I've been waiting.... for nothing.
I am still waiting, even though i know it's still nothing.
Once the nothing is something, I won't have to wait,
And once the nothing is no longer there, I will stop waiting.
I'm typing all these... for nothing.
In other words,
Because there is nothing, that's why I'm typing these.
Bwahahahaha!!! That's the madness of me for now. One day the line "I am waiting" came into my mind and it's supposed to be said in the irritated tone. yeah.. Last night 2 am, I was watching this jap movie abt ninjas, not bad, quite nice... and funny. haha..
你会陪我一起打雪仗吗？
Thursday, 30 November 2006
Wednesday, 29 November 2006
Friday, 24 November 2006
randomness from insomnia
It sure seems like now that we've graduated from jc and temporarily (or permanently) will not be experiencing life as a student (or undergraduate for that matter), there isn't much to blog about. Life's been losing its colour though I'm sure that once I stop this slacker way of life, the colours would be back. Hmm... it's kinda contradicting isn't it, that i'm actually blogging now about how I don't blog as often. Haha... I just felt like slotting in an entry.
Well, it's not that I don't feel anything recently... it's just that all the uncertainties, worries, fears, and whatsoevers are already part of my daily life, such that they are not so special anymore. Anyway, nothing special has been happening, regardless of how much I wish for it. Growing 3 cm overnight could have made my day, or week, or month... but this'll never come (naturally). Oh well, I guess I should give up that 3 cm.
Life's been kinda bad recently though I've gained freedom for quite some time already. Hmm... Of course, the not-so-good side of love has constantly been absorbing my happiness, but now, I seem to be getting minor headaches every now and then. Perhaps this has something to do with my unhealthy way of life, which I suppose GK would know. Haha... I've been sleeping late, or if you would prefer, very early. Hmm.. well, between 4 to 5 am, to be more precise. If that isn't weird enough, read on... I stay awake not because I have things to do.. not because I'm addicted to games or just can't detach myself from "Prince of Tennis" anime on YouTube.com. I can just sit on the sofa in the living room, staring into space, listening to silence... Occasionally, I'll look out of through the balcony, staring at the usually black road which now has an orange tint to it due to the lamps.
Through these crazy nights, I came to realise that it's not that easy to exactly "listen to silence" in my living room. When you're deep in thoughts, well.. fairly easy to drift to a different dimension, but when you're seriously drifting randomly from one thought to another, you can't help but gradually notice the clock ticking extremely loudly, and sometimes, the sounds of a car passing. Ha! For that matter, I'm glad to say that the roads in my area are quite quiet unless some crazy racers zoom pass. Well, they used to do that quite often, but come to think of it.. I don't remember hearing them recently. Hmm.. nice. :D
Headaches are horrible... they really make me feel sick. I will suspect if I'm having a fever, and will sometimes be disappointed to find that I do not have a fever. Haha.. weirdo. Headaches also make me feel like puking... urgh.. i hate this nauseous feeling. Why can't we fall ill without feeling nauseous? haha.. I kinda feel like falling ill recently. Eh.. As in I want to fall ill. But well, it seems like I am gonna fall ill if I go on with my way of life. Hmm.. oh well.
URGHH..
Well, it's not that I don't feel anything recently... it's just that all the uncertainties, worries, fears, and whatsoevers are already part of my daily life, such that they are not so special anymore. Anyway, nothing special has been happening, regardless of how much I wish for it. Growing 3 cm overnight could have made my day, or week, or month... but this'll never come (naturally). Oh well, I guess I should give up that 3 cm.
Life's been kinda bad recently though I've gained freedom for quite some time already. Hmm... Of course, the not-so-good side of love has constantly been absorbing my happiness, but now, I seem to be getting minor headaches every now and then. Perhaps this has something to do with my unhealthy way of life, which I suppose GK would know. Haha... I've been sleeping late, or if you would prefer, very early. Hmm.. well, between 4 to 5 am, to be more precise. If that isn't weird enough, read on... I stay awake not because I have things to do.. not because I'm addicted to games or just can't detach myself from "Prince of Tennis" anime on YouTube.com. I can just sit on the sofa in the living room, staring into space, listening to silence... Occasionally, I'll look out of through the balcony, staring at the usually black road which now has an orange tint to it due to the lamps.
Through these crazy nights, I came to realise that it's not that easy to exactly "listen to silence" in my living room. When you're deep in thoughts, well.. fairly easy to drift to a different dimension, but when you're seriously drifting randomly from one thought to another, you can't help but gradually notice the clock ticking extremely loudly, and sometimes, the sounds of a car passing. Ha! For that matter, I'm glad to say that the roads in my area are quite quiet unless some crazy racers zoom pass. Well, they used to do that quite often, but come to think of it.. I don't remember hearing them recently. Hmm.. nice. :D
Headaches are horrible... they really make me feel sick. I will suspect if I'm having a fever, and will sometimes be disappointed to find that I do not have a fever. Haha.. weirdo. Headaches also make me feel like puking... urgh.. i hate this nauseous feeling. Why can't we fall ill without feeling nauseous? haha.. I kinda feel like falling ill recently. Eh.. As in I want to fall ill. But well, it seems like I am gonna fall ill if I go on with my way of life. Hmm.. oh well.
URGHH..
Monday, 20 November 2006
Seriously...
嗯。。。认真的男人，真是帅！
哈哈。。。 请别介意我这突如其来的感叹。 男生认真起来的时候，真的很帅哦！即使他们本来普普通通，但认真做事情时，就是不一样。我想，当我们认真做事情时，会散发出某种魅力吧。不论男女，在这种时候都会特别吸引人。最近看到一个男生拉小提琴。。。优美的旋律，加上那男生认真，陶醉的样子，真的很吸引人！但它歇下乐器时，嗯。。。 是另一回事。哈哈。。。
最近又再次发现我真的很欣赏有才华的男生。比起那些空有外表的，我比较喜欢有才气的人。但是，如果性格不好，那又是另外一回事了。啊。。。开始复杂化了。
A sudden urge to venture into the world of english literature... only a little. Haha... Some time ago, I felt like reading a bit more about pride and prejudice, and I did... Then after watching In Her Shoes just now, I feel like buying a book of poems to read. Hmm... See, without exams and all the stress, it's a better learning environment! I'll be curious with a lot of things, it's natural! But, I usually will just have the ideas but not the actions. Haha.. so I guess school is still crucial in my life. :P
Surprisingly, the memories that came back weren't really about my jc life. I actually thought more about my time in crez dance, and of course... hee hee. I feel that jc life has shown me more about the ugly side of society, life, people in general, love, and of course me. I guess the reason why people look back to their school life is that it's less ugly then, and more carefree. As we grow older, we have a greater need to learn to enjoy life, to enjoy life even when you see more of the ugly side. That's a really great challenge, and perhaps that's why we share bonds with so many people... to lighten our load, to share the burden, to overcome the obstacles, and last of all to celebrate the victories together!
