empty promises

promised myself not to think so much, but i broke the promise. My eyes will still automatically go in search of him when i pass that place. I can't help it.

Had a sharing session with mel today. Happy to hear that she felt a lil better after talking to me, though it's just a little better. =) As for me, frankly, i don't feel any better after sharing. But don't worry, I'm quite alright to begin with, so i'm still quite fine. Don't worry about me. I'm still strong enough to move on with my life. After calming myself down and think through all again, I feel much better already. So... though I still feel sad, it's not as bad as before.

The hope he had given me is like a tiny flame flickering in the dark with the wind threatening to destroy the tiny bit of hope i have with me. The tiny flame is still surviving though there is no additional oxygen given to it, because it is still living on the great impact from before. The tiny flame will soon be dead unless oxygen is provided. I feel like letting the wind kill the tiny flame, but my hands just automatically block the flame from the wind, protecting it. I'm living in a world of contradictory.

Sometimes, just the look of you hurts. You're so near, yet so far. Sometimes, I long to see you. And when i see you, I feel both happiness and pain inside me, twisting and turning, causing even more pain.

最远的距离，是我在你身边，但你不知道我爱你。

Although it's not that deep yet, but well... i guess this phrase somehow explains why i'm feeling so much pain inside me. But it's more than that. So what if you know that i like you? Perhaps you've already guessed it. It just seems like you're avoiding me, somehow. I don't know why. It just seems like it. Even if you know that I like you, doubt you'll return the little bit of love.

Currently, i'm in the phase of moving on with my life, while i still think of him at times. I know that i can't waste my time on him, since there's not much chance of getting what i want, so I guess i really need to move on with life. I'm on my way already. =) Guess i have to live with the sadness and carry on with my life. Occasionally, the sadness will be overwhelming, but it doesn't happen all the time, so i guess it's quite alright. I'll get used to the sadness, and one day, i won't even remember that it's there.

This is one of the occasional overwhelming sadness. Will i still be this sad 20 days later? I really hope to have a happy birthday. GP paper is no longer on that day, so is that worth celebrating? But well, just that is definitely not enough to make my birthday happy. Guess there's nothing i can do about it. Like what i've said, i just have to move on with my life. Overwhelming sadness... overwhelming... the tears... rolling down... but the sadness stays, taking a longer time to be gone.

Though the few of you said that there is hope, i just can't seem to see it. In fact, it seems like we're getting further apart. Perhaps he's busy with his stuff, perhaps he's not that interested in me as I thought, perhaps he's already avoiding me, perhaps he just thinks that i'm a nuisance. Perhaps.. perhaps.... perhaps it's all but a dream. How relieved i'll be if it is just a dream, someone just have to wake me up!

While i'm feeling sad over this, I'm wondering if i've lost a friend. Something to be definite, we will never be as close as before anymore, and will be even more awkward, i suppose. I've stopped saying sorry, because i know it doesn't help. Just a few words for you, who used to care so much about me...

please take good care of yourself.