Talents, redundants, and dance : P

I wonder if you guys re-read your blogs. Well, yesterday, I had been re-reading my blog. Not the whole thing of course. Started from April 2006's entries. Reached one entry where I mentioned Frank Sinatra's song "It had to be you", which, when i was typing that entry, was being played on Windows Media Player. Why the emphasis on this particular song back then? Well, the lyrics hit me hard on my face, and the bruise's still there :P So I thought I should listen to that song again! Went to windows media player to search for that song. As i listened to it play, something struck me. The beginning tune sounds so familiar... FIR!!

Yeah, it sounds like one of the songs from FIR. Thought hard and i remembered the song title. So, I went to search for that song. Since "F.I.R." and "Frank Sinatra" both begin with F, they're in the same page. I played FIR's, yeah it sounds alike... played Frank's again... hmm... seriously very alike! Played FIR again, omg they're almost the same. Played Frank's again, ok they ARE the same. And what did I do while going through this whole process of double clicking here and there? I was laughing mad!! Hahaha.... Thought this discovery's funny. In the end, I spent quite some time amusing myself clicking these two songs repeatedly. Haha...

Actually, this isn't the first thing I found out about FIR being a copycat. The first "copy" was months ago. Haha.. Perhaps last year :P Not sure if all of you had heard of this japanese band called "do as infinity" (aka DAI). They're quite famous actually. Anw, in that band, there's 2 guys, and one female singer. They also play rock music.. soft rock? not sure if that's what you call them. :P It's not just this that seems alike. Sometimes, I find that Faye's style and look is a copy of the lady from DAI. Oh, and actually the band names seem kinda similar too. Do as infinity, Fairyland in reality. Sigh... why is it that mando-pop must be so cheap at times? But I still kinda like FIR, so well... hahaha... as long as they stop trying to act cool.

My favourite's still Mayday! But there's a possibility that they'll be leaving this industry soon. That's sad isn't it? Not that the crowd don't like them, but that they might voluntarily leave the industry. They're original! And crazy!! hahaha... they're a bunch of funny people. Unlike those useless boy bands with only their faces to show (or for some, their body) mayday has talent! I mean, look at say... 183 club. I bet that's the funniest of them all. Hahaha... My friend laughed at the band's name. They're called 183 club because their average height's 183. -_-" Alright, perhaps name's not that important an issue. But can they sing? *ahem* nope. hahaha...

There was this time, when I was watching a taiwanese entertainment show. Someone from ENERGY's co-hosting the show. So, they were supposed to have a singing competition (with a theme) among several celebrities invited, and including the hosts. He, the one from ENERGY, self-admitted that he can't sing! GOodness!! You're in a boy band and you can't sing?! What is this? o.O What's worse? He actually knows that he can't sing!! Hahaha... I guess pure talent's not that important anymore.

Talent! That brings me to the "next big thing" in singapore. You know, that dance competition. Yep, I think it'll be better than Singapore Idol. BUT! Can singaporeans appreciate those artsy dances? Or would we just go for hip hop or break dance? I guess this show would reveal more than just the talented dancers in Singapore. It might be able to show us Singaporean's taste and preferences, when it comes to dance. I really wonder how it'll be like... *excited* haha... But i'm more excited about the second season of "So you Think you can Dance"!!! ^^

I feel like Colbert now.. haha.. "dance" brings me to the next topic, which is, dance! hahaha... k lame. Went for dance practice today. Second time since the comeback. :) Good sign! Last week, I could feel that I've lost a lot of -- no, it's not weight, though i wish it is -- flexibility as I warmed up. But as i danced through the day, it got better. Today, of course it's better than last week, but i'm still not fully back yet. Surprisingly, my teacher asked me if I had been stretching at home. This question came as a surprise! What went through my mind...

"Oh no, is she trying to find out if i had been a lazy student? coz I hadn't been practising at all! Sharks! Wait... she seems quite happy, she must be expecting a positive for some reason..."

So in the end, I took a lot of turns and didn't really answer her question. :P hahaha.. but by listening to what I had said, most people would think that I had practised a little at home. hahaha.. Well, she asked that question because she found that my recovery's quite fast. Although I hadn't been dancing for weeks, I can still bend backwards and touch the ground etc. Well, I have to admit that my back's quite flexible, so it's pretty easy to "recover". Haha... so bhb :P But, my leg's not that well. Sigh... they're not as flexible. And I can't point well, which is really bad for a dancer. Ouch! I'm not that good afterall. haha..

sleepless night

才刚睡下去没多久，就有醒了。那时大概是凌晨一点时分... 好久没有这种感觉了，还蛮累的，但就是睡不着。好希望自己能快点睡下去，但就是睡不着。光躺在床上，什么也不做，只会让我想很多事情。所以在床上翻了大概两个钟头后，便起床干点事儿了。

I suspect this has something to do with that something which i suspect is that something. Haha... I guess a person can go mad at 4 am due to insomnia :P

How is it possible for one to feel happy, hopeful, yet sad and worried? But that's exactly how i feel right now! While tossing and turning for 2 hours, wondering how I'm feeling exactly, that's what I get. All of a sudden, the emotional self has taken over the calm one. Perhaps it's a sign of the arrival of the monthly one. eeks.. ok random. Sat on the bed hugging my pillow while wrapped in my super thick and comfortable blanket, I thought of things that i could do while going through a sleepless night. Computer wasn't available back then coz it was occupied :P Haha.. brother was playing dotA. What came to my mind? First, comics! Coz i'm currently re-reading some books of conan. Second, milo. Haha... so it'll be drinking milo while reading comics. :) Third, pride and prejudice vcd. Seems like it's my all time favourite.

-sidetrack-
Pride and prejudice vcd. Since the time i bought it, it had been with me through quite some stuff. Remember crying over all the sad things and all the happy things when I'm sad, thinking that all the good things rarely happen in real life. But also grinning at all the happy stuff, funny stuff AND sad stuff when I'm happy, thinking that all the things happening are just part of the happy ending. Keira Knightley's so beautiful. Ha.. random too.
-moving back to main topic :P-

All of a sudden, while I thought and thought (and perhaps had thought too much) about the thing, I felt like crying. Seriously I think it's a sign of the monthly one. haha... oh no, :( I feel like crying again. hahaha... sure sign already. It's not that bad things had happened, it's the reverse! Good things had happened!! In fact, many good things had happened. Everything's good (if we ignore academics :P). Just the 2 arts related events are good enough already! I've also moved back to dancing last saturday (which reminds me, I have to contact my friend who hadn't been attending for a long time) after a few weeks of skipping. And the balloon that seems to be hope is showing again! I'm just worried...

我很怕... 怕这一切只是我一厢情愿的想法。我担心一切的一切，只因为我非常在意，而显得特别。眼中的希望，或许只是我太敏感而幻想出来的。他说的一句话，不断地在我脑海里，重复的出现。我听起来，那句话非常特别，似乎有双重意思，英文把它叫做 "pun"。可是，我就是担心那只是我一厢情愿的想法。我害怕说者无意，而听者多心呀！为什么事情就不能简单点，清楚点，让一切都明了，省得我心里七上八下的。唉~ 不禁让我在心中呐喊着：

“单恋好辛苦呀！”

猛然发现，沉浸在这痛苦的单恋里的我，竟变成了一个小女人。真不知该喜还是该忧。

Happy Birthdays!!

Happy Birthday to Fel! Paiseh, downtown east's a bit far and no one on our side's going... it'll be so awkward :P But well, we don't have to be physically present as long as you know that we're always there to care :) it rhymes!! haha... Take care lots and lots k fel!

Next, Happy Birthday Chaky!! Let me see... minus away the games, I guess i still got treat you larz :P Fun games!! (with some that seems a bit *ahem* yep, boring) YOU STOLE MY HEART QUEEN!! Hmph you for that! And i've got no other choice but to admit that your brains are a lot better than mine coz you're always left with less squares. I won't mind if you slice a bit off your brain and stick it to mine. Oh, i mean you keep the tiny slice and i take the big portion. Hahaha...

Swensens was way too full, I wonder why... I didn't eat anything after I woke up at 11, and drank only dilmah peach tea. We had free ice cream! Nope, not the usual firehouse. Well, of course the firehouse's there too, but got one extra plate each lei. =/ And she didn't even bother to check his ID for birthday!!