哈哈。。。 请别介意我这突如其来的感叹。 男生认真起来的时候，真的很帅哦！即使他们本来普普通通，但认真做事情时，就是不一样。我想，当我们认真做事情时，会散发出某种魅力吧。不论男女，在这种时候都会特别吸引人。最近看到一个男生拉小提琴。。。优美的旋律，加上那男生认真，陶醉的样子，真的很吸引人！但它歇下乐器时，嗯。。。 是另一回事。哈哈。。。
最近又再次发现我真的很欣赏有才华的男生。比起那些空有外表的，我比较喜欢有才气的人。但是，如果性格不好，那又是另外一回事了。啊。。。开始复杂化了。
A sudden urge to venture into the world of english literature... only a little. Haha... Some time ago, I felt like reading a bit more about pride and prejudice, and I did... Then after watching In Her Shoes just now, I feel like buying a book of poems to read. Hmm... See, without exams and all the stress, it's a better learning environment! I'll be curious with a lot of things, it's natural! But, I usually will just have the ideas but not the actions. Haha.. so I guess school is still crucial in my life. :P
Surprisingly, the memories that came back weren't really about my jc life. I actually thought more about my time in crez dance, and of course... hee hee. I feel that jc life has shown me more about the ugly side of society, life, people in general, love, and of course me. I guess the reason why people look back to their school life is that it's less ugly then, and more carefree. As we grow older, we have a greater need to learn to enjoy life, to enjoy life even when you see more of the ugly side. That's a really great challenge, and perhaps that's why we share bonds with so many people... to lighten our load, to share the burden, to overcome the obstacles, and last of all to celebrate the victories together!
Friday, 17 November 2006
yet another round
Somehow, I feel that it's not that I don't know why I'm sad, it's just that I don't wanna face it. One other thing, I really hate being tied down. Just leave me alone and give me some personal space! What's the point of forcing me to go with you all if I'm not gonna enjoy myself there? I'll just be ruining the atmosphere for all of you anyway. I juz feel like being left alone for a while...
This is getting emotional... how emotional? I wanted to write and/or draw in the room just now, and I asked my brother to leave the lights on. He wants to sleep, so he asked after I came out from the toilet if he can turn off the lights already. I told him my purpose of turning on the lights, but decided to off it anyway. I've made a good decision, coz he started to grunt a little that i'm gonna leave the lights on. Ya, so what's so emotional about it. After that, I walked into the toilet again, locked myself in and started crying. Sigh... I've found out why I'm so emotional anyway, it's the usual cycle... yeah, that. Sigh... like things aren't bad enough, I have to get emotional and make everything look worse.
I'm very much addicted to the song "Angels and Devils". The whole song sounds so sad, exactly how i felt some time ago... listened to it everywhere I go, pushing myself deeper inside, burying myself in the mount of sadness.
My will is shaking... should i? should i? I know there's nothing to lose anymore, now that it's all coming to an end... But the only way to let myself go is for me to let go. I need to let go, before I can be free... I want to just throw it all out, regardless of the outcome. I'm pessimistic about the outcome anyway, so how much worse can it get?
This is getting emotional... how emotional? I wanted to write and/or draw in the room just now, and I asked my brother to leave the lights on. He wants to sleep, so he asked after I came out from the toilet if he can turn off the lights already. I told him my purpose of turning on the lights, but decided to off it anyway. I've made a good decision, coz he started to grunt a little that i'm gonna leave the lights on. Ya, so what's so emotional about it. After that, I walked into the toilet again, locked myself in and started crying. Sigh... I've found out why I'm so emotional anyway, it's the usual cycle... yeah, that. Sigh... like things aren't bad enough, I have to get emotional and make everything look worse.
I'm very much addicted to the song "Angels and Devils". The whole song sounds so sad, exactly how i felt some time ago... listened to it everywhere I go, pushing myself deeper inside, burying myself in the mount of sadness.
My will is shaking... should i? should i? I know there's nothing to lose anymore, now that it's all coming to an end... But the only way to let myself go is for me to let go. I need to let go, before I can be free... I want to just throw it all out, regardless of the outcome. I'm pessimistic about the outcome anyway, so how much worse can it get?
Thursday, 16 November 2006
The sudden change in life
Once, life had been so easy... with nothing to worry about, and only one path to take. With no worries, we all went on the same journey... carefree...
As life went on, we gradually realise that life isn't that easy afterall. It is time for us to choose a path among several, if not may. All is unknown, the view ahead is pitchblack, but we have to make a choice, and move on with life... dealing with the unknown, walking in complete darkness.
Wednesday, 15 November 2006
over
Finally... oh finally.... *great big sigh* Finally, it's all over! 'A' Levels has officially ended for me!! Yay!! haha.... yay........ *sigh* It doesn't seem like a big change. It seems like my friends have bigger reactions to my situation than I have... They still have papers. But, I've been in this kinda mood since math had ended... Don't feel like studying anything at all.
Econs was a disaster, that's all I have to say. No hopes of passing anymore... I am officially dead. Do visit me at my grave, and remember to bring flowers... 15 November 2006 marks the downfall of xiaohei.
一切都结束了，但我心中却有种莫名的伤感。不知道为什么，虽然都考完了，却一点也兴奋不起来。回家的路上，竟有种带点悲伤的寂寞。就这样的，边沉浸在这伤感中，边思索着为何会如此。是因为他吗？是因为我以后都不能再见到他了吗？还是因为有种失去了方向的感觉呢？结果会如何？未来我会怎么样？以后的路该怎么走？啊~ 我想我知道为什么了。。。应该是因为，我不知道以后会怎么样吧。 无法预测未来会如何，因此感到害怕吗？
我想就是这样吧。 但我能肯定，部分的原因是他吧。最近，尝到了一点甜头，但这是先甜后苦吗？我深怕再次感到那样的脆弱，无助。。。我怕这一切都是虚幻的。 我又能怎样？这只是友谊吗？这只是友谊吧。 我们只不过成为了更好的朋友罢了。
I find that he has been quite a distraction. I should have pulled myself out before I totally fell inside the pit. It's not like I didn't realise that i'm falling.. I knew that I was gonna drop inside already, and I just allowed that to happen, knowing that i'll get nothing out of it! What am I? an idiot? Oh yes I am one!!
Sigh, now that i've reached the latest episode of "Prince of Tennis", I've no idea what other ways I have to entertain myself. Perhaps I should find another anime to watch... and start drawing again. Sigh.... I still have to build up my portfolio... Mr Lee wants us in school
Econs was a disaster, that's all I have to say. No hopes of passing anymore... I am officially dead. Do visit me at my grave, and remember to bring flowers... 15 November 2006 marks the downfall of xiaohei.
