mood = everything

Came to realise that our mood really affects the way we see things.

Was watching pride and prejudice just now, again yes. xD And i felt differently from e previous tiem i watch e movie. Last time, I felt sad through e whole movie though there are some parts that are rather sweet. This time, I felt sweet through e movie though some parts of it are rather sad. xD Perhaps that's because I know that there's this happy ending, so all e sad moments are part of e happiness. =)

This leads me to another topic. Perhaps one of the reasons why we're so afraid when in love is because we don't know what's going to happen next. We fear the unknown. So.. because we don't know e outcome, we don't know what will happen, we become afraid. Guess that's how i feel. It's the unknown. I don't know if he likes me or not. That's the unknown for now. xD But well..

Another thing mentioned in the movie, when lizzy is in a conversation with charlotte. Lizzy claimed that jane does like mr. bingley but charlotte says that jane doesn't show her affection enough (jane's a shy person who often keeps things to herself). Then charlotte said something that really sounds logical. We often need encouragements to continue liking someone. In a way, i'm kinda like waiting for that encouragement to come. It came to me some time ago, or at least i thought it came... but for now, i need more to go on. That's why i'm waiting. But.. to be pessimistic and realistic, I doubt it's gonna come. So... whatever.. i'm not in the mood to feel sad about this matter today. xD Today's quite a crazy day.

Now i'm thinking if i'm happy today because i've gotten over it and am moving on with my life or is it just because I didn't see him at all today. Whichever it is, I'm glad that i'm in quite a good mood today. =) Gives me a break at least.

new idol!!

Hey ppl!!

I've got a new idol!!

He's damn cool. Seriously.. seriously.. i didn't know that he's that famous at first. My bro was e one who introduced e video clip to me... David Elsewhere dancing in kollaboration 2001, which made him famous. He's like... he's like.. a rubber boy!! anw, that's what he's called on e web too. hahaha... he's real good. Do type "david elsewhere" on youtube and watch his dances.. he's totally cool.

Had been searching for nice videos today.. oh ya.. type "christmas lights gone wild" too. Once again, i watched that with my brother. haha.. oh oh oh ... and i watched this jap show for kids... pythagoras switch.. then there's this dance. At first it was quite boring and stupid.. but after that.. they danced e same dance, this time round with a group of ninjas behind.. in a line. It's kinda funny watching a group of them dance that in a line. I started laughing when they danced... xD

Basically today's quite a mad day.

Oh.. and i finally gone back for dance practice.

No idea why.. but i'm not in my sad sad mode today!! =D Perhaps it's because i don't see him today!! Weee~ Hmm... but i did think about him once or twice during dance practice... ya.. but just thought about him lorz.. nothing much.. Dance needs concentration, so i can't think much when i have to dance. Btw, i had e time to think of him because my teacher is busy correcting someone's position. Ya...

Otherwise, i'm happy today!! mad day.. but i didn't do my homework.. which is bad.. =P well.. tmr is another day of mugging up in GWC's mcs with piggy. xD try finding me there..

I'm tired

What? Did i promise myself to stop thinking and stop writing so much about it? Well, I guess it's just so hard to carry out what i've promised myself. It's just so hard. It's been a painful day, because while i'm trying not to think about him, i kept seeing him around, again and again. If i called what had happened before as fate, then i guess we're only fated to be friends and nothing more. It's just a coincidence that we pass each other so many times. It's just coincidence. Nothing but coincidence.

虽然我一直看到他，但我不敢正眼看他。就知道他在那里，就知道我们擦肩而过，赶快离开就对了。原来，喜欢上一个人是那么痛苦的。这是必经的路程吗？为什么会那么难过呢？本来，一整天那样下去很完美的，怎么知道，又再一次的见到他。见到他的那一刻，我整颗心都沉了下去。为什么连一天的平静也不给我呢？不知道为什么，今天我就是不想见到他，却一直见到他。见到他也就算了，他竟然还跟我说话。实在是。。。

原来，我画画的时候，也是会想事情的。但是，我可以边想事情，边画画，因为画画是个人的事情，没有什么标准答案，不需要多加思考，想画什么就画什么。今天，第一次在图书馆的时候，很想写些东西，但我不是一个人，所以不方便。第二次在图书馆，我开始画画了，想打发时间，不想让我有空闲的时候，不想想他。一切都没怎样，但我朋友突然问了我一句 “最近如何？”，边有启动了一切不该启动的。我又开始想事情了。

在等待课外活动开始的那段空档，我又开始画画了。画着，画着，心里仍然想着那一件事。就这样，越画越伤心，眼泪也差一点流出来。也许，画画也带给我某些回忆吧。

I'm tired. Tired of many many things. Well, i haven't been sleeping well lately, not totally because of him, don't worry. The condition is not that bad... yet. I'm tired of studying, tired of thinking about him all this while when i know that it's pointless. Tired of waiting for him to come online, when again i know that it's pointless. Tired of waiting for him to come and say hi. Tired of waiting for him to initiate a chat online. Tired of being so busy with so many things to do. Tired of promising myself to go for dance practice when I always end up not going because I just feel so tired!