Was supposed to watch "The Devil wears Prada" at gv grand. The only slot available's 4.50pm. Well, I thought we'll end early, but we ended up playing board games and card games which took about 2 hours. Hahaha... The cafe was way noisy, reminds me of IJC's library with J1s :P

While walking back to ps, where chaky'll meet his second batch of clients for the day, where I'll cross the road to take a bus home :) Saw a familiar uniform that looks like half-riped bananas, then saw a familiar face.... it was cassandra from dance!! She saw me too of course. Ha.. Then, at the bus stop, I saw someone as skinny as zihua, and looks like zihua in JJ's uniform. Messaged piggy and found out tt zihua's in JJ, so it IS zihua. :P haha.. town's filled with crescentians i guess.

Still working on fel's birthday present :) Done the basic structure already, just need some colours.. Chaky suggests we mass-produce these cards and sell in school, to start small. hahaha... So, any orders? :P

希望之火再度燃起，但我总得警惕。。。

或许，这已成为了一种习惯，因为害怕受到伤害。

若可行的话，希望点燃蜡烛的人能清楚地说明那是否就是希望之火。

More pictures

Travelled around today, to SPH then to AKQA@ADK. Went to SPH to get my prize, the $300 pilot hamper. Well, a lot of pens, but not as many as we had all imagined. Hahaha.. some of them look really expensive. Haven't opened it yet, so I didn't find out what are those things hidden inside. 2 unknown boxes. Hmm.. but well, some of these pens would be gone to chaky bah. To AKQA@ADK located at bugis to pass the CD with the high resolution files to them. Well, My dad drove me around, so it wasn't tiring. But i walked in the rain while trying to search for the company at bugis. Didn't mind doing that though, feels good. :) Anw, i wore a cap, so it's alright. As long as my eyes don't get provoked, I doubt they'll eat you up.

So well, here are more pictures. Enjoy, and comments please!


These 2 pictures of 2 heads (Each) are attempts to do sth different, inspired by a card eileen had bought for me while she's in taiwan. Haha.. Had wondered why she actually bought sth for me, but she said that she thought of me immediately when she saw it. Well, it was a card, designed of course. :) As usual, I used my pilot G2 0.5 black pen, with a marker that's quite like copic, but I've forgotten the brand name. :P



For the pencil doodle, if i'm not wrong, it was done when i'm still in a rather moody self. And if i'm not wrong again, it was due to him. Yes, him. =/ Oh, well. Whatever! That's why the picture looks lonely and sad. Not sure if it does with you, but well, I drew it, I know how i had felt. Another one of my "eerie no eyes" series :)



The colourful one, it's my attempt to do sth new (yet old) again. Think I did it when zek was trying to psycho me into joining the contest organised by TNP. Yep, tried out some stuff with colours, and that's one of them. It was meant to be quite big actually, but I was lazy. Anyway, my friends didn't think it was good. Hmm... But come to think of it, I think it's more that i'm lazy bah. Haha.. coz actually, i'm quite fond of this too. Don't know why but it seems quite 2D moving to 3D. Get what i mean?

. . . a r t l o a d s . . .

YAY! Though I don't have a scanner at home, my bro has his digi-cam. But i never knew how to control e flash and e macro thingy, so i seldom touch it. But just now, I suddenly felt like taking pictures of my drawings. It all started with e present that I'll be giving my friend as a birthday present. I kinda like it, so I thought I should take it down before it's gone! Haha... So in the end my bro came back to teach me more on how to operate his camera :)

In short, enjoy the pictures :)

2 shots of the birthday present.

(my friend doesn't visit my blog.. so it's ok to post it :P)

While trying out the colour combi, I doodled a little. And i think it's quite cute. haha...

This one is a third drawing done after being inspired by alex noriega :) He made me spend so much time drawing in the school library when i'm supposed to mug up!! It looks kinda empty. I had intended to draw some more things inside, but well, lazy. The engine stopped after I've reached this stage.

This is my third attempt in sketching real life ppl. Why didn't I complete it? Because the hair's too Urghh.. to draw. And i drew the whole thing in the school library again. :P My way of making use of the school library!

Lastly, something that i'm VERY fond of. :) Guess it really says what i'm trying to say. Read the chinese words! Well, if you can't read, it says "is this how it feels like to lose hope, to wait alone?" Sometimes, I still feel this way, but not as often as the past. Perhaps it's because I kept psycho-ing myself to give up bah! o.O This is one of my "eerie no eyes" series that's forever growing! :P A few of them are being *favourited* by me. Haha.. meaning that i really like them a lot, and this is one of them!

Well, my bro wants to use e com. So i can't upload anymore (and it takes such a long time to upload coz the file's big. But i'm lazy to shrink them anw :P). So, now that you've taken a peek at my sketchbook 2, comments please? :)

W O O O O O O O ~

Never ending surprises! They just pop up like that! You know, just like *poof*. Yeah! Just like that! Haha... you must be wondering what i'm on about. Well, it's

Good News!!

That's what it is! :)

Well, someone called me while i was in the midst of my chinese paper yesterday. I didn't know i had a phone call of course, I don't cheat during exams :P So anw, 2 miss calls from the same number that's not in my record. So while I was wondering if I should call back, after I've checked my phone, someone called with that number again! Whoaa~ Must have sensed my mind power. Haha... So anw, while walking to the toilet, outside, waiting for my friend, that person said that she's from -----Singapore. So it's something singapore, but i didn't catch that "something". So I was like "what?!", she repeated, and this time round I heard it clear!

"I'm calling from NoiseSingapore. Congratulations, you have been shortlisted. Now we need a high resolution copy ... ... ..."

Once i heard, NoiseSingapore, I knew what it's all about! Haha.. Just never knew that they'd inform me this soon. I thought it'd be like around november or earliest possible october. Yeah, I'm shortlisted! I mean....

YEAH!!

Haha.. that's about all the excitement I've got here. But I don't know about all the resolution stuff. :P Had them email me the details so that I can ask chaky for help :D Since he did all those things already, doubt he'll mind helping. :P Haha... happy happy happy!!!

HURRAH FOR ME!!! HURRAH FOR ME!!!

NoiseSingapore's bigger than TNP's "express yourself" contest, most probably(even though I don't get a prize from NoiseSingapore :P). To know what NoiseSingapore's all about, click on the link on the right column *wink* Just in case you had no idea, the link had been there since.... some time ago. haha.. since i changed my blogskin bah! :)

So now there's gonna be a festival, and according to the email, the festival's on 9 Nov 6.30 - 9 pm. And guess what, I've just checked my 'A's timetable, and on that day, it's math paper 2, ending at 5 pm!! And the next paper's econs essay on 14 Nov!! I wonder if i'll have the time for all these. Eeks~

Random stuff in great world macs

Days of studying in Great World macs... see that it's a favourite hangout for many more other than me. More people go there to study now, some others just sat there to chat and have fun... some always spend their time outside with their usual cliques. Sometimes you'll catch some underage smokers, or some gang-member-looking people. Haha...

Anyway, i've realised some interesting things about myself. They seem interesting to me, not sure if they are interesting to you. :P

First, height seriously helps when you need some attention. Well, I know i'm not good-looking (might not even fit for average looking :P) and that I don't catch attention in macs. BUT! haha.. when I stand up to go to the toilet, or to buy food/drinks, I'll see some eyes on me. Well, it's all about height. Some will look at me, then look at my feet (to search for heels xD). But of course, these eyes do not stay long on me since i'm no interesting creature with no good looks and no figure. HA!

Second, this might sound "not bad mah!" to you guys, but I know it's not good. xD At times when I sit backfacing the wall, people who walk past will look at me. BUT! That's when they're a distance away, and when my head's a little down. HA! So well, if they're up close, I think I'll scare them away :P

Nothing more to say le bah. So sian every day. SIgh...

h e l o o k s c o o l o n h i s b i k e

The last time i saw him, he was in his school uniform, I think... haha.. if it was him. But the uniform looks alien! I mean, we're of the same age, so naturally if he's wearing uniform, I'd be expecting JC, or some institute(which currently is just MI)... can't be ITE also mah.. he doesn't look ITE to me, neither does his uniform. He's still tall and lean, and a lot fairer than i am :P And he still looks quite him.

