P Well, I'm here to post prom pictures! Heh heh.. the quality not very good coz once again, I used my phone to take pictures... Everyone looks so stunning and our dear Charleston had the honour to sit with 9 girls in our table. Haha... With my 3 inches high heels, I finally got the chance to hit my dream height!! Well, beyond it, in fact. YAA!! Heh heh... but yeah, quite painful larz, after walking for so long.

Well, I wore a teal short spag dress that's quite nice, and a black jacket which i like a lot... both from Forever 21 :) 3 inches high heels from Bata, accessories from mum's stocks (heh heh.. so convenient) and that same black bag i used last time. With my black jacket, I thought I looked more formal, less revealing (though there's nothing much to reveal :P), and less sexy (even though I believe that sexiness can't be blocked by clothes)... but several people actually told me that I look sexy. =_= Hmmm... ok, that came as a surprise. Haha...

And that stupid ming yuan, she went larz! LIAR!! haha.. she messaged to say tt she's not going and even though i was suspecting something else, I believed her in the end. Well, but I have to say that I'm glad she went. :) She looks pretty as usual. Mel and Liaw look young and the young kind of cute, haha... Eileen looks sexy, only if she removes the shawl... I've been thinking of evil schemes to reveal her cleavage lorz.. haha.. :P Xiaowei looks soooooooooo cute!! goodness!! so cute!! haha.. that's all i have to say for her whole look. SO CUTE!! ^^ and Kai Li looks a little gothic, the softer kind. Cindy, looks like a bridesmaid... coz she's dressed in white. The only guy in our table, Charleston, looks charming. He's not what i would call handsome but yeah, he does look charming bah :) Sufie crowned as prom queen!!! So happy for her.. so proud tt she's in A31! She's in a white gown, the puffy kind. Filzah looks so sexy in her red gown. :D Iman, cowboy with his red scarf. Haha... he's goofy as usual bah. Ja didn't come, neither did Jo.

Erm... oh ya. I wanted to talk abt what happened before Prom. I went to do my hair, and i was in my green sweater and shorts. haha.. with my prom hair. Oh my. So off can! I was so glad it was raining coz at least i got an umbrella to cover my head, or rather cover my view so I won't see all the eyes darting to my weird outfit. Haha.. so I walked in orchard like that! So weird larz, and so paiseh... Finally I reached my mum's place and got dressed and she helped me with the make up. Phew... I guess all those paiseh moments on the street's worth it bah. Haha..

OH! And i went to the wrong hotel! Well, my dad drove me there, and i just got off even though I felt weird. Coz my friends told me it's at clarke quay but I was at city hall!! haha.. I saw an innovian and took cab with her. So funny. What's worse? The taxi driver doesn't know the way. =_= So we walked there from MOM. Was like so damn late already larz, yet so many people were outside standing, taking pictures and all. Hahaha.. so we weren't late even though we were late. Heh? hahaha...

Went to the balcony and even though all my friends strongly encouraged me to take cab home, I decided to walk home. haha... It was almost 2 am and I walked just like that. Well actually I quite enjoy walking, especially when it's all quiet. :) If it wasn't for the killer heels, I would have totally enjoyed the walk home. I still enjoyed it though, just not totally. Heh heh... And I finally got to take a picture of something that I've always wanted to take!! How come I only took it just now? Coz it's weird to take the picture when there are ppl around looking. haha... So happY!! But i didn't dare to move too close coz it's pitch black beside that pillar, where the walkway leads to an old building.

K finally, the pictures! :D Not all of them though, just some of them. :)

new drawings =]

Heh.. So i've been drawing a little here and there and here's the outcome!! Erm... ya. This one is another of my mad drawing. Hope tt you'll like it =) And ya.. i know, it looks kinda incomplete coz that twirly thingy's only at one corner.. a bit lazy to draw another one since it's quite experimental. haha..


Erm.. this one here is supposed to be a sketch of sth i saw online.. i completed it today but the picture's not taken yet.. so this is the incomplete version. Hmm... After completing it, I am really not satisfied.. and I realised that shadows are hard stuff. *sigh* I still think that the completed version is somewhat ugly. Haiz.. so ugly that I don't dare to show you the original picture i saw online. Haha.. That lady is very pretty leh.


The eyes had problem, the angle of the nose has problem, the shadow from the side of the lip to her face has A LOT of problem, her left nostril was somewhat problematic too.. AHHHHH~ It was an interesting experience... And i drew while listening to Enya in the evening, nearly fell asleep while shading. xD

I guess I have A LOT of work to do. *sigh* It's still kinda hard to reach "a life sketch a day". And tomorrow's back to dancing... Haiz.. wonder how i'm gonna survive in dance after so long. Eeks! Erm.. Let's hope that i'll come back alive tomorrow. And that I'll wake up early enough to meet up with yuan yuan!! Ha..