蓝蓝的，还是蓝蓝的。
已经好久好久了，但还是蓝蓝的。
穿着粉红色上衣，深绿色裤子，
但还是感觉蓝蓝的。
蓝蓝的，其实很美，很静，很安详。
但是，蓝蓝得似乎有点忧郁。
难道我现在忧郁吗？
今天，到了诊所去边说实话边说谎。这让我有点厌倦撒谎。但却又认 为，有些时候，我们比不得已都得撒谎。是都得撒谎，还是都要撒谎？过后，到了图书馆，借了几米的书，《又寂寞又美好》。它的英文名，让我马上把它抽出来翻 阅，Beautiful Solitude. 也许是因为最近总觉得很孤独，很寂寞吧。就算在人群中，在学校里，在朋友群众，都难免会感到孤单。朋友们都说我很会画画，但看了这本书，我觉得我并不会画 画。我想要有自己的风格，但至今，我都是在抄别人的风格。想象几米那样，没事就画画。事实上，我是这样的。但是他的没事画画所画出来的画似乎是我精心策划 后才能画出来的画。欣赏他那天马行空的画，不拘束于现实世界。很想像他一样画画，但我知道，那是经验累积，经历了很多事后才能办到的。
其实，画画的好坏似乎都是由别人来批判的。什么时候，你会自认自己画的是好是坏，完全不被人影响？画画并没有好坏，喜欢就好了。画得开心就好了。管他那么多干嘛？
大家一起来画画吧！
Monday 26 September 2005
no sch for me please
peeps, a way to grab lotsa attention on sunday. Wear your school uniform and walk around.
don't feel like going to school. my nose is running away. i wonder if it'll continue running at this pace, or slow down to jog, or start sprinting. I hope it'll stay at this pace or accelerate. coz i dun wanna go to school. i wanna stay at home.. please dun let me get well tt soon, please. I wanna stay at home..
总觉得一切结束了之后，虽 然轻松了许多，却也多了一份空虚感。也许是已习惯了吧。你说我是个很难忘记的人，是吗？有些时候，我不愿相信男生的这种好话。因为感觉上有点虚伪，简单的 说就是甜言蜜语。现在虽这么说，但或许不久之后，你很快就会忘了吧。但也没差啦，反而更好，因为少了一份尴尬。=) 其实，到现在，我还搞不懂你为何会喜欢我。相信有很多人也都觉得奇怪吧。你的品味有点特别呀。哈哈。。。
naughty naughty fred.. tsk tsk tsk... your comment today arh.. tsk tsk tsk.. hahaha.. i can't compare with fel, fel's better. hahaha.. oops~ fel will definitely say sth like "why talk abt me again?" well, if i tell you why, you will kill both fred and i. XD so i shall not say anything larz..
最近心情还是蓝蓝的，也不知道为什么。我暂时爱上了蓝色吧。
don't feel like going to school. my nose is running away. i wonder if it'll continue running at this pace, or slow down to jog, or start sprinting. I hope it'll stay at this pace or accelerate. coz i dun wanna go to school. i wanna stay at home.. please dun let me get well tt soon, please. I wanna stay at home..
总觉得一切结束了之后，虽 然轻松了许多，却也多了一份空虚感。也许是已习惯了吧。你说我是个很难忘记的人，是吗？有些时候，我不愿相信男生的这种好话。因为感觉上有点虚伪，简单的 说就是甜言蜜语。现在虽这么说，但或许不久之后，你很快就会忘了吧。但也没差啦，反而更好，因为少了一份尴尬。=) 其实，到现在，我还搞不懂你为何会喜欢我。相信有很多人也都觉得奇怪吧。你的品味有点特别呀。哈哈。。。
naughty naughty fred.. tsk tsk tsk... your comment today arh.. tsk tsk tsk.. hahaha.. i can't compare with fel, fel's better. hahaha.. oops~ fel will definitely say sth like "why talk abt me again?" well, if i tell you why, you will kill both fred and i. XD so i shall not say anything larz..
