more than juz crazy...

Today's a mad day. I slept for 16 hours, in the living room, with the fan on, with the lights off, with no blankets, still wearing my specs, and my hairband. That's how i ended up with new mosquito bites.

So when i woke up, it's already 4 pm. For the rest of the day, I felt like doing nothing. Was surprised that i'm not hungry. But thought that i should bite something at the very least. Showered, and felt like watching pride and prejudice again.

So i did.

Don't know why, but it's pointless to do work anyway, since i can't concentrate, and i don't feel like doing work. Cried while watching, no surprise. It's touching. But this time it's more than just touching.

What beautiful eyes keira knightley has.

What beautiful eyes matthew macfadyen has.

Suddenly, i'm in love with "pride and prejudice" again. Suddenly, i'm in love with maksim's pieces again.

Suddenly, i recalled how sad "somewhere in time" can be. Realised that "leeloo's tune" can be very sad too. Learnt that everything seems sad when one is sad. Even if you know that it is happy, you feel sad deep inside you. That's how sad it is. Once again, i've become the moody soul inside this shell.

Sometimes, I don't know whether i should be sad or glad. I feel both feelings inside me. But i can also feel that the sadness is overpowering, so powerful that it can totally cover the gladness. That's how sad i am. That's how sad it is.

Tears have become a routine, not because of him, not because of you. It's just me. and perhaps the monthly one. Sadness can make me so quiet. So quiet that you can't recognise me at all. So quiet that you would've thought of me as a stranger, or wouldn't even notice me at all. That's how sad it is.

maksim's music really suit me now. I don't know why. Even if you listen to his music, you won't know how i feel. Because when a person is sad, everything is sad. Unless you have my sadness in you, don't even try finding it out, or trying it out.

no one to talk to, because i am not willing to talk to anyone. There used to be someone, but it's no longer apt to tell that someone. For the rest of you, it's just not suitable. Perhaps I just want to keep it to myself. No one knows, because i don't want anyone to know.

Thousands of question inside, but the cost of asking is too great. I'd rather not know the answers than to take the risk.

There's so much to say, so much that i don't know what to say. So much inside me that i no longer know what they are. So much came out that i don't know what i've lost. So many things happening that i don't know who i am anymore. In the first place, have i ever known myself at all?

Just for this certain matter, I've learnt so much and lost so much. What a sad and confusing post this is. Not forgetting random. I'm more than just crazy. More than just sad.