Remember discussing about the guys in our class with a friend of mine back in primary school days... I remember her mentioning that he's actually quite shuai, just that he's short. Hmm.. look at him now! He's tall! He was so so so so short!! NOW HE'S TALL!!! Bet my friend would be so excited, if she remembers what we had discussed about, and in the first place, if i remember who that friend is :P Yeah, i've forgotten who she is. HAHA...

Anyway, I saw him just now. I was walking out of the lane, turning to walk along the main road back home. Then, I saw this guy cycling downhill. Alright, he's not the poseur-like kinda cool, but the naturally cool, in his casual wear. :) That's cool isn't it! So i saw him, and I saw that he saw me too. And i guess he saw that I saw him too. HAHAHA... Not sure if he recognises me though. Hmm... never mind that. Yeah, so he looks quite cool cycling, and to add on, he had looked smart and cool in his uniform too!! It's that kinda tucked in smart and cool!! Was wondering if he's cycling with a destination in mind or just cycling. My guess is just cycling in the night feeling the breeze :)

It's not my first time seeing him on his bicycle, but again, I don't see him often. Seeing him cycle just now makes me feel like doing the same! Because the night breeze's just so refreshing, and it's quiet! Seeing him again, makes me feel like making friends with him. :)

We had been classmates for 6 full years, and we don't really know each other. He helped pass notes to me though, back in primary 4, when I had a very long MC and had to stay at home after surgery. We live in the same block you see... so, well. :) Hadn't been able to thank him back then, so I shall thank him here, where he most probably won't get to see... haha.. Thank you Julius! :) Oh, and we actually said hi to each other back in secondary school days, when I saw him one day with his brothers. Bumped into them at the gate downstairs, so he said hi. Hmm.. Kids make friends easily. But that time, we were in the lift together, no one spoke! HAHA.. I can't confirm it's him, so i didn't speak. But then again, even if i can confirm it's him, I most likely won't speak anyway. :P

So well, hopefully I'll make friends with him one day. :) At least we'll greet when we meet, and not just suffer the awkward moments, debating whether we should say hi. HAHA...

These foolish games are tearing me apart

一次又一次，

屡战屡败...

我投降了，

我认命了。

累了又怎样？

还得再战啊！

当我痛苦的在战场上，

挣扎着，想打赢你时，

你毫不费力的，毫无知觉的，

就这样一直让我惨败。

对于我的痛苦，

你一无所知。

对于你心里所想得，

我一无所知。

无奈的是...

我只看得见你的不屑。

Foolish games - jewel

You took your coat off and stood in the rain

You were always crazy like that I watched from my window

Always felt I was outside looking in on you

You were always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair

You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care

Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say

Besides some comment on the weather

Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see

This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees

These foolish games are tearing me apart

Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

You're breaking my heart

You were always brilliant in morning

Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee

You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you

You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones

As I clumsily strummed my guitar

Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else

Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself

These foolish games are tearing me apart

You're tearing me, tearing me, tearing me apart

Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

You're breaking my heart

You took off your coat and stood in the rain

You were always crazy like that

that's all!

More youngsters spotted at gwc macs today, studying. Seems like the number of muggers there's shooting up. Hmm... Is that due to the nearing of Os and As? But i do see a lot of Os students there, and sometimes a few As students. Oh, well.. as long as they shut up, it doesn't bother me that much. :)

Met chaky today to pass him e card i made specially to thank him for the x number of times. Haha... no scanner to scan the (supposedly) beautiful card (which got ruined by my attempts to make it even nicer). Yep... but anw, he said that it's nice, so i guess it's fine larz. :P Oh, but when i said "i'm off le...", he's like "huh? that's all?" HAHAHA.. oops. Sorry to say, but yeah, that's all. :X I'll still be giving him a treat of course. I'm considering 2 options currently, swensens or a week's worth of canteen food. haha... not that i'm trying to be stingy k, it's because he's ever so busy and not like i'm always free, it's hard to find time. No choice... But he said that it's ok to not treat him, since we actually had agreed that i'll treat him if i get the canon ixus. perhaps I should heed his advice. :P Juz joking.

Wonder if I should study out tmr. If i do study out, should i ask my frenz to go to sch and study, or should i study alone in gwc? Hmmm... Oh well, i'm hungry. Shall go play gunbound now. haha.. no link. OH YA! I'm no longer a tiny axe!! I'm now a BATTLE AXE!! but i'm e noobest battle axe. At least I won't get kicked out that easily with a battle axe. Haha..

HUH? THAT'S ALL? yeah. xD

A roller coaster ride

Yesterday had been a roller coaster ride? Can i say that? Haha...

Zek called while i was at e bus stop outside orchart mrt station, asking me to get a copy of the new paper because the results of "Express Yourself" was out yesterday. The first thing that came into my mind, and which i blurted out on the phone, was "Don't tell me i won something..." Unfortunately, zek replied "I don't know the results, but it's out today.... " -_- CHEH!

*You ppl muz be asking, 'what's "Express Yourself"?' Well, remember the other time I asked all of you to vote for green, blue or orange? Yeh, that was for "Express Yourself" competition. And i guess you all know what "Express Yourself" means right. haha.. *

The 2 of us then debated for a while...

--his stand: "I think you'll win"

my stand: "I don't think i'll win anything"--

...with him saying that he has confidence in me, in the kinda tone like I've seriously won it.

So first thing I did when i reached gwc was to purchase the new paper from 7-eleven. Flipped through the pages, frantically looking for my art, and didn't managed to find a thing. Flipped from the back to the front, and it ended the same way. -_- I called to tell him that it's not inside, but that was after I jokingly lied to him that i won. Haha.. He said that he'll check with his friend again, and less than a minute after I hung up, while flipping through the pages again, reading the news, I FOUND IT! It was pictureless, and only showing the names of the winners(no wonder I couldn't find it). So, I started looking for my name, which should be an easy job since i've seen it for at least 15 years (nursery till now) and because "Q" is such a rare letter for a surname.

Surprise, surprise! I found my name! It was under "consolation prize". So I did win something(yay!) but i lost the debate(boo..)! Hahaha... mind you, I don't mind losing the debate to win that competition k. Of course, I called him!! And i told him calmly that I won a consolation prize. He seemed more excited than I was, but well, I'm always seemingly calm. Haha.. He was like "hey not bad what! Consolation prize! $300 hamper!..." and all i could say was, "orh, ok lorz" HAHAHA... totally, see how calm I was. And my calmness only made him think that i'm not happy that I won a consolation prize. He even asked me if it's because I thought that i'll win a canon ixus (which is e prize for e top 3 entries). Haha.. please lorz, i didn't even think i'll get anything.

He then told me that his friend had told him that my drawing's displayed on the webby, as one of the "selected entries" for category 2. I just checked it for myself, and found that it was one of the four selected entries. FOUR!!! that means i was so close to winning an ixus!! hahaha.. but never mind. It's beyond my imagination for winning a consolation prize already. Oh, and my bro mocked the other winner "who won just by taking a picture of his eye", quoting him. HAHA.. whatever.

Winning something in a competition does help in your life sometimes, even if it's just a consolation prize. I told my bro that i won, and when i got home, he told me that he told mum already. And surprisingly, I kinda got a different treatment from my parents! Not that they don't usually treat me well, but yesterday was all smiles and happiness, you know. haha.. and my dad was still saying happily "wha.. you finally woke up!" when i woke up at 3 pm today. Oh and btw, I woke up finding a fan at the door, facing my room. My dad had specially moved it there so that I can sleep well, although it's time when i should wake up. See how powerful it is?

Anyway, check it out yourself...

http://www.beyourselfday.com.sg/entries.html

Paint illustrations

Well, since I can't scan my hand-drawns, I shall post my illustrations done with Paint (yes, that paint that's so pathetic) and my new mouse that always go outta control (Hate the new mouse coz I cannot draw properly. hmph!)

This is the first one, and it's called froggie. Yep, juz froggie. Actually, I think it'll look nicer without the blue background, but well, it's not really my concern. But as fred had said, it's kinda plain. But again, it's not my concern. hahaha....

Oh and how much I love this one! It's called Robo xD. I think it's so damn cute larz! ok... have to control myself a bit. *ahem* ok.. yeah, I love this a lot and I hope you'll like it too xD.