一切都结束了，但我心中却有种莫名的伤感。不知道为什么，虽然都考完了，却一点也兴奋不起来。回家的路上，竟有种带点悲伤的寂寞。就这样的，边沉浸在这伤感中，边思索着为何会如此。是因为他吗？是因为我以后都不能再见到他了吗？还是因为有种失去了方向的感觉呢？结果会如何？未来我会怎么样？以后的路该怎么走？啊~ 我想我知道为什么了。。。应该是因为，我不知道以后会怎么样吧。 无法预测未来会如何，因此感到害怕吗？
我想就是这样吧。 但我能肯定，部分的原因是他吧。最近，尝到了一点甜头，但这是先甜后苦吗？我深怕再次感到那样的脆弱，无助。。。我怕这一切都是虚幻的。 我又能怎样？这只是友谊吗？这只是友谊吧。 我们只不过成为了更好的朋友罢了。
I find that he has been quite a distraction. I should have pulled myself out before I totally fell inside the pit. It's not like I didn't realise that i'm falling.. I knew that I was gonna drop inside already, and I just allowed that to happen, knowing that i'll get nothing out of it! What am I? an idiot? Oh yes I am one!!
Sigh, now that i've reached the latest episode of "Prince of Tennis", I've no idea what other ways I have to entertain myself. Perhaps I should find another anime to watch... and start drawing again. Sigh.... I still have to build up my portfolio... Mr Lee wants us in school
Sunday, 12 November 2006
In the midst of my downfall
Well, still in the midst of 'A' Levels and I have this sudden urge to blog. Ok, fine... not really "urge".. I guess i'm just bored. Haha... Not like I have nothing to do. The stack of econs stuff had been moved by me nightly from the desk to the bed, so tt i can put my food on the desk while watching "Prince of Tennis" on YouTube, and from the bed to the desk when I'm gonna sleep. Hahaha... What a loser. YEAH! oh my... I haven't been studying!! AND THIS IS THE MOST SCARY SUBJECT THAT I AM TAKING!!
I guess it's because everything's coming to an end that i really have no mood to study at all. It's really weird coz I actually studied more for prelim 2 than for 'A's. Heh... well except chinese and Stats. >.< This time round, I read through some things on chinese, but paper 1 was horribly done. I also managed to remember that paper 2 includes prob and stats, and made notes the night before.. Erm.. like from ard 12 am to 3 am ++? hahaha... Sigh...
I
AM
SO
LAZY!!
That's my confession. And it's not very good for me to confess this so truthfully and whole-heartedly. Eeks! As for the other confession? Bah... forget it larz. Nothing to expect from it, except disappointment (even though I should know the outcome) and the I-knew-this-was-coming. Haha... Well, at least by that time, people would be done with their 'A's and I'll have friends to console me! BUT, that is if i seek consolation from them :P
Err.. let me see, to update my current situation on 'A's:
GP -- Not too good, not too bad. Seems the usual. Which means I might be able to pass, but no hopes of scoring. B would be a luxury already.
Chinese -- As i've said, paper 1's horrible!! Juz in case you think tt paper 1 is essay-writing, nah... paper 1 is essay-writing + language paper. Why are they so bad? I SLEPT!! SEVERAL TIMES!! Well, that taught me a lesson. From then on, I made sure I get enough sleep the night before the papers. (But chinese is the last paper with morning paper so it's fine to sleep late from then on :D)
Math 9233 -- Err.. Paper 1 is better than I thought, but not too good. I erm... kinda expected myself to be skipping a whole lot of qns coz i didn't finish revising. I did skip qns in the end, but not a lot larz. And lucky me, I didn't study vectors and numerical methods for paper 1. They didn't come out!! YEAH! Paper 2... as i said, was doing super last minute work on stats. And read numerical methods and vectors on e train trip to school. Super duper last minute work. Skipped a few qns in paper 2 too. Overall. IF, i say IF, this is like the ijc standard, there's hope of aceing. However, that is IF it's ijc standard. which means, not high hopes of aceing. eeks!
Econs -- Not taken yet, but I can start predicting already. I am dead. I am doomed. I am in deep sh*t. This is gonna be the downfall of this black creature here. Hahaha... Oh, how can i still laugh.
Failed attempt to go to City Hall and Tanglin Camp today coz I was too lazy to move my butt, and there was no one to go with. Well, one of the purpose to have someone to go with is to force me to move my butt. Hahaha... oh well. At least I went to City Hall once, all thanks to Chaky. If i failed my econs, it'll be his fault! haha.. juz kidding. I took some pictures with my phone, and regret not taking more. Well, the photographer's someone else. Sigh... and I'm not used to taking pictures all the time, juz forgot to take them lorz. :p Will put up the pictures i took the next time coz blogger's not letting me upload them -_-" haiz.. hopefully by then i can get the pictures from the photographer, then can post everything together :)
I guess it's because everything's coming to an end that i really have no mood to study at all. It's really weird coz I actually studied more for prelim 2 than for 'A's. Heh... well except chinese and Stats. >.< This time round, I read through some things on chinese, but paper 1 was horribly done. I also managed to remember that paper 2 includes prob and stats, and made notes the night before.. Erm.. like from ard 12 am to 3 am ++? hahaha... Sigh...
I
AM
SO
LAZY!!
That's my confession. And it's not very good for me to confess this so truthfully and whole-heartedly. Eeks! As for the other confession? Bah... forget it larz. Nothing to expect from it, except disappointment (even though I should know the outcome) and the I-knew-this-was-coming. Haha... Well, at least by that time, people would be done with their 'A's and I'll have friends to console me! BUT, that is if i seek consolation from them :P
Err.. let me see, to update my current situation on 'A's:
GP -- Not too good, not too bad. Seems the usual. Which means I might be able to pass, but no hopes of scoring. B would be a luxury already.
Chinese -- As i've said, paper 1's horrible!! Juz in case you think tt paper 1 is essay-writing, nah... paper 1 is essay-writing + language paper. Why are they so bad? I SLEPT!! SEVERAL TIMES!! Well, that taught me a lesson. From then on, I made sure I get enough sleep the night before the papers. (But chinese is the last paper with morning paper so it's fine to sleep late from then on :D)
Math 9233 -- Err.. Paper 1 is better than I thought, but not too good. I erm... kinda expected myself to be skipping a whole lot of qns coz i didn't finish revising. I did skip qns in the end, but not a lot larz. And lucky me, I didn't study vectors and numerical methods for paper 1. They didn't come out!! YEAH! Paper 2... as i said, was doing super last minute work on stats. And read numerical methods and vectors on e train trip to school. Super duper last minute work. Skipped a few qns in paper 2 too. Overall. IF, i say IF, this is like the ijc standard, there's hope of aceing. However, that is IF it's ijc standard. which means, not high hopes of aceing. eeks!
Econs -- Not taken yet, but I can start predicting already. I am dead. I am doomed. I am in deep sh*t. This is gonna be the downfall of this black creature here. Hahaha... Oh, how can i still laugh.
Failed attempt to go to City Hall and Tanglin Camp today coz I was too lazy to move my butt, and there was no one to go with. Well, one of the purpose to have someone to go with is to force me to move my butt. Hahaha... oh well. At least I went to City Hall once, all thanks to Chaky. If i failed my econs, it'll be his fault! haha.. juz kidding. I took some pictures with my phone, and regret not taking more. Well, the photographer's someone else. Sigh... and I'm not used to taking pictures all the time, juz forgot to take them lorz. :p Will put up the pictures i took the next time coz blogger's not letting me upload them -_-" haiz.. hopefully by then i can get the pictures from the photographer, then can post everything together :)
Saturday, 4 November 2006
today's crap
Look at what i've found in ELLE magazine (Oct 06), under ellehoroscope:
GEMINI
21 MAY - 21 JUN
An opportunity offered to you at the end of September seems to be a dream come true -- but you should wait for a few weeks, if possible, before you say yes. You need to find out more about it, and to assess what it will demand from you as well as its rewards. In mid-October you will get to see it in a very different light, which may make you glad you waited; but if you still think it's what you want, then go ahead.