Yesterday, i said that it's just a short period of overwhelming sadness. Now i'm starting to think that perhaps the calmness before was just a short period of calmness amidst a long term sadness. So... I guess I really have to learn to cope with this sadness, and learn to live with it. Though i try to close my eyes tight, I will still open them every now and then to take a look at the tiny flickering flame, that is getting smaller and smaller each day. Sometimes, i would rather console myself with "Perhaps he's just too busy. That's why he's not been taking any actions"

Read my friend's blog with regards to my blog. Haha... well, i have to say that through this incident, i've learnt that i have true friends around me, who are really concerned about me. As for what geok has to say in his blog, I actually don't really have anything to say. My friend asked me if i'm the kind of person who needs to be in a relationship. I thought for a moment and told her that I think I'm the independent kind, who can live without being in a relationship. Well, I still think i am the independent creature I thought i am, but i also know that it takes time to forget, and move on with life.

Perhaps he's just not careful with his words. Perhaps he's used the wrong words unconsciously. Perhaps he doesn't mean what i thought he meant. Perhaps nothing's what it seems to be. Perhaps I don't really like him in the first place. Haha.. the last one is so 自欺欺人.

Of course, i have other things to talk about, like my school work. =S I really need to catch up with my studies. Didn't study for econs test today, so i can't expect to pass. It's an essay test, not MCQ you see.. sigh... Why am i not hardworking, determined, or at the very least, be bornt with ultra high quality brain? Then i can live my life slacking yet scoring. Guess life just can't be so perfect.

I miss him, but at the same time, i don't want to see him. You understand how i feel? haha... I don't know what i'm thinking actually. I'm hungry. Talk about being random. But i am really hungry. Had wanted to eat chips, but thought that they should be back home soon. Well, guess i'm wrong. Sigh... FOOD!!!

empty promises

promised myself not to think so much, but i broke the promise. My eyes will still automatically go in search of him when i pass that place. I can't help it.

Had a sharing session with mel today. Happy to hear that she felt a lil better after talking to me, though it's just a little better. =) As for me, frankly, i don't feel any better after sharing. But don't worry, I'm quite alright to begin with, so i'm still quite fine. Don't worry about me. I'm still strong enough to move on with my life. After calming myself down and think through all again, I feel much better already. So... though I still feel sad, it's not as bad as before.

The hope he had given me is like a tiny flame flickering in the dark with the wind threatening to destroy the tiny bit of hope i have with me. The tiny flame is still surviving though there is no additional oxygen given to it, because it is still living on the great impact from before. The tiny flame will soon be dead unless oxygen is provided. I feel like letting the wind kill the tiny flame, but my hands just automatically block the flame from the wind, protecting it. I'm living in a world of contradictory.

Sometimes, just the look of you hurts. You're so near, yet so far. Sometimes, I long to see you. And when i see you, I feel both happiness and pain inside me, twisting and turning, causing even more pain.

最远的距离，是我在你身边，但你不知道我爱你。

Although it's not that deep yet, but well... i guess this phrase somehow explains why i'm feeling so much pain inside me. But it's more than that. So what if you know that i like you? Perhaps you've already guessed it. It just seems like you're avoiding me, somehow. I don't know why. It just seems like it. Even if you know that I like you, doubt you'll return the little bit of love.

Currently, i'm in the phase of moving on with my life, while i still think of him at times. I know that i can't waste my time on him, since there's not much chance of getting what i want, so I guess i really need to move on with life. I'm on my way already. =) Guess i have to live with the sadness and carry on with my life. Occasionally, the sadness will be overwhelming, but it doesn't happen all the time, so i guess it's quite alright. I'll get used to the sadness, and one day, i won't even remember that it's there.

This is one of the occasional overwhelming sadness. Will i still be this sad 20 days later? I really hope to have a happy birthday. GP paper is no longer on that day, so is that worth celebrating? But well, just that is definitely not enough to make my birthday happy. Guess there's nothing i can do about it. Like what i've said, i just have to move on with my life. Overwhelming sadness... overwhelming... the tears... rolling down... but the sadness stays, taking a longer time to be gone.