最近心情还是蓝蓝的，也不知道为什么。我暂时爱上了蓝色吧。
Saturday 24 September 2005
juz updating
Juz updating, before i get more complaints
well, before i start blogging a really long entry (since i hadn't been blogging for such a long time), juz wanna say tt this time, it'll be separated into different parts. To some of you, like miss act cute eng siew, (hahaha.. juz kidding), some juicy news and updates larz.. =)
today...
as usual, i went for dance. but dunno why, while dancing 延场 today, i felt like laughing, so i juz smiled happily and naturally while dancing larz. hahaha.. which is something good. Something that I will need to do esp in dance exams and performances.. =) dance dance dance dance dance.. .. until 3pm,
then i went to TCC(tanglin CC) to meet up with kah yin, wai sze and sarah. HAHAHA.. it was a fun trip, what with kaya roti and KP. HAHAHAHAHA... due to e fact tt kah yin had complained about my blog.. this part is being censored.. XD so if you did not read it last time.. too bad larz.. oh oh oh.. and brendan is not there!! =( to think that I went there to see him and he's not there. =(=(=(='( His brother Bryan(i think is spelt like tt) aka GC lookalike is there though.. but i wanna see brendan. I wanna play with brendan. His dad is there too. but brendan is not.. brendan. brendan... brendan... kah yin says tt he should be there in weekdays, so if kah yin is not tired from mugging on tuesday, we might be able to go TCC on wed!! then i might have a chance to see brendan!! hee~ brendan is really cute, really really cute!!
actually arh.. i wanna talk more abt kah yin and KP, but i'm afraid tt later kah yin will kill me, and KP will bash me up coz i'm "bullying" kah yin. HAHAHAH.. so i shall stop here.
next, is e juicy news part. HAHAHA.. nothing much actually. Juz a full-stop to something, and juz tt i wanna thank someone =) To T21 peeps, well, juz an updated update lorz.. same to mama.. to innovians, except mel, it's very new. very new. haha.. it'll be a long long story, so pls skip to e nx part larz.. haha.. juz kidding. well, juz to introduce to e innovians, if you all remember, there was this time, PE lesson, when someone called "freddy" messaged me and mr koh actually said "whose phone arh? you juz received a message from freddy". yeah.. hahha.. was a little embarrassed at tt time. to my dear yuan yuan, freddy is "tt sms guy", to mel, freddy is "banglah" or juz fred, to iman, freddy is a mad guy from his sec sch (i think. haha). shall not talk about e whole story, juz the last part of it only. =) the most recent part and my thoughts..
Well, we sort of officially ended a relationship that had never started. =) A great end, great relief, no more tears for tt matter, no more confusions. =)
There was this period of time, when I was still confused if I do like fred. I'm scared tt I "like" him because i'm repaying his good deed.. haha.. but i'm also afraid tt if i reject him, i might regret in e future. He's a nice guy, really. strongly recommended to be your boyfriend(he's straight, jason. haha..), but that is if you don't mind him being a little immature sometimes.. haha.. maybe more than just a little larz. heh heh.. He did a lot of nice things, some really obvious actions that made everyone suspicious, and some that only I know. A funny way to begin, it all started with meiji black chocolate. Haha.. juz shared it with him and he started messaging me.
well, perhaps not just e recent parts .. hahaha. >_<>
Well, yeah.. so he started messaging me. And he messaged me more and more often, asking me lotsa things. Still remember him messaging some very obvious hints, making me suspect and suspect, in the meantime, afraid tt i'm juz being oversensitive. Haha.. so this one fine day, I couldn't stand it anymore, I did sth tt my frenz said "whoa" when they knew about it. Haha.. my frenz think tt i'm very daring and straight. haha.. i actually messaged him and asked, "do you seriously like me or are you juz kidding around?". was i mad? I don't know. hahha.. yeah.. his 7.90(juz got to know tt from him only) blue hippo is still standing with my comics in my display cabinet =). It's fat, like kah yin.. hahaha.. oops.. lucky she doesn't read my blog.
I juz wanna thank you for all the things that you had done. Thanks for showing your concerns, thanks for being nice to me. Thanks for going to Kbox, accompanying me at macs while e other play pool because I can't go in, chatting with me all this while, sharing my problems, listening to me cry like mad when something bad happened in my family, giving me advices (though sometimes they pissed me off. haha..), all the jokes, all the fun, all the laughters that you brought. I can't exactly say that it had been a wonderful experience coz of the sadness and the tears that came along, but still, it was great. Thanks for everything, fred! *hug hug, and pats your back*
as usual, wrote some things while in school, so shall type it here larz.. basically it's almost e same, but juz an additional info bah.. read it or else.. nothing will happen anw, hahaha..