HAHAHA.. hilarious! xD Well, this actually applies to several things that had happened, including the one that I guess you're thinking about now. Haha.. but whether I saw these things in a different light in mid-October or some other time, I can't be sure. Well you see, I don't really keep track of time, as most of you already know. hahaha.. yep.
That's all the crap for today. Unless you wanna know that I haven't been studying as usual. Oops.. haha.. That leaves me 2 days to touch on pure mathematics and a day for stats! no no...
GEMINI
21 MAY - 21 JUN
An opportunity offered to you at the end of September seems to be a dream come true -- but you should wait for a few weeks, if possible, before you say yes. You need to find out more about it, and to assess what it will demand from you as well as its rewards. In mid-October you will get to see it in a very different light, which may make you glad you waited; but if you still think it's what you want, then go ahead.
HAHAHA.. hilarious! xD Well, this actually applies to several things that had happened, including the one that I guess you're thinking about now. Haha.. but whether I saw these things in a different light in mid-October or some other time, I can't be sure. Well you see, I don't really keep track of time, as most of you already know. hahaha.. yep.
That's all the crap for today. Unless you wanna know that I haven't been studying as usual. Oops.. haha.. That leaves me 2 days to touch on pure mathematics and a day for stats! no no...
Thursday, 2 November 2006
New mad drawing
Here's my new drawing.. done when i'm supposed to be preparing for 'A's. Heh heh.. well, i started some time ago, and finishing it will make me feel more accomplished and less distracted (somehow), so I decided to finish it! hahaha.. If i'm right, it was done by early halloween :) Slept late to finish it.
Well, erm.. first, tell me what you think i'm drawing by looking at the 'big picture' up there. :) Thanks. I wanna see how others interpret my drawing. At the end of this entry, I'll be revealing what i'm actually drawing.. It's nothing too deep, by the way.
Well, I hope you've enjoyed these photos :) judging by how clear the pictures are, i guess you know that I didn't use my phone to take it. Haha.. I used my bro's camera secretly.. SHHH... Hahaha.. like it matters.
So now, to reveal the answer. What i'm drawing.. or rather, my inspiration is actually a plant. So, I'm kinda like drawing a growing seed. Haha.. out of the 6 ppl i've asked so far, 3 realised that it's a plant (though one knew it from me some time earlier, before i completed this piece. haha..) 4 others thought that it's sth to do with love, coz of the heart-shaped like thingy. Mel was quite funny, she thought tt i'm trying to say tt the love is running away. HAHAHA.. but well, i have to agree that when i drew the roots, i thought they look like legs, and i might've purposedly positioned them there. xD Fred thought that it's a plant, but with a deeper meaning (related to love again). He thinks that I'm trying to say sth like the love is growing. Hmm... But well, i was just drawing a growing seed.. that came to my mind as a random idea :P
Next, GOOD NEWS!! erm.. Well, one of it is good larz. xD
Peeps! Please visit marina square between 9 to 12 november. Noise festival will be launched 6.30 pm at 9 nov there. My artwork would be displayed too :) And yeah, i'll be paying my artwork a visit, and of course its neighbours *wink* Muz go arh.. Muz arh!! I'll camp there and you better show your face i tell ya! hahaha...
The good news is, the person in noise singapore called to tell me that I'm given an opportunity to showcase my artwork on a magazine too, but it's a video games magazine, so I would have to draw something related to that... which is kinda hard with my style (referring to my mad drawings here). I asked her for the deadline and she said, "I will need your commitment for the next 2 days." Oops... the next 2 days = 2 and 3 november = 'A's language papers. Ahem hem hem... Ya, so i gave it a pass lorz. But she said that she'll try to find a slot to squeeze me in, perhaps for jan 07 issue :) That would be nice. But again, video games... *troubled*
Well, erm.. first, tell me what you think i'm drawing by looking at the 'big picture' up there. :) Thanks. I wanna see how others interpret my drawing. At the end of this entry, I'll be revealing what i'm actually drawing.. It's nothing too deep, by the way.
Well, I hope you can see the animals here. There's a rabbit (quite obvious), a snail, a squirrel, a goldfish, a pig, a bird, a cat, and a boy(this is not an animal xD assuming animals = non-human animals) I ran out of ideas and visions/sights/creativity.. whatever, halfway through drawing, and was unable to link the shapes to any animal. So, well.. I'm not that satisfied.
Well, I hope you've enjoyed these photos :) judging by how clear the pictures are, i guess you know that I didn't use my phone to take it. Haha.. I used my bro's camera secretly.. SHHH... Hahaha.. like it matters.
So now, to reveal the answer. What i'm drawing.. or rather, my inspiration is actually a plant. So, I'm kinda like drawing a growing seed. Haha.. out of the 6 ppl i've asked so far, 3 realised that it's a plant (though one knew it from me some time earlier, before i completed this piece. haha..) 4 others thought that it's sth to do with love, coz of the heart-shaped like thingy. Mel was quite funny, she thought tt i'm trying to say tt the love is running away. HAHAHA.. but well, i have to agree that when i drew the roots, i thought they look like legs, and i might've purposedly positioned them there. xD Fred thought that it's a plant, but with a deeper meaning (related to love again). He thinks that I'm trying to say sth like the love is growing. Hmm... But well, i was just drawing a growing seed.. that came to my mind as a random idea :P
Next, GOOD NEWS!! erm.. Well, one of it is good larz. xD
Peeps! Please visit marina square between 9 to 12 november. Noise festival will be launched 6.30 pm at 9 nov there. My artwork would be displayed too :) And yeah, i'll be paying my artwork a visit, and of course its neighbours *wink* Muz go arh.. Muz arh!! I'll camp there and you better show your face i tell ya! hahaha...
The good news is, the person in noise singapore called to tell me that I'm given an opportunity to showcase my artwork on a magazine too, but it's a video games magazine, so I would have to draw something related to that... which is kinda hard with my style (referring to my mad drawings here). I asked her for the deadline and she said, "I will need your commitment for the next 2 days." Oops... the next 2 days = 2 and 3 november = 'A's language papers. Ahem hem hem... Ya, so i gave it a pass lorz. But she said that she'll try to find a slot to squeeze me in, perhaps for jan 07 issue :) That would be nice. But again, video games... *troubled*
Tuesday, 31 October 2006
for once, i'm right!
Sigh.. I've been with my friends recently, and i had this gut feeling that they know about it, that they have a perfect idea who "he" is... Some time ago, i found out tt one of those i think know abt it, does know abt it. Ha.. Today... I found out that the other one whom i suspect know abt it, does know abt it too! What's more, one whom I do not think will sense, sensed it too!! Well, i'm not worry about it, because I know that these people are trustworthy, unlike some others :P Haha...