Though the few of you said that there is hope, i just can't seem to see it. In fact, it seems like we're getting further apart. Perhaps he's busy with his stuff, perhaps he's not that interested in me as I thought, perhaps he's already avoiding me, perhaps he just thinks that i'm a nuisance. Perhaps.. perhaps.... perhaps it's all but a dream. How relieved i'll be if it is just a dream, someone just have to wake me up!

While i'm feeling sad over this, I'm wondering if i've lost a friend. Something to be definite, we will never be as close as before anymore, and will be even more awkward, i suppose. I've stopped saying sorry, because i know it doesn't help. Just a few words for you, who used to care so much about me...

please take good care of yourself.

Pathetic

Went to school late today :P I'm too tired larz... first ever time that i actually fall asleep while playing.. Shows how tired i am.. that's why i went to bed straight after e game. xD

Ehh... I hope that with this entry, I shall put an end to e thread of troubled entries.. Well, many reasons why I think i should stop talking about it here. Since most of e part is sad, if i go on talking about him, all of you will think that i am so so so so sad... like i'm going to commit suicide any time xD. Dun worry... it's not tt serious.. yet. xD hahaha... eh.. next, I'm quite restricted here eh.. cannot say too much while expressing my feelings.. Why? Just dun wanna let anyone know who it is (except for those who already know) just in case you all know tt person i'm talking abt. =P Quite unlikely. Actually, very unlikely.. but well, playing safe. xD Anyway, if i'm gonna continue talking about him, i guess all my entries will be sad, because there really isn't any progress at all. Instead, i think it might be going the other way... or it might be stagnant. Sigh... I'll just have to wait.

Eh... quite tight these days. Take today for example, i have to attend 3D studio max 8 course, and half way through e course have to leave for 100 m heats (results: 6th position, didn't get in finals). So well... I still have to continue going for heats, still got 200 m. Then on sports day itself, there's e relay. Eh... of course, it's more than tt larz. xD I still have to join this computron competition.. deadline's 12 may!! oh my goodness!! I don't even have any idea what i'm gonna do abt it!! Actually, i have larz.. but nv really research or sketch and all... sigh... how? how? how? Some more Mr. Lee still ask me to join e creative writing too!! Creative writing?! CREATIVE WRITING?!?! ok ok.. let me get this clear.. first, i'm not creative. second, i don't write well!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh~

Like.. help~~ help!!! haha...

mel talked about her weird dream. Well, actually i had this weird dream too. It was either before or during camp. I dreamt about camp. Dreamt that Mr geok and freddo actually were sitting in e canteen, eating and chatting, while we were having games. *boing* xD hahaha... what a dream.. I can only say that i was shocked to see them in e dream.

I am testing colours here

Testing one two three

testing one two three

waiting

now that i've learnt how painful it is to wait, i really want to apologise. You've been waiting for me all these while, and i didn't realise how much it hurts. Now i know.

After telling my friends, they concluded that he must be at least a little interested in me. But, the hope he gives me is like a balloon. Sometimes, he'll refill it with helium, but sometimes, he doesn't do that. So the balloon floats and deflates and floats and deflates.

whatever

I want a precise answer, at least something more obvious. I know that i like you. But i don't know if you do like me. I guess that you like me, my friends think that you like me, but in what way we have no idea at all!! That's the problem. Sigh...

I actually got happier on that sad and moody day after talking to you. That's how affected I am. That's how much you can influence me. I now stone in class because i'm thinking of you. Because i'm troubling over tt matter. That's how useless i am.

I imagine the same scene happening to you. You asking your friends for opinions, asking them if it seems like i'm at least a lil interested in you. But they are only imaginations, I hope that they are more, but i'm realistic. Some things can only live in dreams. This is one of the things.

I need some proper encouragement from you... so that I can go on. So that i'll know that i'm not wrong, know that i'm blessed. But these encouragements don't come. I don't know why, but i have this feeling that you're somehow avoiding me a little. In another way, it's like you're being shy. Someone said that perhaps it's because of my coldness in treating people in general sometimes, that discourages you from talking to me.

This is like the darkest chocolate. I can only tasted the bitter part now... the sweetness comes and goes, and it's so little. Though it might seem insignificant, but due to e contrast, they do seem very sweet. And i mean, VERY sweet.