23 sept 2005
1234
我 跟 fred 算正式结束了吧。星期三，到 downtown east 去参加 fel 的 birthday bbq, 我再次确定了我的感觉与感情。他并不真的是我在寻找的人。他只是一个过程，一个新生活的开始，序幕，一个经验。他是幽默，是高，但是他不够成熟，不懂得如 何在不同的场合里该有何表现。
晚 上，我跟他在网上聊天。他也说了，他觉得我并不属于他，因此他也 停止了那份对我的喜欢，欣赏。总觉得一切结束了之后，很轻松。一个正式的结束让我松了口气。不需要在为了她哭泣，烦恼，困惑。这经验，对他，对我都很宝 贵。他也说了，经过了一切之后，他学了很多。它又说我会是个好女朋友，问他为什么，他只说那是通过他的观察所得到的结论。该怎么说呢，他的这句回答令我很 感动。不知道他为什么会那么想。仔细想想，它是个难得的男生，但就是有点太疯了。
我很好奇，还会有人像他一样吗？也没什么啦，就很想谢他所作的一切，谢他给我的宝贵经验，谢他让我留有一些美丽的回忆。thanks for the wonderful experience
美丽的回忆？但不知为何，回想着从前所发生过的事，眼泪夺眶。应该是有点感动吧。难得的经历。一切的一切，有份感激的心情。我们会成为很好的朋友吧。
that's all.
It's wonderful recalling what had happened back in the first 3 months. Everything was fun. Until we're posted to different places, that was when things started to go bad. hmm.. perhaps fred was the reason why I had been very moody at times. Not always though. Sometimes, i'm moody because it's just me and my mood swings. =) After everything had ended, the weightload is lighter, life's happier. =) You're a nice guy, seriously. You'll find a better girl for yourself, i'm not good enough for you. =) you deserve better.
I'm a little unhappy with my dad now. He's always angry at trivial matters. Okay, I know i'm wrong too, i mean we, me and my bro, but still.. he's so grumpy.. so am i.
haha.. jason recently read my blog, oops.. and found out about me talking bad abt him.. eeks~ haha.. and he stopped calling me tao kia!! yay!!! hahaha.. okay okay.. i admit tt i do LOOK dao, but i'm reall dao meh? my frenz say tt i only look dao, but i'm not dao leh.. well, you're juz unlucky tt you see more of my dao side. Too bad.. you should have been in crescent, then you'll see how not dao i am. hahaha.. now it feels weird coz you're not calling me dao kia le.. hahaha.. weird weird hei hei.. sorry larz.. am juz eccentric. genius is like tt one mah.. oops~ hahahaha.. k then
last last last last last..
good luck to every single soul in innova except some ppl (evil me) for this coming promos!! esp to me!! hahaha.. k i'm mad coz of e funny and entertaining experience in TCC, watching yan yan. Kaya roti, come to me~ hahahahaha..
well, before i start blogging a really long entry (since i hadn't been blogging for such a long time), juz wanna say tt this time, it'll be separated into different parts. To some of you, like miss act cute eng siew, (hahaha.. juz kidding), some juicy news and updates larz.. =)
today...
as usual, i went for dance. but dunno why, while dancing 延场 today, i felt like laughing, so i juz smiled happily and naturally while dancing larz. hahaha.. which is something good. Something that I will need to do esp in dance exams and performances.. =) dance dance dance dance dance.. .. until 3pm,
then i went to TCC(tanglin CC) to meet up with kah yin, wai sze and sarah. HAHAHA.. it was a fun trip, what with kaya roti and KP. HAHAHAHAHA... due to e fact tt kah yin had complained about my blog.. this part is being censored.. XD so if you did not read it last time.. too bad larz.. oh oh oh.. and brendan is not there!! =( to think that I went there to see him and he's not there. =(=(=(='( His brother Bryan(i think is spelt like tt) aka GC lookalike is there though.. but i wanna see brendan. I wanna play with brendan. His dad is there too. but brendan is not.. brendan. brendan... brendan... kah yin says tt he should be there in weekdays, so if kah yin is not tired from mugging on tuesday, we might be able to go TCC on wed!! then i might have a chance to see brendan!! hee~ brendan is really cute, really really cute!!