So what's wrong with them knowing, you might ask.. Well... these people know about it, but him? HIM? I bet he has no idea at all. Sigh... After 'A's, i tell myself, after 'A's... And after 'A's, they tell me, after 'A's... haha... but chances aren't high, i kept telling myself. I think he still likes that other girl a lot.. I have this gut feeling that he really likes her a lot. *shrugs* We shall see then... abt a month later...
Ehhh... hooked to this song, that's not very new.. hahaha... Here's the lyrics:
If you're not the one - Daniel Bedingfield
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
So what's wrong with them knowing, you might ask.. Well... these people know about it, but him? HIM? I bet he has no idea at all. Sigh... After 'A's, i tell myself, after 'A's... And after 'A's, they tell me, after 'A's... haha... but chances aren't high, i kept telling myself. I think he still likes that other girl a lot.. I have this gut feeling that he really likes her a lot. *shrugs* We shall see then... abt a month later...
Ehhh... hooked to this song, that's not very new.. hahaha... Here's the lyrics:
If you're not the one - Daniel Bedingfield
If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side
Friday, 27 October 2006
bound by love
The meaning behind a marriage is love,
....Bound by love....
Well, just some experimental photos. :) First saw this thing on net, and I was random enough a while ago to try it out myself. Well, as you can see, the shadow's not very clear, that's because I'm doing stuff in broad daylight, and i'm getting the sunlight as the source of light. That explains the faint shadow. But well, it has been a fun experience :) You should try it out yourself.
I guess I'll be posting more photos than before, with this new phone :) YAA~ heh heh. I guess you can see that i really love this phone a lot. So please please please don't let me lose it! Thanks! Oh, and if you look carefully at the photos and read the words there, you'll realised what book that is. :P
It's rather amazing how i can finish reading a 700-odd-paged Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix so fast (considering my reading speed) when I can't even finish one booklet of econs notes, or one page of chinese literature essay/notes. Eeks.. Nope, that book in the picture's not the fifth book, but the sixth book. You see, I've finished the fifth book, and am currently moving to the sixth already. :P I really ought to lock myself in a hotel with notes and notes only. Hahaha...
This last photograph, is just like one of my stickman drawings... Some sorta "Being alone in this big big world" thingy. Yep. You see that helpless little girl, standing alone in a gigantic world (in her opinion), which is my room. hahaha... she lives in a wooden box in my cupboard, with a human friend who looks just like her, several dressed teddy bears, and a hamster as roommates. Her neighbours include a relatively large tigger puppet waving a flag, a forever friend bear, a miniature piglet in a crez mug, and i can't remember what else. hahaha...
Enough crapping, it's time to read up on Feminism! Surprised I'm doing work? What's more, GP... Haha.. well, i woke up this morning remembering that there are about what, 5 more days to GP? Eeks.. really eekss...
just as the shadow of the ring is shaped as a heart.
....Bound by love....
Well, just some experimental photos. :) First saw this thing on net, and I was random enough a while ago to try it out myself. Well, as you can see, the shadow's not very clear, that's because I'm doing stuff in broad daylight, and i'm getting the sunlight as the source of light. That explains the faint shadow. But well, it has been a fun experience :) You should try it out yourself.
I guess I'll be posting more photos than before, with this new phone :) YAA~ heh heh. I guess you can see that i really love this phone a lot. So please please please don't let me lose it! Thanks! Oh, and if you look carefully at the photos and read the words there, you'll realised what book that is. :P
It's rather amazing how i can finish reading a 700-odd-paged Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix so fast (considering my reading speed) when I can't even finish one booklet of econs notes, or one page of chinese literature essay/notes. Eeks.. Nope, that book in the picture's not the fifth book, but the sixth book. You see, I've finished the fifth book, and am currently moving to the sixth already. :P I really ought to lock myself in a hotel with notes and notes only. Hahaha...
This last photograph, is just like one of my stickman drawings... Some sorta "Being alone in this big big world" thingy. Yep. You see that helpless little girl, standing alone in a gigantic world (in her opinion), which is my room. hahaha... she lives in a wooden box in my cupboard, with a human friend who looks just like her, several dressed teddy bears, and a hamster as roommates. Her neighbours include a relatively large tigger puppet waving a flag, a forever friend bear, a miniature piglet in a crez mug, and i can't remember what else. hahaha...
Enough crapping, it's time to read up on Feminism! Surprised I'm doing work? What's more, GP... Haha.. well, i woke up this morning remembering that there are about what, 5 more days to GP? Eeks.. really eekss...
Thursday, 26 October 2006
New sketchbook!!
I've been eyeing several sketchbooks from kinokuniya for some time already, and all of them are rather expensive... Today, I finally decided to buy one. I LOVE THIS BOOK!! One of my concern earlier was that there is a price tag inside.. so ugly. And because it's stuck inside, on the paper, I guessed it'll be quite a challenge to remove it. Then recently, they brought in some new stocks!! They placed some wrapped ones! WRAPPED ONES!! hahaha.. and one of the wrapped ones is the colour that I want, lime green!! hahahahaha... so i bought it today. =) And here are the pictures!!
This book's paper is rather thick, so I think i'll be using it for my crazy drawings... ink work, you see. :) And most probably I'll keep the rough work away from here.. Haha.. below's a close up to show you what word is printed there. It says [etcetra], juz in case you still can't read it :)
Some information abt it:
- Acid-free premium 180 gsm cartridge paper.
- Produced using eco-pulp derived from sustainable forests.
I really, really love it. Don't you? :)
Monday, 23 October 2006
I'm adapting...
Gradually, I got used to not seeing him... gradually, I got used to not chatting with him... gradually, I seem to have forgotten about him (sometimes)... Well, that's a good sign isn't it? But me mentioning it now is a bad sign... coz it shows that I still care :(. Haha.. as a matter of fact, yeah, I still care about it, and sometimes still brood over it and make myself sad... But well, at least I'm showing improvements *smile*
I guess I'm sticking with the idea of ignoring it until 'A's had ended... so as not to distract myself too much. I mean, while ignoring it, it's such a trouble already, can you imagine if I don't ignore it?! Haha... Well, till then... goodbye (to him).
As for the preparation for 'A's, erm.... *guilty* I... suppose.... .... I'm quite ..... fine..... *LIAR*. Haha.. I've been slacking, as usual. Sigh... can anyone stay by my side 24/7 and make sure tt i study?! Or can anyone say things like... "If you get an A for math, I'll get you a scanner." :P Muahaha...
I got my new phone today! YAA!!! heh heh... so happy. :) I better make sure I don't ever lose this phone... EVER! I'll get killed by my parents if i ever do lose it... Nope, they won't do the job, killing me.. but they'll make sure that I feel so bad that I'll do the job of killing myself. :P Haha... well, please... anyone... just make sure that i don't lose this phone!! Oh, and force me to study... haha...
I guess I'm sticking with the idea of ignoring it until 'A's had ended... so as not to distract myself too much. I mean, while ignoring it, it's such a trouble already, can you imagine if I don't ignore it?! Haha... Well, till then... goodbye (to him).