It's so painful to wait for you to come online... especially when in the end, you actually don't come online.. Like now... I long to talk to you, but i fear doing so. I really feel like asking you, but it's too great a cost, losing a friendship. i'm not confident enough to ask you. This is a different situation from before. You are different from tt previous guy, in many ways. But i doubt you'll read this anyway.

My friends suggested hinting, which i did. But i received no response. It just seems like you're indifferent. Can you like be more obvious?

more than juz crazy...

Today's a mad day. I slept for 16 hours, in the living room, with the fan on, with the lights off, with no blankets, still wearing my specs, and my hairband. That's how i ended up with new mosquito bites.

So when i woke up, it's already 4 pm. For the rest of the day, I felt like doing nothing. Was surprised that i'm not hungry. But thought that i should bite something at the very least. Showered, and felt like watching pride and prejudice again.

So i did.

Don't know why, but it's pointless to do work anyway, since i can't concentrate, and i don't feel like doing work. Cried while watching, no surprise. It's touching. But this time it's more than just touching.

What beautiful eyes keira knightley has.

What beautiful eyes matthew macfadyen has.

Suddenly, i'm in love with "pride and prejudice" again. Suddenly, i'm in love with maksim's pieces again.

Suddenly, i recalled how sad "somewhere in time" can be. Realised that "leeloo's tune" can be very sad too. Learnt that everything seems sad when one is sad. Even if you know that it is happy, you feel sad deep inside you. That's how sad it is. Once again, i've become the moody soul inside this shell.

Sometimes, I don't know whether i should be sad or glad. I feel both feelings inside me. But i can also feel that the sadness is overpowering, so powerful that it can totally cover the gladness. That's how sad i am. That's how sad it is.

Tears have become a routine, not because of him, not because of you. It's just me. and perhaps the monthly one. Sadness can make me so quiet. So quiet that you can't recognise me at all. So quiet that you would've thought of me as a stranger, or wouldn't even notice me at all. That's how sad it is.

maksim's music really suit me now. I don't know why. Even if you listen to his music, you won't know how i feel. Because when a person is sad, everything is sad. Unless you have my sadness in you, don't even try finding it out, or trying it out.

no one to talk to, because i am not willing to talk to anyone. There used to be someone, but it's no longer apt to tell that someone. For the rest of you, it's just not suitable. Perhaps I just want to keep it to myself. No one knows, because i don't want anyone to know.

Thousands of question inside, but the cost of asking is too great. I'd rather not know the answers than to take the risk.

There's so much to say, so much that i don't know what to say. So much inside me that i no longer know what they are. So much came out that i don't know what i've lost. So many things happening that i don't know who i am anymore. In the first place, have i ever known myself at all?

Just for this certain matter, I've learnt so much and lost so much. What a sad and confusing post this is. Not forgetting random. I'm more than just crazy. More than just sad.

我不知道。。。我真的不知道

刚从学校回来，洗澡后，便到世界城去了。

本来以为我还蛮有精神的。怎么知道，到了以后，读了一些东西便开始点头了。我无法专心地做作业。

很难专心。

除此之外，另外一个很大很大的原因是。。。

我一直在想，一直都在想。。。

想他。

回家的路上，突然想起了梁静茹的那首《对不起我爱你》。想一想歌词，当中说的一些部分，不就是我吗？

“喝水想着你，搭车想着你，合眼闭眼间，出现的全是你”

“读书想着你，听歌想着你，大地和蓝天，出现的全是你”

回到家以后，好想唱唱这首歌。刚才，我便随着音乐，跟着唱。怎么知道，歌词打到了我内心深处。。。

眼泪，涌出。

有好多东西我想说，在这里说，但实在是不方便。

在这么一个关键时刻，我竟然被他打败了。我必须专心一点。

“不要在想了！”

我告诉自己。

不要在想了。。。

对不起，我做不到。

眉毛，皱。

眼中的悲伤，你们看得到吗？

虽然发生了一些让我感到甜蜜的事，但是在希望刚出现的时候，便马上又消失了。

好像有希望了。啊！我猜错了。咦？可能有一点点地希望！算了，我想我真地会错意了。

就这样的，没完没了。

心里有好多的感触。

原来，这就叫做“痛”。

我懂了。

我懂了吗？

对不起，我爱你 （歌词）

没别的只想说对不起
对不起我真的爱你
不管你会怎么想你怎么说
也不会改变我的决定
你知道有时候感情事很难说
很难说爱人或朋友
从前到现在我真的感觉要
一想你我的心就发烧

想给你听我的心跳
想你知道我睡的不好
喝水想着你 搭车想着你
合眼闭眼间出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情
我等不到你的回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