Regarding him...

是我不懂得把握机会，还是这是命中注定？

Sometimes, I feel that the chance is there, but I'm passive. I always wait for him to do something and seldom am the one who initiates. Why? Because I keep thinking that he'll find me a bother if I initiate a chat or sth. So to prevent this kinda stuff from happening, why not let him do the job? But when he does the job, I didn't react very well too. Sigh...

If all that had happened was due to fate, I really would like to say, "FATE! CAN YOU STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH ME?"

Inspiring experience

Came online one day -- I think it was Sunday -- and bumped into this video on Youtube, featuring this illustrator drawing his stuff. From that video, I didn't really got "WOW"-ed, but after I visited the link it provided, I "WHOOAAA"-ed. Haha.. Yep, those of you in my class might have heard me blabbering abt him several times a day. He's none other than Alex Noriega. I'm here introducing an illustrator to you! I think i'll be doing this more often, digging out artists from the net. I want a scanner too, so that I can join in the posting of lots and lotsa illustrations! Scanner for my christmas present anyone? :)

And here's one of his illustrations during his free time :)

Talking about scanner, imagine all the tech tools that I need, or rather want (since i'm not really an artist now)... Scanner, Wacom tablet, Photoshop, and more... :X Sigh... where am I gonna get all the money. When it comes to this kinda situation, I really envy those rich brats who don't even know how to appreciate what they've got. Well, who am I to talk bad about them when i'm not rich but too don't know how to appreciate what I've got! Haiz...

Time when I don't wanna talk to him, or am too busy to chat, he approaches me; When I feel like talking to him, he doesn't find me (neither do i find him). Call it fate? Sigh... When I don't wanna see him, I see him almost everywhere I go. When I long to see him, he's no where to be seen. Guess we're just not destined, sad. Bahhh... shall not talk about him. HMPH!

Got more chunking notes from econs. It's microeconomics now and the notes are not micro at all. It's like THIS THICK. Haha.. of course you won't know how thick it is, but that's not my concern. :X

11 days from now and I just lost my momentum during the weekend. Blame it on kinia for returning? xD Or blame it on Alex Noriega for inspiring me to draw more? (erm... I actually completed 2 pieces within 2 days after visiting his blog, the third one's almost finished too) Hopefully, I'll be able to upload my illustrations soon too. My only solution now is to ask one of my friends to help me scan, but everyone's busy now. Oh, or I can ask Mr. Lee, but he's busy too. xD Or I can go to NMA lab to scan, but i'm busy too. :X

Tomorrow's GP prelim and I don't even feel like touching GP. My life's almost revolving around econs now when I only count those times I study. >.<>

从前 vs 未来

古文明总给人一种浪漫的感觉，很有文化气息，很雅致，也很美。今天的主体灵感来自于《海贼王》。你一定觉得很奇怪吧，两者之间有何共同点？其实，是读者寄的画作，里头有一幅的背景是旧式的火车，而尾田先生的想法是: “还是旧式的火车好！”之类的。突然，就让我想起了古代的文明。

古时候的房子，古时候的井，古时候的艺术品，古时候许许多多的东西，不需要人的陪衬，便能显得出它的高雅，华丽气质。但若问起比较现代化的东西，并不是说所有物品都失去了这特别的气质，只是显得比较冷漠。未来，更不用说了。设计中的“未来”总显得很干净，但也很冷漠。白色，银色，塑胶，铁片。。。 我们对于未来，总会想起的颜色，便是如此。

是否，人也是如此呢？是否，从前的人们比现代的人们来的浪漫，有文化，有情调，有气质。。。或许吧。我是个活在现代人，对于过去，我不完全了解，最多也只能凭着书上说的。对于未来，我一无所知，最多也只能听科学家说的，抑或听听人们对未来的“梦想”。美丽的语言，崇高的礼节，悠久的文化，到了现在，已不再是生活的一部分，各成了一种科目。那么，未来呢？人们以后是否仍会面对面的，保留着那种特殊的感情，还是会把“足不出户”挂在嘴边呢？

未来会如何，要看现在。

我到底想说什么？我也不清楚。

GB has many sore losers

Haha.. yeah, i changed my blogskin again, but this time round, i think i'm gonna stick with it for a while :P

Actually, I like this skin. I've seen this skin before, but back then, i was too lazy to change e colour of e fonts to suit a black background (my bg was white previously), but now that i've changed e font colours, i guess it's alright :D

Had some gunbound juz now, not a good day today. Played with a sore loser who started scolding me a bitch juz because he lost badly. Well, this kinda person's not uncommon in online games, so i merely ignored. Then, when i finally lost to him, he said "you lose bitch". And, i continued to ignore him... Well, i have to admit tt i was getting to be angry, but well, not angry enough to scold. If I start scolding, it really means you're getting on my nerves. Finally, he made me reached that peak by saying that i'm a noob, juz not as friendly as that. :X Hmm.. i don't mind being called a noob actually, but it's just that it's HIM calling me a noob! So, I scolded him back, saying tt he's not any better (but i'm friendlier than him), and he started scolding some stuff. Like.. urghh.. and then he scolded "you asian piece of shit" LIKE WHAT?! so i scolded him back "you aussie piece of shit". I then felt tt i'm being unfair to the other aussies, so i added "you're a disgrace to all australians". HA! He said that asia hates me. Well, all i can say's that he's a sore loser. :) Luckily, the nx guy who came in was SUPER NICE! so i got happy again xD

met up with mama and all today! :) had fun? Ermm.. can't say tt we had fun, but it's not a moment to be missed because it's not often that we can all meet up like that. Oh.. Kinia grew taller. *pouts* she's 172 cm now *pouts even more*. 172!! MY IDEAL HEIGHT! And she's actually in third year uni now, when she's just 17. hmm... she's graduating at 19, tt's e age we get into e U, if i can even make it there.

Guilt: Haven't been studying today besides doing a few mcq questions from e econ tys.

I'm hungry

what's up with us?!

Hmm... towards the end of last year, I was reminded by my dad during a visit to NSC that I was once an interesting subject to the many doctors and trainees there. Well, apparently I had some skin disease when I was bornt and it's kinda rare, i mean, it's very rare. o.O Haha... yeah, and according to my dad, the doctors were like asking e trainees to look at me because not every doctor gets a chance to see my kinda condition. =S Hahaha... rare baby. Well, but i'm healthy now =)

Alright, so that's just me with the rare skin disease when I was bornt. So, I just really wonder what's up with my family? You see, I get this really rare skin disease, and now my maternal grandmother gets this never-seen-before cancer. (Why aren't we this lucky when buying 4D or toto?) You see, one of my uncles just called to talk to my mum. The first topic that came into my mind was "ah ma's cancer". Well, it's quite an easy guess, and it's correct. So, actually my grandmother had visited tan tock seng 2 times already, do find out what kinda cancer she's down with. The first time, the doctors didn't manage to find out, so they needed more sample. Some grumbles from our side, but then again, we're not experts in this faculty, can't really say much. So, they went for a second time, and we waited for the results. That's why my uncle called. They are still unable to find out what kind of cancer my grandmother's under. So my mum suggested in the phone to ask for the medical reports from this "lousy hospital" and visit general hospital to try our luck again. And the thing is that, according to the doctor whom my uncle had spoken to, more than one doctor's looking into this case, and more than one hospital is investigating. My uncle had been told that more than 10 doctors from the different hospitals in Singapore had sat down together to discuss this matter, and that they had never came accross this cancer before.

So the concern now is that we're asked to let them try a third time and the possible consequences that it'll lead to. I guess the first concern will be the welfare of my grandmother. You know old people are usually passive about operations and check-ups, moreover, to endure the pain for a third time! What's more, for 2 times, they had been unable to find the root of the problem, so are they able to find that out this time round? The doctors had actually admitted that there is no guarantee that they'll find it out this time. So, it's kinda unfair. And i doubt she'll want to go for a third time. But I think it's really up to her.

The second concern, will most probably be the financial part. We're not rich; even though there are 9 siblings to share the burden, each family does not have that much of a surplus to subsidise they're no-guarantee investigations. But I really wonder, when my mum told me about what went on through e phone, if they can pay for all these investigations, or at least subsidise us because it does not only benefit us. But well, it's back to the first concern, the danger that my grandmother faces if she goes through it the third time (though I don't really know what danger it poses) and her fear.