actually arh.. i wanna talk more abt kah yin and KP, but i'm afraid tt later kah yin will kill me, and KP will bash me up coz i'm "bullying" kah yin. HAHAHAH.. so i shall stop here.
next, is e juicy news part. HAHAHA.. nothing much actually. Juz a full-stop to something, and juz tt i wanna thank someone =) To T21 peeps, well, juz an updated update lorz.. same to mama.. to innovians, except mel, it's very new. very new. haha.. it'll be a long long story, so pls skip to e nx part larz.. haha.. juz kidding. well, juz to introduce to e innovians, if you all remember, there was this time, PE lesson, when someone called "freddy" messaged me and mr koh actually said "whose phone arh? you juz received a message from freddy". yeah.. hahha.. was a little embarrassed at tt time. to my dear yuan yuan, freddy is "tt sms guy", to mel, freddy is "banglah" or juz fred, to iman, freddy is a mad guy from his sec sch (i think. haha). shall not talk about e whole story, juz the last part of it only. =) the most recent part and my thoughts..
Well, we sort of officially ended a relationship that had never started. =) A great end, great relief, no more tears for tt matter, no more confusions. =)
There was this period of time, when I was still confused if I do like fred. I'm scared tt I "like" him because i'm repaying his good deed.. haha.. but i'm also afraid tt if i reject him, i might regret in e future. He's a nice guy, really. strongly recommended to be your boyfriend(he's straight, jason. haha..), but that is if you don't mind him being a little immature sometimes.. haha.. maybe more than just a little larz. heh heh.. He did a lot of nice things, some really obvious actions that made everyone suspicious, and some that only I know. A funny way to begin, it all started with meiji black chocolate. Haha.. juz shared it with him and he started messaging me.
well, perhaps not just e recent parts .. hahaha. >_<>
Well, yeah.. so he started messaging me. And he messaged me more and more often, asking me lotsa things. Still remember him messaging some very obvious hints, making me suspect and suspect, in the meantime, afraid tt i'm juz being oversensitive. Haha.. so this one fine day, I couldn't stand it anymore, I did sth tt my frenz said "whoa" when they knew about it. Haha.. my frenz think tt i'm very daring and straight. haha.. i actually messaged him and asked, "do you seriously like me or are you juz kidding around?". was i mad? I don't know. hahha.. yeah.. his 7.90(juz got to know tt from him only) blue hippo is still standing with my comics in my display cabinet =). It's fat, like kah yin.. hahaha.. oops.. lucky she doesn't read my blog.
I juz wanna thank you for all the things that you had done. Thanks for showing your concerns, thanks for being nice to me. Thanks for going to Kbox, accompanying me at macs while e other play pool because I can't go in, chatting with me all this while, sharing my problems, listening to me cry like mad when something bad happened in my family, giving me advices (though sometimes they pissed me off. haha..), all the jokes, all the fun, all the laughters that you brought. I can't exactly say that it had been a wonderful experience coz of the sadness and the tears that came along, but still, it was great. Thanks for everything, fred! *hug hug, and pats your back*
as usual, wrote some things while in school, so shall type it here larz.. basically it's almost e same, but juz an additional info bah.. read it or else.. nothing will happen anw, hahaha..
23 sept 2005
1234
我 跟 fred 算正式结束了吧。星期三，到 downtown east 去参加 fel 的 birthday bbq, 我再次确定了我的感觉与感情。他并不真的是我在寻找的人。他只是一个过程，一个新生活的开始，序幕，一个经验。他是幽默，是高，但是他不够成熟，不懂得如 何在不同的场合里该有何表现。
晚 上，我跟他在网上聊天。他也说了，他觉得我并不属于他，因此他也 停止了那份对我的喜欢，欣赏。总觉得一切结束了之后，很轻松。一个正式的结束让我松了口气。不需要在为了她哭泣，烦恼，困惑。这经验，对他，对我都很宝 贵。他也说了，经过了一切之后，他学了很多。它又说我会是个好女朋友，问他为什么，他只说那是通过他的观察所得到的结论。该怎么说呢，他的这句回答令我很 感动。不知道他为什么会那么想。仔细想想，它是个难得的男生，但就是有点太疯了。
我很好奇，还会有人像他一样吗？也没什么啦，就很想谢他所作的一切，谢他给我的宝贵经验，谢他让我留有一些美丽的回忆。thanks for the wonderful experience
美丽的回忆？但不知为何，回想着从前所发生过的事，眼泪夺眶。应该是有点感动吧。难得的经历。一切的一切，有份感激的心情。我们会成为很好的朋友吧。
that's all.