没别的只想说对不起
怎么样我都会珍惜
不管你会怎么讲 你怎么做
也不会影响我的心情
你知道有时候男孩更难捉摸
难捉摸爱人或朋友
现在到永远我真会感觉要
一想你我的心就狂跳

我的模样记不记得牢
情人卡有没有收到
读书想着你听歌想着你
大地和蓝天出现的全是你
我才不管你的表情
我才不理你回不回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

你听一听我的心跳
你看一看我睡的不好
喝水想着你 搭车想着你
合眼闭眼间出现的全是你
我猜不到你的表情
我等不到你的回应
不想难为你又不想放弃你
决定告诉你
对不起对不起我爱你

梁静茹?对不起！我爱你

green polo tee day!!

Today's green polo-T day!! xD

went out with piggy to buy a new pair of specs since my current specs's not much of use now. can't see clearly. Blur images. =P

Next we went to gwc. =D as usual. we went separate ways once we reached e building coz i wanna go to e washroom and she needs to go to e bank. So... i went off to macs on my own, walked past e open space, thought i heard a guy calling me (but who do i know hangs out there?) which i concluded as i've misheard. yeah.. no seats for us at e usual cosy corner, so i have to choose some other seats. Was waiting for piggy to reach, when i saw a big big bright lime green shirt with longs. Didn't look up at first, though that person was facing me. Just thought that he was looking for seats or trying to chase me away. =P So i ignored him. haha... dao as usual. Then he tapped e table, which made me look up. Got a shock of my life!! Haha... it's my IJ friend! No wonder i heard someone calling me. xD so it wasn't my imagination. =P As for why he's there, i have no idea at all. haha.. though he tried explaining, i only managed to catch "GV". So i assume that it's some movie trip?

Quite funny. Coz i know that he doesn't stay around that area (well most ppl in IJ don't -_-), i asked him what is he doing there? Aft he told me e GV things (which i still haven't figured out what xD), he asked me what am i doing there? hahaha... well, that's an easy question to answer. I live around that area, and i go down there almost every sunday. I've been hanging out there since... sec 3 =D when i met piggy and know that she lives around tt area. We ended up always going there aft school to do hw and eat and chat... read comics... nap. xD

Haha... it's green polo tee day! I'm wearing my fav green polo tee. I'm not the only one in green polo tee. I saw a bunch of people in green polo tee at gwc. Eh... blend in with e crowd arh. xD oh ya... my friend was wearing a lime green polo tee too, if i'm right. =S so bright arh, his shirt...

ouch, my eyes. xD

Eh... finally gotta know that han jin still remembers me. xD saw her while i was on my way to GP class on thurs. Saw her with her usual friend, and caught her staring at me. I stared back, and smiled. Hahaha.. she walked to me and grabbed my arm, telling me that she kept thinking if i was from crescent xD. muahaha... coz of my haircut, she couldn't recognise me xD Eh... wonder what house she's in now. Hope that she's in taurus too xD then can help us earn A LOT of points xD.

Though apologies don't work, I would still like to say that i'm sorry. Bash me up if you want.

ermm.. sorry?

I think i hurt someone yesterday... you might have guessed it right.. it's you.. yeah you... are you still... you haven't gotten over it yet? Maybe i'm just being over sensitive, but that's e impression i have from your responses last night... If i did hurt you, I apologise for i didn't mean to do that. I had assumed that you had gotten over it and will not feel anything much from listening to what i've got to say. Perhaps i'm wrong in whichever part i've mentioned above, but well... still... sorry.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word? but that's only for people who meant what they say when they apologise. They are sorry. But for now... it just seems like we say tt too often such that it no longer has its original effects.

Still.. sorry.

Com crash =(

Well, my com crash aft my net's back. How sad is that... once again, i'm back to using com in e sch library. So pathetic... sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh... come, come... who wants to fix my com? =) for free? =) =) haha.. fine.. i'll pay 50 cents if you insist xD i suspect it's a virus.. but e com's daddy (my kor kor) is not at home to give permission to take it to a doctor. It might be just a minor flu which its daddy can solve in no time. Of course, that is if he's in singapore... boo hoo... when i thought that i can finally have the com to myself... it went bonkers.. i think it misses its daddy... come back kor kor!!! come back and fix the com then go back to brunei for your ns stuff!!

what a bad sis i am.. well, i'm not just that. I'm a bad friend, a bad student, a bad daughter... a good slacker though =) hahaha.. i'm very pro at tt.. i can teach you ^^

Well, NMA has a new project again... and the theme is "clash of the titans". What is my idea?