As for the preparation for 'A's, erm.... *guilty* I... suppose.... .... I'm quite ..... fine..... *LIAR*. Haha.. I've been slacking, as usual. Sigh... can anyone stay by my side 24/7 and make sure tt i study?! Or can anyone say things like... "If you get an A for math, I'll get you a scanner." :P Muahaha...
I got my new phone today! YAA!!! heh heh... so happy. :) I better make sure I don't ever lose this phone... EVER! I'll get killed by my parents if i ever do lose it... Nope, they won't do the job, killing me.. but they'll make sure that I feel so bad that I'll do the job of killing myself. :P Haha... well, please... anyone... just make sure that i don't lose this phone!! Oh, and force me to study... haha...
Tuesday, 17 October 2006
new drawing
Felt like I should do some real people again... so i flipped the magazine.. and got this picture... erm.. I'm not satisfied with this piece coz I screwed up the eyes... sigh..... And i realised that the hair is REALLY hard to draw.. sigh... I'm enjoying shading more and more now though :)
Actually there's more to the clothes larz.. but there's sooo much detail! So i decided to drop it... :P What's more.. it's 1 am in the morning.. time to sleep. Actually if it wasn't for my brother, who kopped the com, I would've been playing on e com bah.. instead of sleeping. Yeah..
Happy drawing!
Actually there's more to the clothes larz.. but there's sooo much detail! So i decided to drop it... :P What's more.. it's 1 am in the morning.. time to sleep. Actually if it wasn't for my brother, who kopped the com, I would've been playing on e com bah.. instead of sleeping. Yeah..
Happy drawing!
I'm supposed to be studying with kai li now at liang court macs :P But i just can't give it a rest till i've uploaded the picture.. Heh heh... paiseh arh kai li... so ya.. that's all. Comment pls.. thx.
----updated---
Yep.. this is the picture.. This is maggie Q. And yes, I was supposed to be drawing maggie Q, but... they don't look alike, do they.. Haha.. now you know why i'm not satisfied with this piece :P
Sunday, 15 October 2006
Hope will always be there
I've not given up hope.
Usually, that'll be something good, to be hopeful. This time round, I really wonder if it's alright to leave myself with some hope. Hope will always be there no matter what, but... is it going to help me through this? Or is it gonna ruin my life? Alright, perhaps not so serious that it'll ruin my life... just hurt me, I guess.. Anyway in my vision, I have a good life in the future!
It's like I'm still clinging on to it. Although I don't really pin that much hope already, I think I can't bring myself to believe everything to be true, that he hadn't felt anything for me at all, until I hear it from him. So I guess this whole matter can only get a rest after 'A' Levels, when I'll be free to ask him, just in case I get too sad to study.. :P In the first place, I don't study when I'm happy anyway. Hahaha...
Ehh... And about my vision, no idea why but I just seem to trust my vision. I feel like I'm Phoebe(not sure if i spelt it correctly), having these visions. haha... It might sound kinda weird to you, for me to be so naive and believe this kinda things. Sometimes, I just suddenly, randomly, have this feeling that something will happen. And when I get this kinda feeling, I'll feel very strongly about it. Evidence? need some evidence? Sure! haha..
1. Primary 6 -- I've this friend of mine, she's the kinda kid who fails practically everything except chinese. Her math grades are usually 40+, and I can't really remember if she had ever passed her math before. So anyway, one fine day, around prelim I guess, I saw her, and I had this feeling that she'll get 70+ for her math. And, I just told her about it. Haha... she, of course, naturally, did not trust my "gut feeling", and said it's impossible coz her usual grade's far from that. In the end, she did get 70+ for math!! But I don't think she remembered what I told her. Oh, well.. I was really thrilled when i know that I got it right. Haha...
2. Secondary 4 -- Piggy.. She's quite hardworking.. Well, if you compare the 2 of us, then she's VERY hardworking. :p I'm a sloth. So well, she got a 2-digit for her L1R5 for prelim. But I got this feeling that she'll get a single digit, or a 10 for her 'O's. However, this time round the feeling's not that strong. Oh, and she got a 9 in the end. Haha...
Yeah... those 2 are the only evidence that i can remember. :p So anyway, in my vision, I'm some busy woman, dressed like those 9-to-5, the higher end kind, leading a high life... ok.. not THAT high, but quite well-off. :) Hopefully I'm right again this time!
And it seems like I get all these "visions" when major exams are approaching. Haha... PSLE, 'O's, 'A's.. :P Let's hope there'll still be exams for me for the next 2 to 3 years... In Uni.
Usually, that'll be something good, to be hopeful. This time round, I really wonder if it's alright to leave myself with some hope. Hope will always be there no matter what, but... is it going to help me through this? Or is it gonna ruin my life? Alright, perhaps not so serious that it'll ruin my life... just hurt me, I guess.. Anyway in my vision, I have a good life in the future!
It's like I'm still clinging on to it. Although I don't really pin that much hope already, I think I can't bring myself to believe everything to be true, that he hadn't felt anything for me at all, until I hear it from him. So I guess this whole matter can only get a rest after 'A' Levels, when I'll be free to ask him, just in case I get too sad to study.. :P In the first place, I don't study when I'm happy anyway. Hahaha...
Ehh... And about my vision, no idea why but I just seem to trust my vision. I feel like I'm Phoebe(not sure if i spelt it correctly), having these visions. haha... It might sound kinda weird to you, for me to be so naive and believe this kinda things. Sometimes, I just suddenly, randomly, have this feeling that something will happen. And when I get this kinda feeling, I'll feel very strongly about it. Evidence? need some evidence? Sure! haha..
1. Primary 6 -- I've this friend of mine, she's the kinda kid who fails practically everything except chinese. Her math grades are usually 40+, and I can't really remember if she had ever passed her math before. So anyway, one fine day, around prelim I guess, I saw her, and I had this feeling that she'll get 70+ for her math. And, I just told her about it. Haha... she, of course, naturally, did not trust my "gut feeling", and said it's impossible coz her usual grade's far from that. In the end, she did get 70+ for math!! But I don't think she remembered what I told her. Oh, well.. I was really thrilled when i know that I got it right. Haha...
2. Secondary 4 -- Piggy.. She's quite hardworking.. Well, if you compare the 2 of us, then she's VERY hardworking. :p I'm a sloth. So well, she got a 2-digit for her L1R5 for prelim. But I got this feeling that she'll get a single digit, or a 10 for her 'O's. However, this time round the feeling's not that strong. Oh, and she got a 9 in the end. Haha...
Yeah... those 2 are the only evidence that i can remember. :p So anyway, in my vision, I'm some busy woman, dressed like those 9-to-5, the higher end kind, leading a high life... ok.. not THAT high, but quite well-off. :) Hopefully I'm right again this time!
And it seems like I get all these "visions" when major exams are approaching. Haha... PSLE, 'O's, 'A's.. :P Let's hope there'll still be exams for me for the next 2 to 3 years... In Uni.