Sigh... It's kinda problematic now.

It's my dad's birthday today. We had planned to eat out. But in the end, they bought food home. It's partly our fault larz, my bro and I. :P Well, I slept after reading econs for a short while, slept for more than 2 hours. And my bro fell asleep after dota too. Haha... so we end up eating at home. But well, I guess to him, as long as we're together, it doesn't really matter. =)

It's dancing tomorrow, and gathering the day after tomorrow. =) YAY!

FAMILY :D

Kinia's coming back!! :D It's been such a long time since we've last seen her. She messaged us yesterday. Kah Yin (aka piggy) first received e message. But she didn't receive e first part of e message, so it didn't sound right.. Haha.. I checked my phone some time later and found out tt she messaged me too, and i got the full message :D. So we got to find out that she's in indo now, and she'll be coming to singapore!! With Kinia coming back, it'll mean that we'll be having a clique gathering in gwc! YAY!!! It's hard to find time for everyone, but with such a rare friend coming back to visit us, we HAVE to make ourselves free. :) Even if it means i have to skip dance for it. Hahaha.. kidding. Think i'll be going for the friday lesson bah.

Had been seriously attempting to study recently (not today) and i can't say that it's been successful, but at least i'm improving. I've a lot of things to learn for econs, a lot of things to practise for math, a lot of things that i should know for GP, and a lot of things to memorise for chinese. yeah.. that's pretty much it, if i exclude all the drawing practices that I have to engage myself in occasionally so that I might have the hope of getting into that course, and all the dance practices I have (though I've just went last sat after 3 weeks of absence).

Came online, saw that he's online. After activating windows media player, he's gone. Well... fate. Haha... Leopold Stokowski rocks! Hahaha.. THat's so random. :P

Just found out today that Eileen had been kinda scared of me before i started to really talk with her and xiao wei this year. She told me that even during e chinese new year period, she had been a bit scared. Her reasons being that the look i give her makes her think that I don't like her, and of course, the intimidating aura I give off when i'm not smiling. Ha! What can i say... she's not the first one to point that out to me. But i'll look silly if i smile all the time right? Well.. heck it.

Just 75 days to A levels. I regret that i didn't manage to pluck up courage to retain voluntarily. SIgh...

bwahahaha...

Why the math teacher cried

That's the title of an email i received from my friend. But when i opened it, I laughed like mad... HAHAHA... i guess the teacher laughed too hard and tears came out. HAHAHAHAHAHA... and i'm here to post that email here so that I won't be clogging up some other ppl's inbox.

E X P A N D

Images

Eh.. not exactly a blogging day. :D juz came to post some pictures. Erm. actually, i just got this pictures from fred. And they are pictures i drew while chatting with him on msn. :D Erm.. I drew them with the mouse, so please forgive me for the wibbly-wobbly lines, and the horrible proportions.

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I do remember this cat. Kind of. Haha... I love drawing cats... there's my usual miaow miaow, but this is a different cat. Inspired by that little black cat I used to hang on my phone, and which i lost in school. The black cat, i mean. :(

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oh ho ho.. i do remember this little girl. Don't know why. Haha.. he sent me this some time ago actually, but he has forgotten about it, and sent me again today. But i didn't forget, so i rejected. Hahaha..

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This one i don't have impression. Actually, when fred sent me this, I was kinda surprised, like "You mean I drew this?!" Hahaha.. I find it quite nice eh. Plus point: I drew it with a mouse!

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Erm.. this is kinda my usual drawings on msn bah. I always draw the side views on msn. Have no idea why i can actually draw a better sideview with a mouse than with a pencil/pen. *raise eyebrows* Erm... don't have impression coz I always draw this. Haha..

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Now that I've presented some of my drawings to you, would you mind commenting? Come on, i know you won't mind that right.. :D

无声的对话

。。。无声的对话。。。

这五个字来自昨天傍晚，我在地铁列车上所碰到的两位聋哑人士。

看见他们俩之间的“对话”，

突然就出现了这五个字。

同时，脑子里也出现了两个人的画面。

他们相互看着对方，

进行无声的对话。

不记得画面的细节，

只知道它带点伤感。

。。。 。。。 。。。 。。。

第一篇，换来的是一句话。

第二篇，换来的是两个字。

第三篇，换来的是。。。

毫无回应。

这默默的冷淡，

让我肯定了一切的猜测。

虽然有时候，总希望我能提起勇气，告诉他所有的事情，但是，我知道就算是以后再也没机会见面了，我也不敢开口的。常听到一些故事中的主角，暗恋的对象其实也暗恋着主角。只因为主角始终未开口，所以他也没主动。这凄美的情节，毕竟只存在于故事中。他不可能跟我经历同一种痛苦，对他的爱慕，不可能会回来的。为什么？看他看见我是地反应，听他跟我说话的感觉，读他回我的简讯，电邮，所表现出的漠不关心。。。　一切的一切，都在叫我放弃。要就此松手，并非易事。当中的艰辛，痛苦，与泪水，足以让你断肠。

Thank you!

A big

Thank You

to all who bothered to respond

Ermm.. It's kinda funny to say this. Told zek tt e favourite is orange and he suggested we submit everything. -_-" haha.. but nvm. At least i get to know the public's taste

:)

Feel that i'm obliged to inform you people about this competition, though i doubt that you all will read this entry. Haha.. it's actually organised by "The New Paper", and I think it's for BeYourselfDay. *raise eyebrows?* Haha... Yeah. If i win, I'll get a canon camera. But I doubt i'll win. :/ Nevertheless, I still have to thank all those who had helped. Sincere.

Besides this TNP BeYourselfDay competition, I might also be submitting my drawings for Noise Singapore. :) Once again, I doubt I'll get anything much. Doubt my pieces will be chosen, but it's still a learning experience. Yep. But if they were to be selected, I guess I'll be more encouraged and motivated to study coz i'll be more determined to get into NTU. Haha.. what an excuse. But that doesn't help me get selected does it... Sigh...

Well, so just wish me luck. :)

GOOD LUCK!!

I helped you ppl say le. :P So bhb right.. Hahaha...

And Gerald saw my new hairstyle for the first time today. :/ He said i look like ying tao xiao wan zi. o.O Heh............ Some more is e black version of xiao wan zi lorz.. -_-" And he actually thought that the back of everyone's head is flat... Luckily JJ corrected him. Hahaha...

Illustrations

Hey people, I have some drawings here that need comments urgently. Please tell me which one is nicer. Preferrably provide your reasons too. Juz tag at e board your comments. Thank you! Oh and i need it urgently for a competition. So, that's how urgent it is.

Yup, just tell me green, blue or orange. Thanks!

Regarding academics

Hmm... due to the fact that our whole class is weak in first ODE, we had to do worksheets on it. So, we did. And my momentum was broken since that one friday when i skipped school due to stress? depression? Whatever. So, Miss Chua gave me a hard time, telling me off, nagging and all. I know that she's just concerned, but she had put it in such a way that i'm this cocky girl who thinks that her 1st ODE is so great that I don't have to do these worksheets, when in fact, I'm just plain lazy. But one thing she mentioned is kinda true, she had said that from the answers i gave in the worksheets, she could see my attitude towards it. And you might ask, why did i say that it's kinda true? Well, because right after i got told off, I did worksheets 5 to 9 (when all others are already at 10 and above =P). Erm.. that's not the point. The point is, before she scolded me, my worksheets came back with lotsa circles and crosses. Worksheet 4 came back ending with a "Poor!". And what happened to worksheets 5 to 9? I only made one mistake, one careless mistake where i forgot to write the minus sign. Hahaha.. guess her method worked on me. But I guess that only works for math. =P

Generally, I'm still lazy.

As for economics, sigh.. By saying that I spend minimal time reading up on econs, it is an understatement. Yep! It's that bad. I've been trying to read the policies. I've completed monetary policy, moved on to fiscal. Please don't "wow" me because i've only read through. Mind you, let me emphasise again, it's READ THROUGH. Since reading through does not equate to studying, I haven't studied a bit! Oh no!! Yeah.. not that I'm not aware that there's only like 90 days left? It's just that i can't bring myself to work.