::Blank::

I have no idea at all to what i should do!!! can you ppl give me ideas?? Anw, feel so sad tt no one visits my blog as often now... sigh... Oh and finally i can get my mad drawings scanned!! coz zek wants to scan it.. haha... yay yay yay... hooray!! so tmr, which is a wednesday, a CCA day.. i'm gonna scan my mad drawings!!! whoa!! maybe can post here.. haha.. it's too big for this blog... your eyes will rot.. But Swee Sien said that there's no cca tmr coz e J1s are having their OAC. -_-... he said that he'll be there though... zek too. now i'm thinking if i should stay back with them to research since my com crash =( my com crash... com crash.... com crash.... my GB..... no more GB for me....... =( ......

T-T

anw.. got back my Pw results of course... disgrace... i got a band 3!! actually, it's kinda expected arh... since i didn't really put in effort. Well, it's quite scary because I think that it's sorta a reflection of what kind of grades we will be getting for our 'A's... But the problem with me is that though i know that i have to work extremely hard -- since i'm not one of e smart kids with high quality brains and photographic memory -- i still don't put in enough effort. I need someone scary to push me into doing it. >.<>

Seriously gotta go for dance practice le... coz i've been missing dance practice for 3 consecutive weeks!! I need to go to e studio earlier to refresh my memory so that i won't be a nuisance... oh no... come to think of it, i better do stretchings... i'm getting stiff for not practising. who wants to stretch with me? I'll break your bones... muahaha... and mine too.. >.<

about yesterday...

Don't feel like talking much today... juz tt i didn't do anything yesterday coz i was too tired. Slept from evening onwards... missed my da chang jing =( didn't even shower, or remove my lenses. Didn't wash clothes, hang clothes also.. so today got a lot of work. Sigh... Anw, finally got back all my papers yesterday. Hmm... Not very nice, but well...

Here are my results (roughly):

GP(only essay) - 27.5/50

[better than i expected]

CL A - should be a B bah...

Math - definitely an F

[if CA's not counted]

Econs - F/AO

[depends on calculation]

so in the end i only passed the 2 languages... sad case...

had promised myself to do hw from the time i reach home till 10 pm when i watch da chang jing, but well, now i feel like playing GB, so i shall go play GB and do math later lorz...

ate dinner on my own today.. lonely day...

many many things...

。。。迷失。。。

在人群中迷失

在内心里迷失

在家里迷失

在无人的世界里也感到迷失

。。。 。。。 。。。

我讨厌这种茫然，但要如何才能找回方向，找回斗志呢？谁来引导我呢？

was watching 娱乐百分百 just now, and it's the singing competition thing. The theme was 周华建 . 2 of the contestants are the twins 2 moro. Well, i was expecting some not very good singing and when they were singing for the competition, it's almost as i expected, except tt one of them sang better. So my impression changed a little. But what really changed my impression of their singing is when they had their 加分表演. Both did imitations of other singers. One imitated Aaron Kwok, which was quite good, the younger one imitated 张学友, which was quite good. xD Both of them were quite funny when they were performing. Both received comments from the judges that they look very nice on the screen. Well, for that i have nothing to say since they are indeed blessed with good looks. Too bad they're not tall, or it'll be perfect. =)

overslept and woke up only at 10 plus. so i decided not to go to school after consulting yuan yuan. Anyway there's nothing much on tuesday for me since i don't take hist/geog. Just that I have to do a make up session for pe. sigh... oh, and there's no one to write a letter for me. Was thinking of writing a letter and ask my uncle to sign. But well, I haven't written e letter yet and he's not home. Oh, well.. shall just tell Miss Chua that i forgot to bring the letter.

Days had passed since my parents had gone to china, and i haven't been able to keep up with the schedule. First, of course, I failed to wake up every day for school. One day down, that 's not good. Second, though about 5 days had passed, I haven't been warming the car engine as my dad had asked me to do. This is really really bad. Third, I also did not water the plants every day, though my mum said that i have to water the plants even if it rains. Hmm...

Really lost these days... Feel aimless. I need to get back the momentum lost since chinese new year. There are many things waiting for me to do, but I just don't have the drive? That's what fred says about my current situation.

Oh.. back to 2moro... there's sth about them that's so cool!! something tt happened in e show. Because the elder brother said that he's nervous singing like that, the younger one asked him to look at him when he sings, which he did. So the hosts were like "why are you looking at your brother with so much feelings?" you know.. tt weird weird way. hahaha... one of the judges, even though he didn't know that the elder bro was looking at e younger one, he just sorta felt sth and automatically turned to look at the younger one. He said tt he felt some kind of power, strength, whatever you call tt. And when it was the younger bro singing... when he was singing his last sentence, he smiled. The elder one said tt he must be smiling because he was thinking about him being the only one till then who did not forget his lyrics. And guess what, that's exactly what the younger one was thinking about!!! Talk about telepathy!! WOW!! so cool...