It's wonderful recalling what had happened back in the first 3 months. Everything was fun. Until we're posted to different places, that was when things started to go bad. hmm.. perhaps fred was the reason why I had been very moody at times. Not always though. Sometimes, i'm moody because it's just me and my mood swings. =) After everything had ended, the weightload is lighter, life's happier. =) You're a nice guy, seriously. You'll find a better girl for yourself, i'm not good enough for you. =) you deserve better.
I'm a little unhappy with my dad now. He's always angry at trivial matters. Okay, I know i'm wrong too, i mean we, me and my bro, but still.. he's so grumpy.. so am i.
haha.. jason recently read my blog, oops.. and found out about me talking bad abt him.. eeks~ haha.. and he stopped calling me tao kia!! yay!!! hahaha.. okay okay.. i admit tt i do LOOK dao, but i'm reall dao meh? my frenz say tt i only look dao, but i'm not dao leh.. well, you're juz unlucky tt you see more of my dao side. Too bad.. you should have been in crescent, then you'll see how not dao i am. hahaha.. now it feels weird coz you're not calling me dao kia le.. hahaha.. weird weird hei hei.. sorry larz.. am juz eccentric. genius is like tt one mah.. oops~ hahahaha.. k then
last last last last last..
good luck to every single soul in innova except some ppl (evil me) for this coming promos!! esp to me!! hahaha.. k i'm mad coz of e funny and entertaining experience in TCC, watching yan yan. Kaya roti, come to me~ hahahahaha..
Thursday 8 September 2005
evil~
 |
whoa.. very tiring to do that thing up there, but it looks nice. =)
Friday 2 September 2005
weirdo
Let's start talking from 31 august...
went to school as usual, went through all the mundane activities, reached the very last one, the celebrations of teachers' day. While people are enjoying their show, I was shutting myself off from my class, drawing and drawing, going through the day my way. Don't ask me why, I just suddenly felt like drawing, so i just drew. My whole class is right at the front, all high and enthu, while i'm just at the corner of the canteen, drawing quietly. Suddenly, a face popped beside me, with a pair of eyes staring hard at my "artpiece". The face with the pair of curious eyes belong to one of the teachers of my school. Like all those who had seen my irresistable "artpiece", she praised me, saying that my drawing's really nice. I just said "huh" as a reply, and she said that i'm supposed to say "thank you", which i replied "oh" without a "thank you". She merely chuckled and asked one of her student, who was nearby and staring at my drawing too, "very nice right?" and he agreed. Then another guy came and said that it's really nice.
You must be thinking (esp fred, coz you always say that), "this girl's being so proud of herself again, boasting and boasting". Well, perhaps, perhaps. But actually, I'm reviewing the comments i've received so far. Why do they think that I draw well? My drawing's nice just because it's so precise, so detailed, so small and fine, and done only with madness, nothing else. Everyone can do that if they want to, just that not many are as mad as i am to attempt. You just need a pinch of madness, 500 ml of patience, a Pilot G2 0.5 black pen, a piece of blank paper or just a blank space on a sheet of paper, if you're very mad, you might need a pen refill and another piece of paper. Ya.. that's all. You can try too, and you'll see what i mean that it's not that difficult.
Come to think of it, people seem to think that I'm what I'm not. Haha.. confused? I always hear things like "did you take art?", "are you from basketball?", "you mean you're not from track?", "you must run well right?", "you're a dancer?!", "you must be real smart right! Your school results are surely very great", "You must be from a very rich family to live in town", "You're 56 kg? But you don't look like it!"... ... ... ...
yeah.. great isn't it? great. I can bluff people even without the intention to bluff them. Cool like the container in crescent and the study room in innova right? Oh.. that happened when i'm playing bridge with my friends too. Haha.. it was funny when I wanted to cheat only one of them but ended up cheating all 3 of them, including my own partner. Hahaha.. I'm a pro.