Friday, 13 October 2006
Don't like myself when....
突然想用华文打打字...
我非常讨厌沉浸在恋爱中的自己，或许因为这一次是单恋吧。当我这样子喜欢这一个人的时候，我变得好傻，好蠢... 白痴到我自己都受不了。一直以来，我都向往独立，坚强的那一面，但在这个时候，我却变得脆弱，无助，也开始依赖他人。我讨厌愚笨的自己... 但是，我不得不承认在这段恋情里，我是如此的愚昧，如此的看不清现实。
一开始，我便清楚的知道不该踏进这滩烂泥，但却仍然让我自己陷进去。很笨吧！唉~ 我真的有股冲动，向就那么告诉他：“我喜欢你...” 但是，我是个胆小鬼。胆小鬼！
虽然我没掉那么多的泪水，但我清楚的知道我还蛮难过的，也非常明白自己很被这事件所影响。为什么？其实，很明显的。自从着一件事过后，我变得安静了。奇怪吧。平时吵吵闹闹的我，竟然会安静？所以说嘛，就是有问题啦！那一天在学校里，死死的。昨天和朋友出去，也异常的安静。那几个男生还说怕我静静地在他们后面走回走丢，说要把我绑起来，拉着走，像小狗一样。哈哈。。。但我昨天是比较静啦，也走得很慢。或许是因为地点吧。他们所选择的地方，竟是那个拥有着一些回忆的地方。
昨天，搭车回家时，眼泪涌出，但我并没有让它们落下。当时的我在想，同样的地点，搭着同样的巴士，也同样是站在里头，心情却那么不同。快回家时，过了马路后，我们便分头走了。他们都搭地铁，所以最后只剩我一个人走到巴士车站。走过之前和他走过的路，但这一次，我是孤单的。一路走着，不免回忆起那只存在于回忆的兴奋与快乐。当时所抱有的希望，如今已不再。这静静的悲伤正静静的侵蚀着我的肉体，侵蚀着我的心灵。不久后，或许你们所认识的我永远都回不来了，我所认识的自己也永远都不在了。
Something's no longer there. That something that i had been hoping for will never be there anymore. I've grown to realise that I shouldn't be waiting for that something anymore. It wasn't meant for me, that something... neither was he meant for me. It is indeed a bad time to have discovered that, as it takes my mind off often, distracting me...
It's really hard to put on a mask, and i seldom do that. But even just a thin layer of mask hurts me a lot... like today. I had been smiling a lot, which just makes the pain even worse....
Yesterday, I survived through the whole day with one sandwich (homemade) and hazelnut hot chocolate from starbucks. I was worried that I'll go on like that, though I won't mind if it's just a short period of time, meaning that my weight will go down for the first time! Haha.. But well, I guess I worried for nothing, for now, I AM HUNGRY!! YEAH! :) Being hungry is a good thing. I never knew that feeling hungry can make me so relieved. Heehee... no no ... hee hee's no longer here.. heh heh...
and I saw him a few times today... sigh....
我非常讨厌沉浸在恋爱中的自己，或许因为这一次是单恋吧。当我这样子喜欢这一个人的时候，我变得好傻，好蠢... 白痴到我自己都受不了。一直以来，我都向往独立，坚强的那一面，但在这个时候，我却变得脆弱，无助，也开始依赖他人。我讨厌愚笨的自己... 但是，我不得不承认在这段恋情里，我是如此的愚昧，如此的看不清现实。
一开始，我便清楚的知道不该踏进这滩烂泥，但却仍然让我自己陷进去。很笨吧！唉~ 我真的有股冲动，向就那么告诉他：“我喜欢你...” 但是，我是个胆小鬼。胆小鬼！
虽然我没掉那么多的泪水，但我清楚的知道我还蛮难过的，也非常明白自己很被这事件所影响。为什么？其实，很明显的。自从着一件事过后，我变得安静了。奇怪吧。平时吵吵闹闹的我，竟然会安静？所以说嘛，就是有问题啦！那一天在学校里，死死的。昨天和朋友出去，也异常的安静。那几个男生还说怕我静静地在他们后面走回走丢，说要把我绑起来，拉着走，像小狗一样。哈哈。。。但我昨天是比较静啦，也走得很慢。或许是因为地点吧。他们所选择的地方，竟是那个拥有着一些回忆的地方。
昨天，搭车回家时，眼泪涌出，但我并没有让它们落下。当时的我在想，同样的地点，搭着同样的巴士，也同样是站在里头，心情却那么不同。快回家时，过了马路后，我们便分头走了。他们都搭地铁，所以最后只剩我一个人走到巴士车站。走过之前和他走过的路，但这一次，我是孤单的。一路走着，不免回忆起那只存在于回忆的兴奋与快乐。当时所抱有的希望，如今已不再。这静静的悲伤正静静的侵蚀着我的肉体，侵蚀着我的心灵。不久后，或许你们所认识的我永远都回不来了，我所认识的自己也永远都不在了。
Something's no longer there. That something that i had been hoping for will never be there anymore. I've grown to realise that I shouldn't be waiting for that something anymore. It wasn't meant for me, that something... neither was he meant for me. It is indeed a bad time to have discovered that, as it takes my mind off often, distracting me...
It's really hard to put on a mask, and i seldom do that. But even just a thin layer of mask hurts me a lot... like today. I had been smiling a lot, which just makes the pain even worse....
Yesterday, I survived through the whole day with one sandwich (homemade) and hazelnut hot chocolate from starbucks. I was worried that I'll go on like that, though I won't mind if it's just a short period of time, meaning that my weight will go down for the first time! Haha.. But well, I guess I worried for nothing, for now, I AM HUNGRY!! YEAH! :) Being hungry is a good thing. I never knew that feeling hungry can make me so relieved. Heehee... no no ... hee hee's no longer here.. heh heh...
and I saw him a few times today... sigh....
Thursday, 12 October 2006
In pain
I'm in pain... emotionally and physically. Sigh... Stupid menstrual cramps. HATE IT!!! yes... HATE IT!!!
Here's my crazy attempt to clog up my blog with posts all happening on one day!! Hmm... This is the second post.. so let's see how many I'll be posting today.. Here's before my brother uses the com.
Well... Watched Goong just now, and some things touched my heart.. eg. "He can be nice to you occasionally, but the person he likes is still ____ ..." and "one-sided love is so tiring..." Yes.. exactly how I feel!
One of my friends used to say that I'm lucky enough to know the person I like, because some people don't get to know their crush. However, it's not so simple. Not knowing that person, doesn't make you like that person that much. Knowing him in person, makes you realise that you like him really much, and makes everything even more painful! Sigh... And to know that he knows you, without knowing that you like him! It's just like the chinese saying "The furthest distance is when I'm right beside you but you have no idea that I like you so". Yep..
And to think that I've been thinking so much when all along, he's been liking her! All along, he hasn't once fallen for me... How many times have I tried to get myself out and failed... Right at the beginning, I've told myself that I shouldn't venture too deep because it'll do me no good, I knew all along that I'll be hurt in the end but.... but....... but I just can't help it. While getting myself out of the endless pit, he comes by again and a "hi" from him pulls me lower, a tap from him cuts the rope I had been holding on to.... And I fall right down, knowing that he'll never be there to catch me, knowing that no one's gonna save me.