Oh.. and Kinia's coming back this sunday =) so we'll be meeting lorz.. at great world =D

雨天

慢慢的，我开始感觉到那份恐惧。

它渐渐地靠近，但我却无路可逃。

我不能逃，我必须面对！

但是。。。

有些时候，要面对那份恐惧并不是件简单的事。

我很想逃，但我不能逃。

我很想逃，但我无处可逃。

我逃不掉，我躲不了。

为了走这条路，我也只能悲伤的承受一切。

再怎么不愿意，我都得撑着。。。

******************************************

有些事，开始了便很难结束。

或许你会说，“爱”便是如此。

我想说的是，

当你开始不信任人之后，

你就很难停止这感觉。。。

好像所有人都无法信任。

***

重新信任人很难，

但我会尝试。

只不过，

如果我又失败了，

要相信别人，便会更难了。

***

心事，我会说出来。

但是有些东西却永远都是我的秘密。

比如，

当我喜欢一个人的时候，

没有人会知道的。

因为我从不说出口。

我曾经被一个好朋友骗过，

感觉好像被出卖了。

也许，

就是从那时候开始的吧。

****************************************

今天，

雨下得很大。

真得很大。

矛盾

不知道为什么，总觉得生活里缺少了什么。

在人群中会觉得茫然，单独一人又觉得孤单。

人，真的很矛盾。

是因为我们不懂得满足吗？

是因为我们不懂得珍惜吗？

关于人的问题，都没有标准答案。

总之。。。

人，真的很矛盾。

真的。

finally changed my blogskin

Yay... i finally changed my blogskin =)
to sth so cute!! love at first sight, you call this sort of thing. xD

so happy...

but.. i woke up late today when i was supposed to go for dance =( so in e end i didn't go. so sad... then i've been using the com all the way till now. Not bad right.. haiz.. i planned to do econs today and math tmr, by this rate, how am i gonna do my work properly? and i juz realised tt i haven't hang e clothes in e washing machine to dry yet.

Haiz~

hopefully it won't rain tmr. sun, pls shine as bright as you can.

It's been such a long time since i can use net at home. perhaps tt's why i'm using it so much now. Of course tt's only part of the reason why.

my papa and mama went to china, for 10 days... so there's, let's see.. there's about 8 more days to go? oh well... don't be surprised if i'm late for school for the whole week. that will make a record i guess. xD oh and my kor kor went to brunei for commando training, 3 weeks... muahaha...

eh.. ppl, nothing.

some time back, i had been overstressed. and now i'm slacking like nobody's business. Whoa... that's bad. I'm having too good a time. That's bad bad bad...

slap me awake!! someone!! quick!!

i feel like going shopping. buying some girl stuffs. =)
but
i dun have the financial support required to do so.
=(

i can grab my kor kor's card and spend his money since he insists that i use his money and not ask from my uncle if anything happens xD i'm not tt bad to do that of course. i mean, not tt bad YET. xD

oh well, any one of you who would like to sponsor me, pls contact me =D please.. DO contact me ya...

well, think i'll hang e clothes later, then do econs... i'm feeling sleepy already.. look at the time! oh my.. i didn't eat a lot today. think i'll suffer from malnutrition. I'M GONNA DIE!!!

-_-

well... anw, i love tt little thing there.

I'm back! For real!!!

hooray!! hooray!! i'm finally back!!! muahahahaha... feel like changing my blogskin. shall do it one day. =)

27 feb 06

Eh... i just went to take a look at e students' well-being board, and realised tt i just missed e 2nd SSS (self-study session -- which is actually detention larz..). It's like so what the miaow larz.. I looked at it on thurday and realised tt i missed e wed session, but they didn't post anything abt fri's session larz.. It's not my fault ok.. so pissed off.. argh.. then now i might have to go for 4 sessions coz i missed e 2 sessions without giving them a proper excuse.. lame-O... lakherkladjfalsdkj fklajsdkfl jkla so angry.. SO ANGRY!! hmpH!