Alright, so back to 31 august.. erm.. oh ya i was drawing. after some time, I was drawing to kill time. Waiting for everything to end and i can leave and meet kah yin and company to play. Finally, it all ended. Walked alone before Cassie joined. While waiting for my train, I saw Ming Yuan. She greeted me warmly (haha.. her "hei hei"s and mushy mushy stuff XD). She was with her sec school friends, going for an outing, a gathering. After that, saw Jason too. The first thing he said to me was "dao kia". Haha.. he's forever calling me dao, nothing new.
This is going to be a really really long entry. Giving up? bye bye then.. reading on? read on then.
Met kah yin and wai sze at Tanglin CC, studied (didn't even finish one qn) for a few hours until 5, when we went to play badminton. KP popped in, think he had intended to ask kah yin to play bball or sth, or just to say hi. Kah yin asked whether he wanna join in, he did. He doesn't seem that KP at tt time eh.. haha.. oh.. oh.. oh.. and that P2 boy brandon (not sure if it's spelt this way) is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!! Now i know why kah yin's so obsessed with him. He's irresistable! A really nice little boy. Haha.. lovable and adorable. So adorable that kah yin claimed that janice will stop hating kids so much when she meets him. Hahaha.. That's how adorable he is! Power right? Had a really fun time with him, made me feel like going there more often just to play with him. =D
Went to GWC with kah yin after that, when it's like 9.45 pm. Haha.. yeah. Borrowed 10 bucks from her, and bought, and bought, and bought.... MAYDAY'S LATEST CD!!!!! am listening to it now. Heh heh.. soooooooooooo nice!! soooooo soooooooooooooooooooooo nice!!! yay! thanks kah yin!
that's all for 31 aug.. proceed.. 1st sept.
nothing much on this day. Was supposed to meet up with kah yin to study and play badminton. Ended up sleeping till 3 pm plus plus plus.. heh heh.. sorry larz.. need to recharge since my life's a slow suicidal case. Watched Naruto!! I found out that my left arm has some kind of allergy or insect bites. I'm quite worried that it's allergy, or some kind of skin disease. Why am i worried? When i was younger, in primary school, I had 假麻. It's like rashes all over the body, very itchy, very uncomfortable, very difficult for me to sleep. I'm worried that it's that again.
lately...
I'm deciding whether I should stay as i am, which is an easier choice, or to really work hard, mug, do all my homework, study real hard. It's harder for me to choose the second one because i'm never determined, never persevered to the end. Always bored with what i'm doing, and switch to another task. Well, it's just that i suddenly have an intense feeling of being the second one.
wrote something in my drawing book just now,
"but suddenly you walk away from me"
That's The Waltz. As for me, there's a sudden urge of shutting myself off from the whole group of you and enjoy solitude. To prevent conflict, to increase efficiency as I raise my concentration level, to stop all these feelings of betrayal. With solitude, there's no need to trust anyone, no chance for any of you to betray me, to disappoint me.
No tears, no sadness, no diappoinment, no hatred, just peace and quiet, like death.
Am I being weird here or am i trying to be weird? I don't know, I don't care. That's just me, for now.
The things that i'm worried about, teachers' concern, whether true or feigned, participation in groups, something very important in future.
What do you think of my plan?
went to school as usual, went through all the mundane activities, reached the very last one, the celebrations of teachers' day. While people are enjoying their show, I was shutting myself off from my class, drawing and drawing, going through the day my way. Don't ask me why, I just suddenly felt like drawing, so i just drew. My whole class is right at the front, all high and enthu, while i'm just at the corner of the canteen, drawing quietly. Suddenly, a face popped beside me, with a pair of eyes staring hard at my "artpiece". The face with the pair of curious eyes belong to one of the teachers of my school. Like all those who had seen my irresistable "artpiece", she praised me, saying that my drawing's really nice. I just said "huh" as a reply, and she said that i'm supposed to say "thank you", which i replied "oh" without a "thank you". She merely chuckled and asked one of her student, who was nearby and staring at my drawing too, "very nice right?" and he agreed. Then another guy came and said that it's really nice.