He's been nice to me... but that's just friendship. I've been constantly reminding myself that. It's just friendship! I made myself think in the bad way all the time, forcing myself to think that he dislikes my company to keep myself from finding him too often. I had forced myself to do as little as possible, so that I'll know if he does dislike my company. And several times, he had shown that I was wrong, that he doesn't dislike me! He finds me instead of me finding him! I even got to know that sometimes when he didn't approach me, it's because he had thought that I was busy doing things! Knowing all these just made me feel so happy... that I'm not being disliked. That at least there's still a speck of hope. Knowing all these now makes me feel so sad... that he's just a friendly creature being nice to me as he always does to everyone else.
My friends suggested that perhaps he's shy, just like me. I had thought of that before too because he does seem like a shy person. But, he had been very enthu with his crush. He did a lot of things.. but me? me? me??? what he had done to me is NOTHING to what he had done to her. So... there is nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing....
Perhaps, I should start convincing myself all over again that he dislikes me.
Goodbye!
And maybe i'll tell him one day that I had once fallen for him.
Here's my crazy attempt to clog up my blog with posts all happening on one day!! Hmm... This is the second post.. so let's see how many I'll be posting today.. Here's before my brother uses the com.
Well... Watched Goong just now, and some things touched my heart.. eg. "He can be nice to you occasionally, but the person he likes is still ____ ..." and "one-sided love is so tiring..." Yes.. exactly how I feel!
One of my friends used to say that I'm lucky enough to know the person I like, because some people don't get to know their crush. However, it's not so simple. Not knowing that person, doesn't make you like that person that much. Knowing him in person, makes you realise that you like him really much, and makes everything even more painful! Sigh... And to know that he knows you, without knowing that you like him! It's just like the chinese saying "The furthest distance is when I'm right beside you but you have no idea that I like you so". Yep..
And to think that I've been thinking so much when all along, he's been liking her! All along, he hasn't once fallen for me... How many times have I tried to get myself out and failed... Right at the beginning, I've told myself that I shouldn't venture too deep because it'll do me no good, I knew all along that I'll be hurt in the end but.... but....... but I just can't help it. While getting myself out of the endless pit, he comes by again and a "hi" from him pulls me lower, a tap from him cuts the rope I had been holding on to.... And I fall right down, knowing that he'll never be there to catch me, knowing that no one's gonna save me.
He's been nice to me... but that's just friendship. I've been constantly reminding myself that. It's just friendship! I made myself think in the bad way all the time, forcing myself to think that he dislikes my company to keep myself from finding him too often. I had forced myself to do as little as possible, so that I'll know if he does dislike my company. And several times, he had shown that I was wrong, that he doesn't dislike me! He finds me instead of me finding him! I even got to know that sometimes when he didn't approach me, it's because he had thought that I was busy doing things! Knowing all these just made me feel so happy... that I'm not being disliked. That at least there's still a speck of hope. Knowing all these now makes me feel so sad... that he's just a friendly creature being nice to me as he always does to everyone else.
My friends suggested that perhaps he's shy, just like me. I had thought of that before too because he does seem like a shy person. But, he had been very enthu with his crush. He did a lot of things.. but me? me? me??? what he had done to me is NOTHING to what he had done to her. So... there is nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing...
nothing....
Perhaps, I should start convincing myself all over again that he dislikes me.
Goodbye!
And maybe i'll tell him one day that I had once fallen for him.
I'm still sad
Yes, I'm still sad.
Actually, I've been waiting for the chance to see you, to see how you treat me, to see if it really is true... that scene I saw after the fog has cleared, that scene that broke my heart. However, I never got the chance to do it. I did see you, but you didn't see me. That very time you saw me, you didn't even say hi. Fine then.. I guess it's true then.
After some time, some tears finally dropped today.
I had been so dead yesterday, and you're part of the reason why.
You still like her don't you? And you had never liked me at all... I just wanted to hear from you... to know if it's true... to know that it's true, and that's when I'll finally decide to move on.
I have this urge to just tell you that I like you, even though I know there's no hope now. I just want to tell you, as if it'll relieve me from all the pain I'm having now. Maybe I will tell you.. some time... maybe...
Actually, I've been waiting for the chance to see you, to see how you treat me, to see if it really is true... that scene I saw after the fog has cleared, that scene that broke my heart. However, I never got the chance to do it. I did see you, but you didn't see me. That very time you saw me, you didn't even say hi. Fine then.. I guess it's true then.
After some time, some tears finally dropped today.
I had been so dead yesterday, and you're part of the reason why.
You still like her don't you? And you had never liked me at all... I just wanted to hear from you... to know if it's true... to know that it's true, and that's when I'll finally decide to move on.
I have this urge to just tell you that I like you, even though I know there's no hope now. I just want to tell you, as if it'll relieve me from all the pain I'm having now. Maybe I will tell you.. some time... maybe...
Tuesday, 10 October 2006
I'm fine, thank you :)
Seriously, I'm better than I would've thought! Hmm.... why's that so? I've no idea too. It's like.. life goes on for me.. Not much changes. It's just that I'm sure I'm not going to have any more expectations.. Hope still remains, somehow.. Oh, well...
I guess I have this idea that I should've known it all along bah, though that piece of news still came as a kind of shock. Eeps.. haha..
Self-proclaimed: NO SCHOOL TODAY!! haha.. coz i woke up late.. had a bad headache last night. sigh... anw, tuesday's a free-period day... 2 and 1/2 hours of free period for me to rot, draw, do homework (*ahem* sometimes), study (*ahem* once more.. xD), think through things, feel sad and lonely, feel excited, sleep, read magazines (i mean TIME, national geographic kinda magazines)... ... ... ... Yep! So, I missed ECONS LECTURE AND TUTORIAL!!! and that's very bad. Sharks...
as for tomorrow, self-proclaim: NO MATH LECTURE!! Haha... that's like a permanent claim. :P Erm... I guess I got addicted to skipping math lectures? Yep.. addicted. Amazing isn't it? So, you better not try it, or you'll end up like me!
I guess I have this idea that I should've known it all along bah, though that piece of news still came as a kind of shock. Eeps.. haha..
Self-proclaimed: NO SCHOOL TODAY!! haha.. coz i woke up late.. had a bad headache last night. sigh... anw, tuesday's a free-period day... 2 and 1/2 hours of free period for me to rot, draw, do homework (*ahem* sometimes), study (*ahem* once more.. xD), think through things, feel sad and lonely, feel excited, sleep, read magazines (i mean TIME, national geographic kinda magazines)... ... ... ... Yep! So, I missed ECONS LECTURE AND TUTORIAL!!! and that's very bad. Sharks...
as for tomorrow, self-proclaim: NO MATH LECTURE!! Haha... that's like a permanent claim. :P Erm... I guess I got addicted to skipping math lectures? Yep.. addicted. Amazing isn't it? So, you better not try it, or you'll end up like me!
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