Hmm.. hahaha.. this weekend was damn fun, though feel a little sorry abt what happened to fel, but well.. it's still quite fun larz.. =P

Basically saturday was MJ's (xD tt justin say one mah.. MJ = Marcus and Justin) competition.. so went to support lorz.. So disappointing!! not that their performance is disappointing, it's the judging that's disappointing larz.. =( thought tt justin will make it to e grand finals.. he got kicked out.. and tt shanghai tan guy sang so well arh... stupid judges.. thought tt MJ will sail through to grand finals too.. got kicked out again.. -_- so sad..... how can this happen?? how?? i can't believe it!! and guess what.. it's a lil funny, this one.. the emcees were talking to MJ aft e show then e girl congratulated them, thinking that they got into e finals. xD They made her realised tt they didn't get through. I like e 2 emcees, quite nice =) still, the judging sux to e core..

went eating and playing after tt, and seriously... if you need some laughter, you just need to get 3 ppl together, marcus, jia hao, and fel. Actually, with the first 2, it'll be enough already.. but with the third one joining, it'll be hell lot of laughter.. your stomach might burst from laughing. xD Was walking home from the bus stop after dance on sunday, suddenly thought of what happened on sat when they were playing pool.. e "stripes" and e "ball"... couldn't help but laugh, to myself.. haha.. managed to keep myself quiet before anyone thinks tt i'm mad. xD Fred wasn't there.. is that fortunate or is that unfortunate? xD i think fel's opinions might oppose that of e trio.

Sunday was quite a serious day at first.. because we were all studying.. gradually, e madness in marcus and jia hao uncovered bit by bit... xD jia hao ate chicken rice for dinner. Nothing exciting about this? Well, read on. His portion = my lunch + dinner. At times, it can last me for the whole day. TeoMonster arh TeoMonster.. xD just think of you arh.. i feel like laughing in the library le arh... no no.. i can't.. i can't be deemed as mad.. no.. relax.. breathe in, breathe out... hoooo.... ok, back to norm. oh no i'm going to have to stop myself from laughing again coz i'm about to type sth tt's so funny.

Jia Hao, with $1 left and wondering what to play since the para para machines are occupied. Marcus, at his mad mode. Gk and I, audience. xD

Marcus helped Jia Hao made a decision and chose the dancing machine, whatever you call tt, for Jia Hao to spend his $1. After choosing the song, Jia Hao decided to challenge himself with "trick". As the game starts, marcus ran away to hide and laugh, and pretend tt he doesn't know JH. When he finally decided to reveal himself, after a really short while, the screen displayed "Failed", followed by "Game Over". xD And nothing else we can do but to go HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... oops... Jia Hao is really a funny guy larz... natural comedian. Dun even need to talk can make ppl laugh le.. natural talent.. xD

Plan for Hols (hey ppl can quickly confirm your time table so tt we can plan when to play and study. ahem..) :

1. study.. of course.
2. ice skating!!! so long nv skate le.. i want!!! e ice hockey so cool!
3. k box AH!!! muz pull justin along.. haha.. then we juz go for MJ concert. =P
4. i'll think about it.. >.<

muz contact k.. muz arh!! so long nv play and sing with you bunch of monkeys le.. xD

still in school

Of course, as usual i'm using the school com. It's yet another free period, first one of the day though. I have free periods every day!! coz they now have history/geography lessons every day.. so sad.. have to stay back all because chinese A's always e last period.. haiz.. sianz..

Today's not a good day because i woke up late.. and was late for school (duh.. not surprising at all, isn't it?). Stepped in my dad's car and realised tt i didn't bring my phone along!! ARghH~ so sad.. so sad.. but well, lucky today's an early day.. can go home earlier to sleep and all... =) Oh! and lucky miss lim didn't say have to do economics review, coz i was late for lecture since i was late for school.. haha.. phew~ =P

A lot of work supposed to be handed in today, case study 1, math tutorial 25B, GP compre yadda yadda.. and guess what? i didn't do them!! e math can heck larz.. if she doesn't want to mark it, so be it.. doesn't affect me as long as i complete them at my own time.. =P so bad.. but so true.. but well, i really am very tired what.. not really able to do them lorz.. then yesterday i reached home at 8pm ++ , and and and.. my mama brought us to this shanghai restaurant to eat xiao long bao and la mian for dinner. so i reached home at abt 10? ya.. aft shower, so late le.. did hw until i ended up sleeping.. too bad.. too bad.. too bad! xD haha..

Am still considering if i should stay back today to do my work.. hmm.. i still have to find e dance teacher i/c to tell her tt i wanna quit dance and join New Media Arts so that i can build up my portfolio for ADM admission =) wonder if she's free.. AH~~ i never bring my phone.. cannot message her =.= haiz...