You must be thinking (esp fred, coz you always say that), "this girl's being so proud of herself again, boasting and boasting". Well, perhaps, perhaps. But actually, I'm reviewing the comments i've received so far. Why do they think that I draw well? My drawing's nice just because it's so precise, so detailed, so small and fine, and done only with madness, nothing else. Everyone can do that if they want to, just that not many are as mad as i am to attempt. You just need a pinch of madness, 500 ml of patience, a Pilot G2 0.5 black pen, a piece of blank paper or just a blank space on a sheet of paper, if you're very mad, you might need a pen refill and another piece of paper. Ya.. that's all. You can try too, and you'll see what i mean that it's not that difficult.
Come to think of it, people seem to think that I'm what I'm not. Haha.. confused? I always hear things like "did you take art?", "are you from basketball?", "you mean you're not from track?", "you must run well right?", "you're a dancer?!", "you must be real smart right! Your school results are surely very great", "You must be from a very rich family to live in town", "You're 56 kg? But you don't look like it!"... ... ... ...
yeah.. great isn't it? great. I can bluff people even without the intention to bluff them. Cool like the container in crescent and the study room in innova right? Oh.. that happened when i'm playing bridge with my friends too. Haha.. it was funny when I wanted to cheat only one of them but ended up cheating all 3 of them, including my own partner. Hahaha.. I'm a pro.
Alright, so back to 31 august.. erm.. oh ya i was drawing. after some time, I was drawing to kill time. Waiting for everything to end and i can leave and meet kah yin and company to play. Finally, it all ended. Walked alone before Cassie joined. While waiting for my train, I saw Ming Yuan. She greeted me warmly (haha.. her "hei hei"s and mushy mushy stuff XD). She was with her sec school friends, going for an outing, a gathering. After that, saw Jason too. The first thing he said to me was "dao kia". Haha.. he's forever calling me dao, nothing new.
This is going to be a really really long entry. Giving up? bye bye then.. reading on? read on then.
Met kah yin and wai sze at Tanglin CC, studied (didn't even finish one qn) for a few hours until 5, when we went to play badminton. KP popped in, think he had intended to ask kah yin to play bball or sth, or just to say hi. Kah yin asked whether he wanna join in, he did. He doesn't seem that KP at tt time eh.. haha.. oh.. oh.. oh.. and that P2 boy brandon (not sure if it's spelt this way) is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!! Now i know why kah yin's so obsessed with him. He's irresistable! A really nice little boy. Haha.. lovable and adorable. So adorable that kah yin claimed that janice will stop hating kids so much when she meets him. Hahaha.. That's how adorable he is! Power right? Had a really fun time with him, made me feel like going there more often just to play with him. =D
Went to GWC with kah yin after that, when it's like 9.45 pm. Haha.. yeah. Borrowed 10 bucks from her, and bought, and bought, and bought.... MAYDAY'S LATEST CD!!!!! am listening to it now. Heh heh.. soooooooooooo nice!! soooooo soooooooooooooooooooooo nice!!! yay! thanks kah yin!
that's all for 31 aug.. proceed.. 1st sept.
nothing much on this day. Was supposed to meet up with kah yin to study and play badminton. Ended up sleeping till 3 pm plus plus plus.. heh heh.. sorry larz.. need to recharge since my life's a slow suicidal case. Watched Naruto!! I found out that my left arm has some kind of allergy or insect bites. I'm quite worried that it's allergy, or some kind of skin disease. Why am i worried? When i was younger, in primary school, I had 假麻. It's like rashes all over the body, very itchy, very uncomfortable, very difficult for me to sleep. I'm worried that it's that again.
lately...
I'm deciding whether I should stay as i am, which is an easier choice, or to really work hard, mug, do all my homework, study real hard. It's harder for me to choose the second one because i'm never determined, never persevered to the end. Always bored with what i'm doing, and switch to another task. Well, it's just that i suddenly have an intense feeling of being the second one.
wrote something in my drawing book just now,
"but suddenly you walk away from me"
That's The Waltz. As for me, there's a sudden urge of shutting myself off from the whole group of you and enjoy solitude. To prevent conflict, to increase efficiency as I raise my concentration level, to stop all these feelings of betrayal. With solitude, there's no need to trust anyone, no chance for any of you to betray me, to disappoint me.
No tears, no sadness, no diappoinment, no hatred, just peace and quiet, like death.
Am I being weird here or am i trying to be weird? I don't know, I don't care. That's just me, for now.
The things that i'm worried about, teachers' concern, whether true or feigned, participation in groups, something very important in future.
What do you think of my plan?
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