I'm tired

It's been quite a while already... and I'm very tired. I really am. I just don't want to think about so many things anymore. I don't like this kind of lifestyle. I don't like this kind of me. I just want to take a very long vacation, to worry about nothing, to enjoy, to relax, and most of all, to find myself back. The 2 day MC, was not long enough. I want a really long vacation. Can't anyone just push me down the steps? just injure me so badly that I can stay at home for a real long time? Perhaps it's better to just push me down the building, then I don't have to worry anymore. I'm not that crazy.. don't worry. I know that death does not solve problems, it creates more problems.

When I had thought that crying helps me a lot, but just for this stupid thing, it doesn't. This stupid problem just doesn't want to go away. And it just makes me cry even more. It's haunting me, when I'm alone, it'll force my tears to out. When I am sad, it'll make use of the opportunity to make me feel even more horrible. It's just so...

I hate myself and I hate you!

Today's a bad day for all black cats

The beginning and ending of my day's bad. It may not be as bad as your worst day, but believe me, it's really bad.

As usual, I was late for college. But this time, it's not entirely my fault. I admit that i woke up late, but that's not the only reason why I was so late for college. As my father drove towards the gate at my apartment, it refused to open. No matter how many times my dad tried, it just refused to open. Deep inside my heart, I was shouting to my dad, "Just ignore this gate and head for the other exit! Stop wasting time on this crazy gate! I'm going to miss the next train if you continue playing with this gate!!" I was pissed with my dad, but at the same time, I know that it's wrong to be pissed with my dad. See, I'm always feeling guilty for all these things and that's why I never really shouted to my dad. I seldom or actually never talk back to my mum and dad. Either I'm scared of them or I just feel that they don't deserve this kind of treatment. When my dad finally decided to move to the other gate, time was running out. As he drove towards the junction, I prayed for the traffic light to stay green, but it just decided to go against me. So, I missed my train, and was very late. By the time I reached college, morning assembly has already ended and people were moving towards the canteen area, so I just stayed at the canteen.

College was better than I thought after that horrible morning, besides the part about PE, which is quite tiring.

Then, when I reached home, my uncle had decided to spoil my day, by asking me to help him type this whole list of accounts stuff, which I cannot refuse to, since I'm part of the family. He just asked at the wrong time. The last time I did that for him, I was actually supposed to study for a test the next day, so i wasn't really in a good mood. I made a lot of mistakes and print a lot of copies. This time round, I was careful not to make mistakes, i even asked my brother to help me check for mistakes when he reached home. When my brother confirmed that there's no mistakes at all, he clicked print, and the printer started to print. BUT, no ink came out. The paper was blank. Okay, so that means that I had done all those accounts stuff for nothing at all since we can't print it out.

You call that a bad day? I'm thinking of asking my dad for a day off tomorrow. I'm ill, I had a bad day, there's no test tomorrow, what other reasons do I need? I just hope that i'll be so ill that I need to go to Dr. Yim's place, then I'll get an MC. Then I will have a valid reason for my absence from college. Sigh.. just let me cough cough cough to death

Though I find that you are unfair sometimes, I know that you still love me

For people out there who have siblings, have you ever felt that your parents are biased? That they love your brother or sister more than they love you? That no matter how hard you try, they still won't love you as much as they love your sibling? Well, that's how i feel sometimes, that's how i feel right now.

Sometimes, I just feel that my mother loves my brother so much more than she loves me. I know that it's only natural for her to feel sorry for my brother each time he returns from his camp as his training is really tough, but she's just way too nice to him as compared to how she treats me. For example, if my brother used the computer for too long a time and did not come out for dinner on time, she simply joked, "I think that your computer has a virus that makes you stick to it and not leave." But if I were the one using the computer and did not show up for dinner on time, she will not joke about it at all. She either let my father handle the problem, or simply shout for me to have my dinner right away. Don't you think that it's very unfair? When my brother is back from camp, he mess up the room, and my mother doesn't say anything to him at all. Once he left for his camp, she will then complain to me that the room is too messy and ask me to tidy up the room.

Though she does all these things that makes me think that she's so unfair, I know that she still loves me. I'm still her daughter, and she's still my mother. It must be hard not to be biased since no one is not. I know that she didn't mean to make me feel worse when my day is bad. She just doesn't know that my day is bad. It's not her fault.

They turned to question marks!! All of them!!

Sigh... I'm having trouble writing my blog in chinese language. Wonder how I am going to complete one entry that is filled with chinese characters instead of question marks... Sigh... And the worst thing is that my brother is not here to help, he had gone back to his camp last night. So sad!

Something good happened though, my brother had either downloaded or rip the song "Fly Me to the Moon" sang by Frank Sinatra. Hee... It's a nice song!! Now Fred can't laugh at me because I have that song in my computer already!! There's also "Moon River" and "New York New York"!!! Ahh.... I rarely listen to songs like that, so they must be real nice since I like them! Hehe...

Sigh.. How am i supposed to show my chinese teacher my chinese blog?! I'm so so dead. I think that i'm left with no choice, but to do my chinese blog thing in IJC. That is if there are computers with the right programme available there!

I'm a Late Queen

Heylo everybody!! Please do not expect me to reply your messages these days because I can't sms or make outgoing calls now. Sorry if you had thought that I ignored you or something. Oh.. and sorry if you actually were worried about me because I usually will reply your messages. Really sorry!

Well, let me update you on my life now. As some of you should know, I'm not in a good emotional condition these days. Am feeling better already, so don't worry too much okay? Life in Innova currently is still quite fine. Timetable's not packed yet, so I have a lot of free periods. Language lessons only start next week, so still don't really know how's the chinese lessons in Innova. Economics's lecturer seems to be quite strict, math seems a little boring at times, not sure about the others. As usual, I'm late for college. Unfortunately for me, I was very late today, reached college at about 8.30, which is half an hour late, and i got caught by the principal. She reprimanded me of course, in front of a whole group of students who are having their PE lessons. She asked for an explanation, and i gave her my explanation of course. She doesn't really seem to believe me though. I told her that I was really tired yesterday, that I had slept for 12 hours, but am still feeling tired. And she had actually thought that I was giving some kind of excuse. Hmph.. whatever. I know that my explanation doesn't sound convincing, but it's e truth. You chose not to believe me and that's your problem then, I can't change your way of thinking anyway. So just go ahead and think that I'm lying to you. Go ahead! >:( hmph

Life's quite unpleasant for me these days. Had been sad for quite some time already, especially when I'm alone, because that's when I will start to think about a lot of things, a lot of sad things. Then I'll start getting moody again. Sigh... I miss everyone!! And i do mean everyone!! Including you felicia!! I miss my wife too!! Love you wen si!! Haha...

Happy April's Fool everyone!! But all e things on top are true larz. Hehe...