BUT

I've made the first step to improve my grades. I joined the tuesday's REAP. And guess what, I'm under Mr. Chu!! YAY!!! I bet he's strict enough to make me improve by at least one grade. Which means, I can pass econs for prelim 2!! HOORAY!! But of course, I'm hungry for more than just an E grade. Something he said really made me feel "YEAH! that's the way!!". He said, if you're not going to do the assignment, never mind, you'll just be kicked out of this programme and you won't have a chance to come back! That totally will make me do my work because it's really a rare chance to be taught by him. Although Tuesday's REAP is not as great as monday's, it's better than nothing. =)

Chinese? Hmm... It's still quite fine now. Not scoring, but passing. Well.. Effort required to score!

All in all, this is a reflection entry to make me realise how far I am from my ultimate goal. Because besides all these academics matters, I still gotta brush up my drawing skills, polish my brainstorming power, boost my creativity juice, and whatever's required to get into ADM. Joining competitions is one of the many ways. But it can boost your confidence level if you win, and make you feel so inferior if you don't win.

Whatever!

Erm.. Guess for those people who were in econs class yesterday, this isn't a piece of news. Yesterday was a horrid-day. It triggered off some emotions I thought were well-kept inside me, and caused me to drop some tears.

Well, the world is unfair.

Was late yesterday. From my previous experience, i know that if i walk in quietly, the security guard won't even notice. But I was so darn unlucky yesterday that this girl named... let's call her "D" walked behind me. She sped up and walked quickly past me. It's alright you know, not that I hate her for being faster. It's just that she was stomping SO DAMN LOUDLY that the security guard noticed her AND ME. And guess what did the "nice" D do? THAT LOSER RAN AWAY!! So the security guard stopped me, and guess what.. right when she was writing down my details and talking to me. I was being SACRIFICED by the rest of the latecomers who were later than me!! THIS BUNCH OF LOSERS JUST WALKED THROUGH WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HOW THE GIRL WHO SACRIFICED FELT!! Talk about men being heartless creatures.

Well, but it's all over. I stayed back for SSS alone. But i saw some friends there, who stayed back to study. So i wasn't that lonely, though i sat alone. By that time, i've already given in to fate. Just that i saw D during lunch and it totally pissed me off. And just FYI, D's not really popular in school. She might be kinda famous, but she's not well-liked.

Gossips from mel, yuan and me was shared during PCCG today. Gossips about B, you won't know who. Haha.. B's a scary person. Eeww.. Once again, Jo and Simin didn't come, though i heard from mel that they alighted with her. They already reached the schoolgate, but were late.. Sigh...

Had a haircut today. Fringe's sloping down. It's kinda bobbed coz the hairstylist said tt i need bobbed to make my face look wider. I have a long face, you see.. Well..

I wanna get new pairs of contact lense because some clothes don't match my specs. yeah... Hopefully I can ask for some money from my mama, and buy e contact lense on Saturday. =)

awaken

梦醒了，就不该留恋。

是时候面对事实了。

仿佛刚做了一个美梦。

但已醒了。

很想继续呆在那梦境里，

但我知道不该留恋。

毕竟，那也不过是一场梦。

忘了吧！

其实我并不很难过。

我庆幸我喜欢上他，

因为他是如此的好，

如此的不一般。

但这也只是单恋，

没结果的单恋，

曾经很痛苦的单恋，

偶尔难过的单恋。

快过去了。

美梦过后的噩梦，

很快就会过去的。

只要我这么想，

它就会过得快点吧！

至少，

我曾经做过那么一场美丽的梦。

to update...

ermm.. to update,

not that nothing has happened, especially between the 2 of us. you know. Things had happened, just that I don't think i can talk abt it here. Some good things happened, but in general, the conclusion i got from all these good things is bad. o.O Haha.. too bad then. If you know what i'm talking about, good for ya! If you don't, then forget it :D

Ermm.. what happened recently arh? Ermm.. OH! I finally got my sketchbook scanned. I mean, My friend helped me scanned. So actually i don't really know how much he had scanned. That zek larz. Bugged me from monday to thursday for my book, not forgetting that he bugged me to join competitions too, so that he can take my prize away if i ever win that canon digital camera. xD Ok larz, i know that he's just trying to help. So, well..

Anyway, during the days without my sketchbook, i had no where to kill my boredom. So i ended up drawing on the cover page of my econs notes. :X hahaha.. deco arh. Then i found this nice webby that serves as a platform for young budding artists to gain some exposure. Whichever way you put it. I know you know what i'm trying to say. You know i know you know right? Yeah, i know you know i know you know what i'm saying. xD hahaha.. ok let's end this madness here.

Next, Sunday's studying session. Hmm.. OH! I went to this jap restaurant for brunch with my family. Not bad arh. Then e usual great world lorz. Reach there around 1 pm and I saw Justin again. But i doubt he saw me. Yep. And Junie finally can join us to study, coz her drama ended le. hahaha...

Lotsa mosquito bites, so irritating!

Homework's piling higher as i continue to be ignorant. The amount of things that i need to catch up with are expanding. Oh no! All because i'm lazy. OH! I got back my result slip, and the remarks part is kinda HAHAHA...

Here's what it says:

Si-Min is a bright and fast learner. She requires minimum supervision in learning and has the ability to achieve excellent results. She has to be more committed to reaching her target in her studies. Si-Min gets along well with her peers.

Yep. Bright and fast learner.. wow. xD The good things that she's mentioned, in my opinion, are just her opinion of me. Coz she's my math tutor, and math is supposedly my stronger subject. :P Though i only managed a borderline E this time round. eeks..

Erm.. shhh.. dun tell ppl. I skipped math for e 6th consecutive time today! xD shhh!! hahaha.. of course i wasn't e only one who skipped. Ming Yuan and Jo skipped to do GP, I skipped because i'm a bad student. :D and of course, i saw e usual ponner, zek, and his friend. hahaha.. very sian what, can't help it. *shrugs*

So i stayed in the library, looking at a nice view while trying hard to memorise some chinese stuff. After a while, zek walked past, saw what i was doing, and left. Then, swee sien came up too, but i just acted as though i didn't see him. Well, i always do that, to everyone i mean. Find it kinda awkward to say hi and --silence--. If you get what i mean. *wink* But swee sien, unlike the dao kia (me), walked to me eventually and said hi. So i offered him maltesers. Hahaha.. Eh, he came quite a few times, so i don't know when was it that he saw what i was doing, and said, "eee.. chinese" and left. Hahaha.. why is it tt all of them are so terrified of chinese? Zek didn't say anything and left, and swee sien left me with the "eee.. chinese". Hahaha.. but it was kinda funny arh.

What else happened? Erm. If you're interested in what happened between us, you can approach me, and see if i wanna tell :D

他再次让我爱上他。但这一次，我会小心不再陷得太深的。

A cute family

While at GWC macs today with piggy, a family with 2 young boys were sitting directly opposite me. I noticed them because of the way their daddy talked to them. He's like having fun teasing them, playing with them and all. They looked so happy together. Then the mother came, looking all pretty and modern. :D They started eating and the 2 boys were having fun laughing at funny things, playing, eating ice cream. Hahaha.. they're a lovable family.

Then, the older boy went to sit at the baby chair beside me. Then the dad was laughing, "later you get stuck, cannot come out arh!" Hahaha.. i wanted to laugh along, but paiseh. hahaha... He ran back to his seat to eat, and after a while, went to sit at the baby chair again, with his legs hanging outside because it's not meant for him. :D After some time, his younger bro came to join in. Hahahaha.. and you konw there's this buckle on the seat right, the 2 of them actually buckled themselves. And the elder brother couldn't unbuckle. He was sitting right beside me. So i helped him unbuckle while laughing. Then you know kids, he ran back to his seat after he's unbuckled to the baby chair, and he said, "I'm free" to his parents. Hahaha...

Surprisingly the younger one can unbuckle, but after he buckled himself again, he couldn't unbuckle it. Hahaha.. hilarious kids. I thought he could unbuckle, so i didn't help him. Anyway he's a bit far. So in the end his mother came to unbuckle. Hahahaha.. So he went back to his seat too, which is just a table away from me. He sat back-facing me, but after a while, he turned back to look at me. So i stared at him too. Then he looked so cheeky that it tickles. So i started smiling, and he smiled too. Hahaha.. SO CUTE ARH!! anyway, both of the boys are adorable. They are blessed with good features, esp the younger one. :D They're blessed with a good family too! Then his father teased him for looking at girls.

Hahaha.. I love that family. It's very rare that i actually don't mind a family make some noise in gwc macs. :D They really are a bunch of lovable ppl. :D

I want my future family to be like them too!! Maybe i'll marry tt little boy nx time. HAHAHA.. bad joke. eeks.. eww.. but well, he really is adorable.

Oh, and i bought new stabilo markers today. =) so happy! Though i spend like 12 bucks on them. :D 3 markers(i love the complementary colours) and 10 felt pens. What more can i ask. I'll be having more colourful days from now on. :D GREAT!! I find that i always buy markers with matching colours. :D Whereas kah yin buys random colours.

童年

踏进家里，不知道为什么，

突然想起童年时的一件事。

想起来，还蛮好笑的。

想起的，是我爸妈房间的衣橱。

不知什么时候开始，

我每晚在听到爸爸开门的声音时，

变为躲进那衣橱里，

等待爸爸进房间的那一刻。

那应该算是小孩子的天真无邪吧！

我每晚都会那样的躲在那里。

有时候爸爸回假装被吓到，

又有些时候会反过来吓我。

想想，我这个女儿

应该很令他失望吧。

I wonder why my tears roll down so easily these few days. Today, there has been about 5 times when i nearly drop some teardrops. For that last sentence up there, my tears finally dropped. I wonder why i cry... don't worry, i'm quite sure it's not because he treats me as a friend only. For some moments, i thought about my grandmother. She has lymphatic cancer, whatever that is. Perhaps i'll go search on that later on. Anyway, it's kinda serious. When i first got to know about it, I didn't really think about it. But right now, it seems like i'm starting to register this piece of information. "Death is just a part of life" was another quote that i saw.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

-Alfred Tennyson-

The Truth

今天，

我看清了事实。

终于能够说我确定

他只把我当朋友。

他看见我的反应，

跟他看见朋友的反应，

是一样的。

唉~ 现实是如此之残酷，

但我们只能接受那残酷的现实。

消失吧！

那讨厌的感觉，

赶快消失吧！

消失吧！

Went searching for quotes today due to the fact that an acquaintance of mine just experienced loss of a life very dear to her. And I saw this quote about life, it's something like this...

Three words i've learnt about life : It goes on.

Pirates!!

Just had my oral examinations this afternoon. It was kinda horrible. I don't know the specific terms required in order to ace my oral conversation section. *dead* I have to say that this year's harder than last year's. Last year's was a total chicken feet. This time round, I can't be sure of getting a distinction for oral. Most probably, it'll just be a merit. Sigh...

BUT!! I watched Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest in the evening. Hmm... I watched alone and laughed like mad all through the movie. Hahahaha... Damn hilarious! It's violently ticklish. If you're afraid to die of laughter, i suggest you give it a pass. *wink* Oh, but the lady beside me laughed even louder with her kids, so i guess my laughter was not being heard. :D Oh, do watch it! Do watch it! But the ending's erm... hahahaha... go watch it!!!

I forgot to ask the librarian if they've seen a black sweater in the library today. Hopefully i'll remember to ask tomorrow morning =X Hahaha... Tuesday's a going to school for econs, civics, and PE day. Econs's necessary, civics's redundant, PE'll be better in the morning. Well, at least i'll have 2 and 1/2 hours to sleep first thing in the morning, or to wake myself up for econs lecture. Whichever. xD

Realised that chicken soup's not bad. I read the chinese ones, a few of them, while waiting for my turn (oral exams). =) Shall borrow them one day. One day.. which i don't know when. Hahaha...

Stop thinking... STOP THINKING YOU HEAR ME?! Well, guess i can't hear myself. *shrugs*

Gone through a very depressing period of time that lasted 2 days. Oh, don't worry, nothing to do with him, if that's what you're guessing. I guess i was just kinda stressed and fed up. I'm sick of myself. Sigh... Just can't seem to change the way i live my life fast enough. I'm still so lazy. Gonna die real bad for prelims, and 'A's. Sigh sigh sigh... Unless, miraculously i start working harder than ever.

There's no freedom of exit in love

My butt hurts. =X What a beginning to a new blog entry. hahaha... why does my butt hurt? Well, i slipped while playing netball yesterday coz it started raining. Hahaha... quite funny arh. Actually, yesterday's game wasn't tt great. I wasn't really in the mood to play in the first place, so didn't really participate. But i found the whole game kinda funny. I was like laughing all the way. Hahaha.. oh ya, I fell, and only just now, i remembered the last time when ming yuan fell in pe. Her fall was so cartoon! She fell flat on her front. Hahaha.. as for me, i slipped and fell on my right.

As for exams, I got 48 for GP, a B/C grade for CL A, an E grade for math, and an F for econs. There's really a whole lot of things that i need to do. How am i gonna achieve my ABC for prelim 2? eeks... for math, 4 grades to jump to an A! But i know it's possible as long as i practise enough. Econs is the one i'm worried about. But on a bright side, I see improvements =) I need to work on essay writing and case studies. But before i do that, i need to know the contents first, which is why i had been failing econs. Haha.. i hadn't been studying. Jia you bah!

还是发现，我总是会想起他。朋友跟我说话时，我心里想的是他。没有课上时，满脑子想的也是他。好无奈，但又如何？他可以像电池一样，为我充电，却又可以把我的灵魂夺去，是我无精打采。

朋友跟我说了一些事，让我吓了一大跳。该收敛，该收敛。但是，话又说回来，我又没做什么。又不是我做什么，是他做什么。管我什么事啊！哼！不管了！我早就不该管了！

Love is never at a state of perfect competition because there is no "free exit". In other words, there are barriers to exit. Haha..

No medicine to cure me >.<

无可救药，我仍然会等待一点点的光芒出现。就算明知火苗已不会在燃起，但我仍会不知不觉地，像个笨蛋似的，等待那一点点的光芒。

也许有人会说，我这样子只是在保持乐观的态度，不是什么坏事。但是，事情是这样子的。。。 我几乎能够很确定的说，我对他而言，只是个朋友。因此，再怎么坚持，再怎么等待，也是没用的。最后只会让我成为世界上的其中一个为爱而成为笨蛋的人。

被雨淋了大概十分钟吧！

从开始在雨中赶路的那一刻，

心里便奢望他的到来，他的帮忙。

奢望。。。

都说了，是奢望啊。

当然，最后，

就如命运中的安排一样，

他并没有出现在我眼前。

命运，是想劝我放弃吧。

因为他不会是那个

陪在我身边，不让我受伤，不让我难过，

永远都会逗我开心的人。

他不会是的。

不会的。

奇怪了，今天怎么突然又多愁善感了？

或许是因为今天是雨天吧。

或许是因为我一大早

便孤零零的淋着大雨走到学校吧。

或许是因为我一整天都想着他吧。

又或许，

是我无药可救了吧。

*grin* hee hee... ^^

Today's generally a happy day ^^

It started off with the beginning of tricking simin into believing that i forgot all about her birthday and only made a birthday card for mel. It worked off quite well in the end with mel's assistance. xD But well, i guess this kinda little jokes are sweet =) And i did spend a whole lot of time cutting colour papers into teeny weeny bits of colour papers, and spend even more time sticking them on the card. So well, can't say i did a perfect job, and i can't say that it's creative. But well, at least it shows how much i care about them. =) So much that i only bothered to make cards for them. Haha...

Eh... Mr. Chu's lecture today was kinda funny. He was saying that he doesn't bother about scolding us anymore, neither does he care about making sarcastic comments. But well, he had been sarcastic through e whole lecture. xD Oh, but several of us found some of his sarcastic jokes kinda funny. Well, it's like this. Some students gave lame excuses that they devoted their june hols to preparation for competitions and stuff like that. So he said sth like "If you wanna give also don't give such lame excuses lar. You should give a better reason like 'Oh, I've sprained my brain during e hols, that's why i couldn't think properly during e papers.' "

Oh i love that "sprained your brain" xD. It's funny! Though not everyone thinks the same way. Well at least some of us found it funny. Hmm... Perhaps i like it because it rhymes!! xD hahaha... Perhaps you might like to use that excuse the next time you did badly for exams =X

Oh that stupid jason~! Hmph!!! We measured height and weight today for PE, and.. and.. and.. i didn't grow at all, still stuck at 169 =(. And that stupid jason asked me, "you're still 169 arh?" *pouts* and after he measured, he came and told me that he's 171!!! WHAAA!! not fair. I wanna grow taller too. 3 cm.. juz bless me with 3 cm. The rest of e PE was torturing arh. NAPFA's long over and we actually had to run 4 rounds (guys muz run 6 rounds). Then we did 30 push-ups and 15 sit-ups. Eeks... To think that i had been looking forward to PE all this while. But next week onwards it's games!! ^^ hooray!! Sadly, we only have 3 more weeks of PE. Damn sad arh... I want PE!! Oh.. i gained weight, or rather stayed around my weight. I'm now 59.1 kg. Sigh.... SIGH..... I better not cross over to the 60 calibre because i know that i won't be able to get back to e 50 calibre. (i have to confess that i've been eating a lot recently :P)

Perhaps it's because i find it kinda clear that i can't expect much from him, such that ELT he does makes me kinda happy already. And yes, he is part of e reason why i'm happy today. It might not be the major part, coz i think the major part lies with myself, but it just adds on to the grin, making it wider. =)

super friday!!

Super Duper!!

Whoo~ I'm gonna love love LOVE friday!!

Am so glad to see Smallville and Charmed back, and at the same time! On the same day!! That adds on to the Whooo-ness. :D Friday's gonna be tv day from now on :) Super friday's cool! yeah!

Oops.. i'm getting a little high ain't i. Haha.. can't help it. I just love them :) But that will also mean that if i had something on and can't go for dance lessons on saturday, i gotta miss theses nice shows and attend lessons on friday night :( Unless, I'm gonna be a lazy bum and juz skip dance :) Hahaha..

And next friday, there's one more show adding on to the friday night Whoooo~'s, Ghost Whisperer!! It seems nice :) Yay!

Wonder how am i gonna concentrate on my studies. Wonder how i'm gonna get my ABC for 'A's, :X

award-winning film spree

While everyone's busy mugging up for prelim 1, or block tests, guess what i was doing. Yeah.. i tried to do the same, but i just can't do it. So, in the end, besides the usual playing, I went to borrow vcds from the library. I went on an "award-winning films" spree!! :D But I've only reached the second one. Gonna talk abt the movies today.

The first one i watched was a russian film called "The return". 2 brothers were living with their mother and grandmother. One day, their father returned, suddenly. According to him, he came back because his wife told him that he should. He brought his sons on a trip. They were supposed to head for this waterfall, but they end up everywhere else. :P For what reasons, i have no idea! The elder son accepted the man as his father immediately, but not the younger one. The young one felt that their father didn't love them at all, and that he might even be killing them. Well, as an audience, while watching, I thought that he didn't love them too.

Their final destination ended up to be an island (where there's no waterfall to be seen at all. o.O) and the 2 boys had asked to go fishing on the boat, so the father handed the elder son his watch and told him to return at 3. In the end, the young one requested to stay out longer, and the elder brother agreed, though he was reluctant at the beginning. In the end, they returned at 7. Imagine how the father was like. >.<>

The young one couldn't stand it anymore and after doing some shouting at his father, he ran off. Guess the father was worried, so he followed the young one, running after him. The young one climbed up the tower and shut the top entrance so that his father won't be able to get to him. He then threatened that if his father was not going away, he will jump down. He's actually afraid of heights, so can you imagine how distressed he was? Anyway, he really climbed to the top and was seriously thinking of jumping. Suddenly, a pair of hands appeared on one of the wood surrounding the top of the tower, it was his father. Out of desperation, he had climbed from the outside. Out of love, he wanted to save his son. The wood was loose, and so he fell all the way down. He died.

Not gonna continue the story, just that when he died, i was stunned. Eh.. probably i didn't expect that to happen. It's so sudden! and i was totally like "huh?". Oh anyway, i don't really understand what the director's getting at. He mentioned somethings in the movie, but didn't continue to reveal them. Like the waterfall.

Next movie that i watched today, is "Whale Rider".

'One girl dared to confront the past, change the present and determine the future.'

"In a small New Zealand coastal village, Maori claim descent from Paikea, the Whale Rider. In every generation, a male heir has succeeded to the chiefly title. The time is now. When the twins are born, and the baby boy dies. Grief-stricken, the father leaves the surviving baby girl to be raised by her grandparents. The chief, Koro, also the girl's grandfather, is convinced that the tribe's misfortunes began at Pai's birth and refused to acknowledge Pai as the inheritor of the tradition and claims she is of no use to him. Pai loves Koro more than anyone in the world, but she must fight him and a thousand years of tradition to fulfill her destiny."

Well, firstly, i have to say that this movie made me shed a whole bucketful of tears. I'm amazed by how the girl doesn't even need to say her feelings out and i'll feel sad for her. I cried more than she did in the show. Haha.. This one is really worth watching! DO WATCH IT!! :)

Of course, it has a happy ending! I thought that she was going to die, but she didn't!! :D she survived but ended up in the hospital. That scene, made me feel relieved. Because Koro was sitting by Pai, who was unconscious. Around her neck, was the whale's tooth, only to be worn by the chief. Koro has finally acknowledged her. Why? What happened? Hahah... go watch it then :) Juz kidding. One night, the whales were found on the shore. If they don't leave, they will die. Koro and co. chanted and tried to push the leader of the whales into the waters so that the rest will follow. But while they were trying to do that, the whale slammed its tail hard on the ground, refusing to be moved. The rope broke. Everyone left, thinking that they should take a little rest and come back later to try again.

Koro had disallowed Pai to touch the whale when she approached it. She left the group and stood somewhere further, looking at the scene. Now that everyone has left, she went back to that whale, and touched it, greeted it. She then climbed on top of it, and tried to talk the whale into going back to the waters. She kicked it lightly while doing so, patting and stroking it's skin. The whale actually did attempt to propel itself back to the sea. By the time the group was back, the whale was gone. They thought that it had died, and they cried. In the end, they saw her sitting on the surface of the sea. She was riding the whale. She was the whale rider. Koro looked at her with a worried look, so did everyone else. She spoke softly, telling Koro that it's ok, but Koro couldn't hear her of course. She followed the whale until the whale dived deeper and deeper, and she could no longer hold her breath. While diving with the whale, there was this dialogue, "I wasn't afraid to die... "Finally she let go of the whale.

Bah.. whatever. It's really nice. It's a must-watch! It won a lot of awards too :)

mathematicising

Today, is the day before math paper 1.

Hmm.. and what have i been doing? eeps! >.<>

Only managed to borrow the missing notes that i need today. Rushed through, copying madly like a mad fred (oops.. ). Copied a lot of vectors.. actually... copied almost everything of vectors since that's e one that i need. as for differentiation.. hmm.. nothing much. Sigh.. this lazy friend didn't even bother to copy the things he missed from his friends, so i couldn't revise further curve sketching :( but i can't blame him coz i'm e one who lost the notes.. *cry* It's my own stupid fault, losing that book of notes. Notes!! come back to mama!!

Wonder what's wrong with me. A headache actually gone on from last night till noon today!! But i feel better now after sleeping for another 2 hours. Actually i could've spent more time reading through e impt parts of the notes that i didn't copy, but i kinda dread staying there, feel like going home... So in the end, i gave up reading through graphs and returned the notes. I need more time to go through all those stuff. :( Guess i really need to borrow and photocopy. Haiz.. Haiz..

Life's boring now. EXTREMELY boring... it's always attempting to study. Then getting so sad that i'm actually attempting to study. This doesn't really apply to math though.. For math, i'm sad that I actually can't go through one whole paper without looking at my notes or the solution booklet. *pouts* I'M A LOSER!!

But never mind, i shall jia you! jia you! jia yoU!

I realised that I don't think of him that much now. I still do, sometimes, but not that often anymore. I hope that this will go on. Forget him for good! :) wish me luck! This is gonna be a hard process...